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Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2020 ⫷⫷

tired of crap

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 26, 2009
Messages
998
Started 2020 with 1 year off alcohol.
Sobriety aint for me but the last quarter of 2019 I became conscious of pot/psychedelic/dissos use and Ive since checked my use in those categories as well.

Been trying to be conscious of other problematic behaviour patterns too.
As being more aware of the effects of my actions was my only resolution for the year

Hope everyones doing well
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words, SLR
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Jianghan Qu, Wuhan Shi, Hubei Sheng, China
congrats all. I have made a series of really stupid decisions and am still alright. No heroin/bupe for many years though, never letting go of that accomplishment, mostly because I know I will never be able to repeat such a monumental task. But also the scene here is not H-laden and ECP doesn't really exist here which is nice. I'd have died on the other side of the nation that's for sure.

Been trying to be conscious of other problematic behaviour patterns too.
THIS!!! I've been working on THIS a LOT. Feel free to talk about them here, it's all a part of recovery. <3
 

tired of crap

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 26, 2009
Messages
998
So I just made a file in excel with different sheets for behaviours/lifestyle patterns I want to work on - though I suppose theyre not all "problematic".

Ive got sheets for Screens, mindfulness, exercise, junk food, water, hobbies and socializing...
I try to be conscious of my behaviours and take note so I can fill these in later..
It seems kind of .... intense? ... to be tracking it in such a way but Im finding it helpful.

My next step is to start journalling more to see how these categories effect my mood
In fact I think Ill include that under mindfulness from now on ..

And while Im thinking about it I should likely add sleep to the list
 
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Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words, SLR
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Screens what like reducing screen time? I'm confused.

The rest sounds TOTALLY doable and easy though! :D

I've been working on OCD/social inhibition/etc. Whatever I did seems to have eliminated OCD for me, made depression/anxiety normal durations/intensities but still have PTSD, but without all the icing on the cake it's a lot less fattening, so to speak.

It's better to know what you want to work on and work on it than to never do it and I'm one of those people who will need to write it down or work it out w/ someone if I know it's a problem (and in the latter, also be continually reminded of the problem).
 

tired of crap

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 26, 2009
Messages
998
Haha I love the analogy
Glad youre doing better. I initially came to comment thanks for starting the Jan thread as I thought Id read a while back you werent posting much in HR because things were rough

Haha ya my goal is to reduce wasteful screen time. So I am trying to be conscious of it in general...As Ive noted a strong correlation between social media and my poor mental health. Im not sure if its some sort of fomo or just because im sitting being inactive

But lets be real there are many positive uses for screens...The internet is full of knowledge but Im so often guilty of just shit posting to facebook lol... but Summers coming and I wanna get going on some seeds/plants ... And I just downloaded a CBT info manual which seems kinda interesting. And lately Ive been trying to learn to juggle and all the tutorials are online ...
 
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Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words, SLR
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Things were, changing. It's hard to say. I went on a drug-addled binge from 2019-2020 to deal with, like, 6 griefs, the (temporary) loss of a relationship (or at least having to read the signals that they only want sex from me not love?) and trying to move on (which has become incredibly hard because people seem more worth it than drugs now).

I got to a point where I accepted and can live with all the losses I've been through. At the very least I'm glad none of them are suffering any longer. <3 Many of them went out in incredibly painful ways or from incredibly painful/dehumanizing diseases. I think the only one of them that maybe found the same acceptance/inner peace in life was a fam member, and my cat. The others were afflicted w/ addiction, struggles and never got to work past them. I would have tried harder to help if I was in a better place myself then and I have to live w/ that for... yeah the rest of my life, and I came to peace with that too.

Facebook is an information sponge that sells all your info. Even if I liked it (never did) I would go out of my way to get off that site. OH but don't let ME tell you what to do, I spent quite some time posting edgy political memes in CEP when I got home.

