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Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2021 ⫷⫷

JessFR

Sr. Moderator: AADD, H&R, TDS
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Oct 22, 2012
Messages
13,712
Happy new year beautiful people! <3

I hope everyone had a safe and enjoyable end to the very unpleasant year that was 2020, and I offer my honest and heartfelt wish of a better 2021 for everyone! <3

The previous thread can be found in the following link if anyone need to refresh their memory.

 

somnilicious

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 31, 2012
Messages
1,843
Location
Orlando, Fl
Oh... I forgot to mention in last yrs(min ago) thread that I'm still clean(well on methadone) and I drink kava every now and then.... Been over a month now. Can't wait till I'm off probie on the 20th so I can smoke. Gonna get my med card.

Happy New Years everyone. Make this the year. The world needs us sober. We have so much to offer during this time when everyone else seems to be imploding. We have empathy, compassion, wisdom, humility, durability, fortitude and strength. Be the change!!😀🎉🎉🎉🎉
 

JessFR

Sr. Moderator: AADD, H&R, TDS
Staff member
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Oct 22, 2012
Messages
13,712
Oh... I forgot to mention in last yrs(min ago) thread that I'm still clean(well on methadone) and I drink kava every now and then.... Been over a month now. Can't wait till I'm off probie on the 20th so I can smoke. Gonna get my med card.

Happy New Years everyone. Make this the year. The world needs us sober. We have so much to offer during this time when the everyone else seems to be imploding. We have empathy, compassion, wisdom, humility, durability, fortitude and strength. Be the change!!😀🎉🎉🎉🎉

I consider being stable on methadone clean for all practical purposes.

Cause like, a lot of people are more stable methadone than clean! And staying out of active self destructive addiction is the ultimate point.

I was completely stable on methadone for 2 years, but in 2020 I relapsed on heroin. I'm still on methadone though and I intend to stop using heroin for 2021.<3
 

somnilicious

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 31, 2012
Messages
1,843
Location
Orlando, Fl
I consider being stable on methadone clean for all practical purposes.

Cause like, a lot of people are more stable methadone than clean! And staying out of active self destructive addiction is the ultimate point.

I was completely stable on methadone for 2 years, but in 2020 I relapsed on heroin. I'm still on methadone though and I intend to stop using heroin for 2021.<3
I share your sentiments about methadone, as well as controlled marijuana, kava and occasional psychedelic use but I really have had no need or urge for that in quite some time. I am unfortunately one of those people who are more stable on methadone. I have been on and off for 20yrs, mostly on. I had 5yrs clean on mdone. I got off 5yrs ago and had stretches of complete clean time 15mths and 9mths but I was a mess and kept relapsing so I'm back on the juice and don't regret it nor question the semantics of being "clean" one bit. It truly is a quality of life issue.

Do you feel heroin on top of your dose? May I ask what dose you're on and how long you've been using on top?
 

JessFR

Sr. Moderator: AADD, H&R, TDS
Staff member
Joined
Oct 22, 2012
Messages
13,712
I share your sentiments about methadone, as well as controlled marijuana, kava and occasional psychedelic use but I really have had no need or urge for that in quite some time. I am unfortunately one of those people who are more stable on methadone. I have been on and off for 20yrs, mostly on. I had 5yrs clean on mdone. I got off 5yrs ago and had stretches of complete clean time 15mths and 9mths but I was a mess and kept relapsing so I'm back on the juice and don't regret it nor question the semantics of being "clean" one bit. It truly is a quality of life issue.

Do you feel heroin on top of your dose? May I ask what dose you're on and how long you've been using on top?

I'm on 80mg. And I've been on that for 3 years now. I relapsed in the middle of this year, around May. And yes I feel it. Actually my tolerance to heroin appears to have noticeably decreased.

I generally wait till it's about time for my next methadone dose before having a shot, but yeah it's still pretty damn good. Pretty similar to how I remember.
 

somnilicious

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 31, 2012
Messages
1,843
Location
Orlando, Fl
I'm on 80mg. And I've been on that for 3 years now. I relapsed in the middle of this year, around May. And yes I feel it. Actually my tolerance to heroin appears to have noticeably decreased.

I generally wait till it's about time for my next methadone dose before having a shot, but yeah it's still pretty damn good. Pretty similar to how I remember.
I only tried a couple of times when I first started almost 20yrs ago but I don't think I waited long enough(only 8hrs or so after dosing) or did enough(2 dime bags) because I didn't get much out of it. With the fentanyl situation in the United States it would probably be easy to break through now but also because of fentanyl I have no desire. Fentanyl has been great for my recovery and opiate cravings. It was actually mostly street methadone that I was using before I got back on the clinic.
 

