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Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2021 ⫷⫷

chinup

Moderator: H&R, EADD
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good to hear from you @somnilicious and great you're looking to get your hep c treated. shit like that is always scary. i get what you mean about internalising this stuff, it becomes part of your identity somehow.

i am doing ok. had the first friday in a long time of not drinking excessive alcohol. had 2 drinks after dinner. was feeling very sketchy after my covid vaccine yesterday but a bit better today.... planned to run 20k to my parents, my guts are in turmoil but i'm hoping to still be able to do it or at least make a decent shot cos i have psyched myself up for it now.
 

ions

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 29, 2019
Messages
5,530
Location
Pennsylvania
So back when I was in a legal trouble I would get phone calls by police and courts and lawyers. It was all intimidation at the time and had stress for many years, especially while on haldol, risperdol, for answering my phone. I'm impressed by how far I've come to actually placing calls to people and businesses many years later getting over the drama of not having police calling my phone telling me to come into their headquarters. Nerve wracking AF. I just ask you one thing. Stay out of my dreams.
 

Blankenstein

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 19, 2021
Messages
138
Just thought I’d check in.

@ions i don’t know you story, but there has been a period of my life where I had an intense fear of anything technology related. Not saying it’s the same as you, but I have had irrational fears of technology that caused quite a serious impact on my life. I’m glad you are progressing. Good stuff man.

@somnilicious i can’t relate to having hep C, but I have had/still do have a health issue that I’m trying to ignore, but need to tackle head on. I’m not going to say what it is, but it’s like having a dark cloud over my head all the time. I Hope you get the help/treatment you need. Good luck dude.

@chinup good stuff on minimising the boozing! Also keep up the running! I’m running again, but spacing it out a few days apart to try stop aggravating an issue with my knee.

Now time for my depressing update... if I’m at work I’m sober for 14 days (apart from 2 days as I bring a few beers with me). But my drug use is getting worse when I get home...

I’m using hundreds of milligrams of oxy or equivalent of jurnista in a sitting. Plus a couple of benzos to add a little sedation.

I’ve been wanting to switch to heroin to save money, but the people I buy off won’t sell it to me. Don’t want me to go down that path.

It’s sucks I’m making decent money but spend so much when I’m home for a week and can’t even remember the week I’m at home. Im
Not surfing anymore really or doing anything positive, just using.

just had a long talk with a close friend who was heroin addict for a few years and recently kicked meth. Think we are going to go to NA meetings when I get back from work. I told him even if I don’t want to go to just drag me.

anyway that’s my sad story. But i shouldn’t complain. On my week off I went to my cousins 1 year memorial of his death. I shouldn’t complain. My uncle, aunt and cousin are really struggling. I’m just a whiny fuck head.
 

chinup

Moderator: H&R, EADD
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Joined
Aug 1, 2010
Messages
5,824
Location
Greatest city on Earth
hey @Blankenstein glad you checked in but sorry you're having such a shiitty time?

next time you get off work is there anywhere else you can go where you won't do that? i used to have similar, i'd go away and be swearing i wouldn't go straight back to whatever drug i was on at the time as soon as i got home and do it every fucking time. it was disheartening.

i am really glad they won't sell you heroin. honestly it is not worth it. whatever money you save up front, honestly your habit will grow to whatever you were spending before in no time. in my first year doing a proper job rather than being a student, i got over £10k in pay rises and it made not a jot of difference cos my habit just increased with every one.

i have been drinking every day this week. not happy with myself. feel so shit. also injured so not able to run which is my like one healthy thing.
 

hylite

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 23, 2021
Messages
1,272
I REALLY can't even get over being depressed. But I keep trying. I think.

First thing I was having trouble quitting dabz.

I do not understand. I had honestly quit for almost two months day to day. And it barely effected me.

And NOW. I CAN'T DO IT.
I mean I can but the depression and agitation is too horrible to go on with anymore. REALLY. It's that bad. And I am running out of things to take.

