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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

Feeling shame, opiate addict

And btw 2019 started SHITTY!! Newyears day my son had seizures for 45 minutes straight! Called ambulance, hes fine again,,,, ,,for now. We have epilidox comming for him (marijuana based med) praying it stops his seizures, hes 19 cant work cant drive nothing, its hard on me n mom and his 15 yr old sister soooo thats how my year started, now im sitting at pharmacy wsiting for a bottle of percs, talk about stress! Im gonna have my wife count them AS SOON AS I WALK IN THE DOOR! I know ill b good but still stressful having them beside me
 
Gunslinger354 said:
Thsnks ash, im doing well but about to be tested, my wife had knee surgery yesterday and i hafta go get the pain meds here in 20 minutes but i showed them that the script is for 30 pills and ill want her to count them when i get home to show i didnt stray, just putting a safeguard on myself
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Good call on that, very proactive. :)
 
I didnt stray but i gotta say WOW was it tough!!! And a lot more anxious tonight knowing they are in the house but they are locked up
 
Good for you George, I'm really proud of you, not just for this but for all of it.

I am praying for your son and I hope your wife heals quickly. Have a great day.

your friend,
Ash.

Gunslinger354 said:
I didnt stray but i gotta say WOW was it tough!!! And a lot more anxious tonight knowing they are in the house but they are locked up
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Well scary day, my son is having seizures every other day now, really stressfull which leads me to my confessional post.... remember i stated i went to locksmith school when i was younger? And i had my wife use a combonation lock on her pain pills for her knee surgery, wellllll turns out i remember how to "feel" the discs in a combo lock to figure out the combo......yes i was in in under 20 seconds ,,,master lock under 20 seconds normally id be proud i remembered how but im not, i grabbed 2 percs (shes in bed asleep) BUT!!!!! As i looked at them in my hand i just felt shame,what am i doing?! Its nearly been a month since my last pain pill,A MONTH! I decided i would only destroy my progress,, I PUT THEM BACK! Relocked the box , but i feel so guilty, even though i didnt take them. Im afraid to tell my wife that no lock is safe and admit i got in, she will probably want me to prove i didnt take them my testing, but i swear i honestly didnt take em. What should i do? Shes been so proud of me,
 
My opinion is don't tell her and move on. If you did not take them there's nothing to worry about.

You are working so hard and I am so proud of you!

If you ever need to talk PM me anytime.

Have a good night and God bless!
 
I agree with Drew.

I wouldn't tell her, you didn't take them after all. I'm proud of you.

Feel free to pm me anytime. Hang tough George.

I'll be praying for your son.

Hugs,
your friend,
Ash​
 
Agreed, no sense in telling her since you didn't take them. Good for you! Although that's kinda scary you can't be stopped by a lock box, but at least you have self-control.

Just remember that it WILL destroy your progress, and that you need to be able to be 100% there for your son. I'm sorry your son and your family have to deal with this, that must be so scary. <3
 
Thanks everybody, im leaving for pittsburg with him here in a hour for two days of testing....again
 
I'll be praying for you both today GS.

Safe travels and hang in there, glad your son has such a great dad in you. Very proud of you.

Update when you can please.

Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.

Gunslinger354 said:
Thanks everybody, im leaving for pittsburg with him here in a hour for two days of testing....again
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We made it safe , hes asleep finally, thanks ash im doing well all things considered, your great i hope ur doing well. Im occupying my self with mobile games and facebook :)
 
Honestly I can't even imagine what you're son is going through. My prayers are with you and your son. I've seen God do some amazing things... just amazing things. Please keep your head up. I'm praying for son. Hang in there please.

Please keep us updated. God bless!
 
I'm glad you made it there ok George.

Please keep updating when you can. I'm praying for your son.

Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.

Gunslinger354 said:
We made it safe , hes asleep finally, thanks ash im doing well all things considered, your great i hope ur doing well. Im occupying my self with mobile games and facebook :)
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Update: had seizure last night which is good so drs can see what me n mom are going thru, looks like we are here till friday ugh, im doing well no issues except rude ppl lol
 
Ahhh yes rude staff are the worst.

Hang in there, glad they are monitoring him, I hope they figure things out George. I'm praying for you guys.


Hang tough my friend.

Hugs,
Ash.

Gunslinger354 said:
Update: had seizure last night which is good so drs can see what me n mom are going thru, looks like we are here till friday ugh, im doing well no issues except rude ppl lol
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Thinking of you guys. Hope you're not too bored and that you're getting some answers for your son George.


Update when you have time.

Much love and support and a few prayers too,
your friend,
Ash.
 
I know it may not seem like it right now, but do not worry. You will be okay. I AM addicted to opioids myself (though I haven't used myself since September, if I had the chance to use them recreationally, I would take it.) and what I have learned is yes, it provides a very relaxing euphoric high that arguably cannot be matched in my opinion. I found it made me be able to function much easier at work, and engage with co workers in a "relaxed" manner as I am naturally an anxious individual. I learned overtime as great as that feeling is, it goes away. Then you know what happens? You require more and more, eventually leading to a dose increase to obtain desired effect, and unfortunately in some cases, leading to accidental overdose.

You are off to a great start believe it or not, and am hopeful you can overcome this. The fact you told your wife tells me everything I need to know as far as your motivation to actually want to control this. The person who said they feel you are "trolling" can go eff themselves. You came here for assistance and that is what you will get to the best of our ability.
 
"There" yes i agree with everything you said even the rude guy saying i was "trolling" im so thankful others could see i was genuine, i also know the euphoric feeling u talked about but near the end of my usage i didnt get that high feeling but needed it to feel "normal" to function ,we all know the non quote unquote non normal feeling was the onset of withdrawls, im doing good now, we are being discharged today and ive only takin my comfort meds once in this 4 day admission for my son. Ash and drew among others have been amazing so much gratitude for them both. Im still struggling with the fact i can get into my wifes pain meds "IF" i wanted but im doing this for me and them
 
Im actually thinking i should tell my wife to be more secure with the pain meds to get a digital punch code lock box, ive never been trained on opening them,as long as there isnt a keyhole or combo dial back up i wouldnt be able to get in it, but im also afraid if i mention that she would become suspicious as to why, its a skill ive been legally trained in that i never tjought would pose a danger to myself
 
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