JessFR

Sr. Moderator: AADD, H&R, TDS
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Oct 22, 2012
Messages
13,712
I only tried a couple of times when I first started almost 20yrs ago but I don't think I waited long enough(only 8hrs or so after dosing) or did enough(2 dime bags) because I didn't get much out of it. With the fentanyl situation in the United States it would probably be easy to break through now but also because of fentanyl I have no desire. Fentanyl has been great for my recovery and opiate cravings. It was actually mostly street methadone that I was using before I got back on the clinic.

Here in Australia we are fortunate to still have real heroin.

I do think if I had a shot within the few hours after having my dose it would be a lot less enjoyable.

Usually what I do is wait for my takeaway days, and have my shots then and save my doses for later.

That said I've only done this maybe a couple times a month for most of the year. Not all the time. Last shot I had was 2 months ago.

I plan to buy heroin maybe one more time and then stay off it the rest of the year.
 

Atelier3

Moderator: SLR
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Sep 28, 2019
Messages
5,668
I plan to buy heroin maybe one more time and then stay off it the rest of the year.
I’m curious why the one more shot if you don’t need it withdrawal wise and are committed to not using it thereafter. I have no real experience with opiates but for most stim addicts just one more almost always sets off another extended period of madness. I could not take the risk of having one for the road.
 

JessFR

Sr. Moderator: AADD, H&R, TDS
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13,712
I’m curious why the one more shot if you don’t need it withdrawal wise and are committed to not using it thereafter. I have no real experience with opiates but for most stim addicts just one more almost always sets off another extended period of madness. I could not take the risk of having one for the road.

Well. I've managed to go 2 months without getting more heroin in spite of having the money to do so.

So I'm reasonably confident I do it once more without losing control.

But you're right the sensible thing would be to stop now. But I don't wanna.

I have no doubt that if I weren't on methadone I'd immediately lose control just as you describe.
 

Rio Fantastic

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 19, 2009
Messages
1,724
Location
Birmingham
Happy New Year guys!

Oh... I forgot to mention in last yrs(min ago) thread that I'm still clean(well on methadone) and I drink kava every now and then.... Been over a month now. Can't wait till I'm off probie on the 20th so I can smoke. Gonna get my med card.

Happy New Years everyone. Make this the year. The world needs us sober. We have so much to offer during this time when everyone else seems to be imploding. We have empathy, compassion, wisdom, humility, durability, fortitude and strength. Be the change!!😀🎉🎉🎉🎉

Congratulations on the month, somni!! Really happy to here you're in a good place right now. It's a great feeling to enter the New Year clean & sober.

Well. I've managed to go 2 months without getting more heroin in spite of having the money to do so.

So I'm reasonably confident I do it once more without losing control.

But you're right the sensible thing would be to stop now. But I don't wanna.

I have no doubt that if I weren't on methadone I'd immediately lose control just as you describe.

I admire your restraint. I hope your plan works out. I don't think it's impossible to go from addiction to chipping, I just think that it takes more self-control and willpower than just not taking any opiates at all. Do you think you'd be less successful at occasional use were it not for the methadone?

I'm really happy that I've entered the new year sober, but my mood has been kind of shitty. My ex girlfriend chose last night to message me on Facebook, and when I saw her name pop up my stupid optimistic thoughts was that she wanted to talk again....nope. She asked me to delete the pictures I have of her on Facebook and then asked when I'd pay her her money back. I don't blame her for those requests, they're perfectly reasonable but - on fucking New Years Eve!? Seriously!? I feel committed to abstinence still though, and am planning on reducing my subutex and coming off of it completely ASAP now that Christmas/New Years is out the way. 17 days clean today and I'm heartened by the fact that despite my bad mood I haven't seriously thought about using.
 

Needtorest

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 23, 2020
Messages
14
Location
California
I just tried the fisher/Wallace brain stimulator.
lit actually works really good.
pretty instantly.
It is a genuine relief and I love it.
I did put it on level 3 and 4.
I now realize everything in this world is based around money.
not our best interest.
scientific studies show it works equally if not better than medications.
I can attest to this as I had good instant results.
but this technology is buried in all the drug companies bill shit. They don’t want to heal you. They want your money.
this isn’t cheap but it can be bought a lot less than 500 bucks. Under 300 is available if you search.
it’s worth every penny.
m
Peace out
 

Hylight

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 4, 2019
Messages
10,056
 

chinup

Moderator: H&R
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Messages
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Greatest city on Earth
happy new year all! hope everyone is doing well. i'm on day 1 of hopefully dry january and am not totally fecked off with the idea of not drinking yet, did drink a lot lost night but didn't get insanely wasted. feel it a bit today though so had a v lazy day.
 

bongdong

Resident Hermit
Joined
Jul 4, 2020
Messages
233
Location
monkeybody
Getting rid of the kratom monkey on my back (once again): day 1. Not much fun so far, some mind-war action and freezing going on, and the shit I don't want to look at and helped overlook with kratom for some time now is again right at me. Surprise! 😑 But that's what you get..