To be fair I did stop playing video games for about 2 weeks.

getting back to EARTH/NATURE is so helpful and is so much more awesome than screens/technology (which is kind of a lie because I am addicted to/love technology, have been on computers daily/near-daily since age 2) but the INSTANT I get back out to nature I don't miss technology and want to go exploring. :) so I guess it's not really a lie?

philosophically everything may already be part of the technological singularity. And another way to view it is everything that makes up technology and natural stuff are identical (sub-particles) and what not. Mindfulness is important for sure. You can use screens but don't obsess/waste time on them I guess? If that's the thing you're working on. Some people have the "preoccupied thoughts" regarding it. Considering how work-centric a mobile phone device can be I almost don't blame people.

Watch this if you will.

whoops wrong youtube it's a 5 part series let me find the right clip

Or I can tell you the specific part you should watch of the whole clip... let me re-watch. It's fascinating.

A compatible way you might improve your screen time usage; do more high-minded things with it (like reading a novel PDF instead of watching a movie, or make unique digital art instead of just looking at others, etc.) hmmm.


THIS. I have studied psychology. Certain psychology majors are going to really get off on being paid to make technology more user friendly, seamless and addictive/reinforcing. You absolutely absolutely should be aware of this. This is specifically what I would excel at (but don't do because I don't think creating new non-drug addictions in society is a worthwhile endeavor at the moment). Every time I play a video game for instance I have one, to hundreds of ideas as playing (depending on the time of year, what I'm doing in the game) to make it more profitable. Not necessarily "addictive/time consuming" but the more $ you put into something the more compelled you will be to be time-consumed by it, for the average person...

8 minutes 40 seconds into it... BF Skinner... this is the part you must watch.
until 9 minutes 41 seconds, literally 1 minute of your time will open your eyes on "technology addiction".

"The randomness is very important" = imagine how random/bizarre every DJT tweet is from the middle of the night to start everyone's days/dialogues. Hence why I wish people/news would ban reporting on his tweets, etc.
11:25 and on...
"we now have over 2 billion skinner boxes in people's pockets" ... "We are running the largest experiment, like psychological experiment, that the world has ever seen, by orders of magnitude, right?"
if cell phone addiction rates hit high enough it would make drug addiction #'s seem like, nothing. But if everyone's doing it no one can really realize their problematic behavior, it's reinforced by everyone around you, encouraged even. he goes onto say 1 in 4 people have a cell phone; this is most analogous to cigarette smoking rates though I believe they should be lower than 25%; and a global average of USA for cell phone ownership will be very high and nowhere near 25.

What might be interesting is to measure cig addiction:cell phone ratios in countries around the world, map it w/ a color gradient.

~ 12 minutes the lady goes "Because YOU have FREE WILL" in that voice like it's a joke determinism freaks such as myself remind people who have free will.. o_O yeah I get like that sarcastic when I reinforce the "You have FREE WILL" in real life too. You can tell the type of psychologists who excel/get employed this way but have enough of a soul to at least sit down and detail a bit about the technology addiction engineering they're doing definitely don't believe in free will like me. Lol. :censored:

"You have FREE WILL, you are a SOVEREIGN CONSUMER" = same people then go to make the technology as addictive as possible to reduce others' free will. Or "suspend it", I guess, I don't know, if you believe in free will. I was a lot happier when I believed in it.

"A return to Skinner in the 80-90's would have been unheard of or even creepy, someone designing your behavior" yup.

"Behavior designer" sounds like a future job for me, alright. :(
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words, SLR
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I thought Id read a while back you werent posting much in HR because things were rough
They were, and I was actively planning on committing suicide. I now feel I can live at least a few more decades of my life out.

It's pretty hard to share that with your IRL friends so I'm choosing to tell ya'll instead. I don't want an IRL pity party or empathy. Understanding is too much to ask in a lifelover-filled society.
 

schizopath

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Shiiiit just got real. I ll be moving back to city in 1.3.2019. Cant afford village people life anymore. Propably saving like 300+ a month just from rent and electricity/heating.
 

Captain.Heroin

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Shiiiit just got real. I ll be moving back to city in 1.3.2019. Cant afford village people life anymore. Propably saving like 300+ a month just from rent and electricity/heating.
It was really good for your recovery/mental health to get into the village though, right? Are there any programs to help subsidize your cost of living if it's mentally healthier for you?