I have a bad reaction to the universe and almost everything else. Well no. Everything.
And I hate this . . . . . whatever it is that just makes me want to do to like . . . . not exist.

Something inside this universe needs to just go away and stop tormenting and entertaining itself on me.

I had to pray hard for ten years just not to off myself. Now look what kind of mess I got myself into. Now I have to deal with it. It's just unpleasant torment. ANDD I keep trying to do fucking better. I can't.

Why. Fucking universe. Why.

Sorry for bad language. Just sayin.

It's really bad. Wtf.
 

ions

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 29, 2019
Messages
5,530
Location
Pennsylvania
Dreaming can be good for depression. Then again oversleeping is a sign of depression. Maybe getting out to meet some new or familiar faces. Right? @hylite
 

n3ophy7e

Moderator: TDS, H&R, MH
Staff member
Joined
Apr 30, 2006
Messages
30,174
Location
Dex's room
also injured so not able to run which is my like one healthy thing.
Oh noooo!! Your outlet! What have you injured?? :(

I REALLY can't even get over being depressed. But I keep trying. I think.

First thing I was having trouble quitting dabz.

I do not understand. I had honestly quit for almost two months day to day. And it barely effected me.

And NOW. I CAN'T DO IT.
I mean I can but the depression and agitation is too horrible to go on with anymore. REALLY. It's that bad. And I am running out of things to take.

I have a bad reaction to the universe and almost everything else. Well no. Everything.
And I hate this . . . . . whatever it is that just makes me want to do to like . . . . not exist.

Something inside this universe needs to just go away and stop tormenting and entertaining itself on me.

I had to pray hard for ten years just not to off myself. Now look what kind of mess I got myself into. Now I have to deal with it. It's just unpleasant torment. ANDD I keep trying to do fucking better. I can't.

Why. Fucking universe. Why.

Sorry for bad language. Just sayin.

It's really bad. Wtf.
You can swear as much as you want to here hylite, this is a safe place :) <3 I swear A LOT!!
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling :( I don't know you very well yet. But have you spoken to a doctor or counsellor about these feelings yet?
 

hylite

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 23, 2021
Messages
1,272
Oh noooo!! Your outlet! What have you injured?? :(


You can swear as much as you want to here hylite, this is a safe place :) <3 I swear A LOT!!
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling :( I don't know you very well yet. But have you spoken to a doctor or counsellor about these feelings yet?
no just pain management. and they always ngaf !!

thank you fo r all concerns. ☺
 

hylite

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 23, 2021
Messages
1,272
Would you consider speaking to a counsellor/therapist about how you feel??
i have before. and got some xanax.
nothing is really that bad. just the universe makes it that way. gotta have prayers i huess.

Thank you for support and understanding.
 

n3ophy7e

Moderator: TDS, H&R, MH
Staff member
Joined
Apr 30, 2006
Messages
30,174
Location
Dex's room
i have before. and got some xanax.
nothing is really that bad. just the universe makes it that way. gotta have prayers i huess.

Thank you for support and understanding.
Maaannnn I wish my therapist would give me some xanax LOL. Instead they just wanna keep talking talking talking about shit 😆
I'm always up for a chat if you need to talk to someone, send me a message, okay?
 

hylite

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 23, 2021
Messages
1,272
Maaannnn I wish my therapist would give me some xanax LOL. Instead they just wanna keep talking talking talking about shit 😆
I'm always up for a chat if you need to talk to someone, send me a message, okay?
💗💗💗💗💗💗
you're the best. That is so AwesomE !

THANK YOU MUCHES 🌞
 

hylite

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 23, 2021
Messages
1,272
You're welcome :) And I am true to my word :) <3


OH!!!!! And I just looked at the calendar and realised that I am 3 months sober off alcohol today!! 🥳🥳🥳
THAT'S GREAT !! 💗💗💗
 
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