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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

Tell A Shit Joke: Number 2

steewith2ees

steewith2ees

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** Previous version here **

F.U.B.A.R. said:
Einstein's girlfriend approached him one day:

"Albert, I feel our relationship is breaking down. There are two things I want from you. Basically, I need more time and space."

Einstein looked up at her and said:

"Ok my dear; and what's the second thing?"
Click to expand...

That's not shit - it is both amusing and educational. Comeduction (as in Com - education, not Come Duction)?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
A man walks into a cafe and asks "could I have a latte but without the milk?". The waiter replies "I'm sorry, sir but we don't have any milk. Would you like a latte without cream?"
 
During the war Winston Churchill went to an asylum, during his visit he got talking to a guy building a wall. Winston asked him how he ended up there and the guy replied "I don't know really" and Winston said "I'll have a word with the doctors because you seem fine to me". As Winston was leaving he was struck by a housebrick on the back of the head. He staggered round and the guy building the wall said "Don't forget".

That's the first joke I ever remember - must've been about 8 when I heard it. It was made especially funny by having it told to me by an older guy I really liked who had a beautiful sense of humour.
 
A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender looks at him, and says "For you, no charge
 
Two atoms bump into each other. One says "I think I lost an electron!" The other asks, "Are you sure?", to which the first replies, "I'm positive."
 
An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all times.
The engineer chose fire, which gave humanity power over matter.
The physicist chose the wheel, which gave humanity the power over space.
The mathematician chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power over symbols.The mystic chose the thermos bottle.
"Why a thermos bottle?" the others asked.
"Because the thermos keeps hot liquids hot in winter and cold liquids cold in summer."
"Yes -- so what?"
"Think about it." said the mystic reverently. That little bottle -- how does it know?"
 
A photon walks up to the reception desk at a hotel. Have you got a room for the night?
The clerk on the desk looks in the book and says, Room 30 is free. Do you need any help with your bags?
No, thanks, says the photon, I'm travelling light!
 
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?




Anyone can roast beef

(Sorry to lower the joke intelligence level - I just got that one off a joke bog roll!)
 
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