Edit: May the new year offer some peace for you all..
 

chinup

Moderator: H&R
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Joined
Aug 1, 2010
Messages
5,109
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Greatest city on Earth
day 1 of dry january is over, i'm off to bed. it wasn't too bad. it wasn't completely substance free cos i had 2 doses of solpadeine over the course of the day cos i was hungover as fuck, but they were dosed per the packet by my boyfriend, so not enough codeine to really have any recreational effect.
 

Chem-man

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 2, 2020
Messages
51
Happy New Year everyone!
I am glad and thankful to be posting here, I never thought there would be a point where the cycle of pills stopped for me. Even though I am on Suboxone instead of oxycodone and hydrocodone, it feels like I have made huge strides toward recovery- even while I know that I am still in recovery (if that makes sense).
Hopefully I can encourage or help someone else along the way in 2021.
 

Atelier3

Moderator: SLR
Staff member
Joined
Sep 28, 2019
Messages
5,668
It is late afternoon on Jan 2 here and I’ve just woken up after a 12 hour forced sleep to bring an end to the NYE high point of my 1 year meth binge. As regular readers will know i have developed a serious addiction to meth. Fortunately I was able to eventually shift from IV to smoking late in the year and I feel my long term needle fetish is now dead.

Thus far I feel incredibly tired and am already noticing emotional disregulation increasing quickly. I’ve simultaneously written one long cranky post directed at a member in another forum while crying at a thought about something that really was not really that sad. I expect both these things are going to get worse for a few weeks. While taking a fair amount seroquel and judicious and small amounts of valium will help prevent the full blown and suicidal existential crisis I had last time I was in this situation, I expect it is going to be a little while before I can trust myself around other people without giving them the impression something is seriously wrong with me.

Anyway, apart from giving harm reduction advice for stims and moderating Drug Culture, I hope I spend a larger part of my time with the getting clean and recovering part of the BL membership in here for the foreseeable future.
 

SunriseChampion

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 7, 2018
Messages
2,083
Location
Toronto
First of all, I would like to sincerely wish you all the best with your plans to clean up/get cleaned up in whatever form that may be for you and wish you all the best of health, physical and psychological. <3

I'm going full sober til my birthday in early March....except for tea....I'm never, ever, ever, etc giving up black tea.
Mainly I'm giving up drinking as I'm a serious binge drinker and it's doing my head in.
I've always taken periodic breaks since I started drinking back in.....2003? and do well with it. Abstinence isn't the problem for me; moderation is.

This time might be different though, depending on how things shape up. We've just entered at least a month of absolutely everything being shut down here. They're even rationing time on skating rinks for fuck's sake. I'm not sure how I'm going to cope with the social isolation.

This past spring, during our first lockdowns was the first time in my life that I started drinking alone.
Later in the summer, I started smoking again when I drank. The two eventually became entirely inseperable. Needless to say, I've now erased some of the health gains from quitting smoking in October 2019.

So now drinking isn't just binge drinking, it's binge smoking as well.

I don't have issues with the other drugs in the house (LSD, MDMA, and mushrooms) but have decided to not touch those either til at least my birthday weekend. Just to clear up the head completely (though, to be honest, any of those three would probably aid in that).

The mental clarity I get after I stop drinking usually takes three weeks to appear and it feels so good that I feel like is reason enough to take breaks.

I'm trying to figure out moderation though. Like fuck me, why can't I do it? I have no problem moderating use of any other drugs I do, including fucky ones like cocaine. But booze? Nope.

I also do drink too often for my tastes. Usually every weekend at least one day for up 3 months at a time. I would like to keep drinking to special occasions instead of this. Though, to be honest, football season is fucking hard. Pints go with football as well as smoking goes with drinking. :(
This won't be a problem though if I can manage to keep it to three pints instead of the usual match day shenanigans of a couple before the match, another 3-4 at the stadium, and then another 6-8 at the pub, etc.

Does anyone here have any experience with turning binge drinking into moderate drinking?
 
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