Just got rid of my stash.
SUPER proud of you man. Will power is like 10x more important. Your freedom = 100x more important.

You're doing the right thing and are gonna have a *blast* when you're free again man. Just focus on your creative drives, keep writing I love your writing style and never stop being who you are at heart. <3
 

Wormwood44

Bluelighter
Joined
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Messages
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Location
Colorado, USA
@Captain.Heroin Wow! Again, my friend, you say some darn good stuff - extremely well thought out & articulated into words. Very uplifting to me listening to how positive you are despite tragedy & life in general. Kudos!

Perhaps a book on the horizon?
Captain Heroin's Book on Life & Recovery?
It would need a good title!
 

schizopath

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It was really good for your recovery/mental health to get into the village though, right? Are there any programs to help subsidize your cost of living if it's mentally healthier for you?
I think Im finally stable enough to move back to city. Also got friends in the city. My parents have helped me way too much while I have lived in the village too so theres that.

I moved to the village at the peak of my psychosis and after that life has gotten way better and I have learned usefull skills while living in the village.
 

schizopath

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Though I was denied welfare this month cause "2017 I quit my job" which is factually incorrect and I ll try to sort that shit next week and call dentist before I get blood poisoning.
 

schizopath

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Still wont start IVing drugs as I move to the city. Propably looking for a place with 2 rooms (cheapest town in Finland) so I can use the other room for growing... my next months living welfare has to be fully spent to debts and growing shit, and lil bit of drugs, so I can put them past me.
 

Captain.Heroin

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Just got rid of my stash.
SUPER proud of you man. Will power is like 10x more important. Your freedom = 100x more important.

You're doing the right thing and are gonna have a *blast* when you're free again man. Just focus on your creative drives, keep writing I love your writing style and never stop being who you are at heart. <3
@Captain.Heroin Wow! Again, my friend, you say some darn good stuff - extremely well thought out & articulated into words. Very uplifting to me listening to how positive you are despite tragedy & life in general. Kudos!

Perhaps a book on the horizon?
Captain Heroin's Book on Life & Recovery?
It would need a good title!
I am writing a novel about it. Title chosen. It's going to be a bit of a nihilistic fictional novel written with parody in a non-fiction gonzo/immersive journalism style.

It is somewhat antithetical to the nature of recovery in our sense here in the states. But I am certain it saved my life. Wasn't planning on living to see 2021.
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words, SLR
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Still wont start IVing drugs as I move to the city. Propably looking for a place with 2 rooms (cheapest town in Finland) so I can use the other room for growing... my next months living welfare has to be fully spent to debts and growing shit, and lil bit of drugs, so I can put them past me.
Pot or shrooms I'm assuming WAY better than injecting drugs for sure.
 

schizopath

Moderator: Music
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Pot or shrooms I'm assuming WAY better than injecting drugs for sure.
Propably getting back to smoking pot more. My friends smoke shitload of pot and deal drugs so propably stopping dnm orders. Also the city I ll move to has like the purest fucking amphetamine and no shit rcs.
 

Wormwood44

Bluelighter
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@Captain.Heroin A nihilistic fictional novel written with parody in a non-fiction gonzo/immersive journalism style.

Dude, I love it! I'll be the first to but one of those books! How interesting!
 

schizopath

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Propably starting investing in bulk deals and growing shiet but stopping ordering altogether. Fuck Im too happy that I ll move to the city. Also theres a school that I ll apply to.
 

Captain.Heroin

Sr. Moderator: H&R, Words, SLR
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Jianghan Qu, Wuhan Shi, Hubei Sheng, China
@Captain.Heroin A nihilistic fictional novel written with parody in a non-fiction gonzo/immersive journalism style.

Dude, I love it! I'll be the first to but one of those books! How interesting!
it's a bit disgusting/disturbing of a tale and i'm going to intentionally ham it up a bit to parody the novel I'll be parodying.

it's an ideological slap in the face of people who purport to believe such things but really aren't at heart, but also a literal non-fiction how-to guide on how to do certain things.

it's going to be ... far out and bizarre but less lengthy tl;dr than my first.
 
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