Hi. I'm 29 years old and i never had sex (only 3 times at prostitutes). Its not because of my bad look, but because of my low selfconfidence since high school. Years were flying by and here we are - 29. You will probably say go out and find somebody, but the problem are my thoughts that are taking all my will to live away. I cant deal with the facts that i lost 12 years of my live and havent experienced nothing. Not going out into the club with friends in young years and party, no real kissing with normal girl, no real sex, no one night stands, relationship, travelling. All things that for most people are normal. Because of that i dont feel competitive to girls that i like and i feel they all are much better then me, on higher level and i'm not good enough for them and all of the people, because i havent alived so much then others, was almost all the time at home and work. How can be such person equal to others? It can't! Its terrible if i go into the shopping center and see in 2 hours hundreds of women with which i would like to have sex and i know i didnt have such interesting past as them. Those thoughts are eating me up every single day, all day. I was also at therapist, but didnt help. Also i took antidepressants, but those also dont take facts away. Nothing can take away the facts, that i'm not on same level as those girls who are having sex since highschool, were on so many parties and so on. For them its normal to have a penis in their hands or mouth, for me this is science fiction and somebody who is 12 years behind in my opinion can never again be same worth as person who alived all those things in normal years (18-24). Sex is the highest thing in live and if you dont have it you havent lived. Therefor i dont know what to do, because there is no way out to feel the same worth as those people anymore, that have normal sex live since their high school. To be honest, the best would be this life would be over and i could sleep forever, to not have this thoughts of facts every day...
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how to deal with being unequal to girls? :(
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Mysterie
Bluelight Crew
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have you tried cognitive behavioural therapy, or a mindfulness practice? to me, the concerning thing is the fact that you are so troubled by your thoughts, that you think life is no longer worth living.
self-hate is something that is going to put any potential romantic partner off, i'd think of how to cultivate an acceptance of who you are, that you are okay as you are now.
something i practice when i have a thought of something in the past and i notice my body will tense up, and i will reject that thought and it leads to me being self-critical. what i do when i notice that thought which brings up trauma from the past, is that i will breathe into my lower belly and feel into that area of my body. i keep doing this until the pull towards the thought relaxes.
what this does is engages the parasympathetic nervous system which is the 'relaxation' side of the nervous system, as opposed to the 'fight or flight' sympathetic nervous system, which is what we unconsciously inhabit when we engage in fear based thought patterns, it is something that doesn't serve us in this modern time where we really are not under threat of attack.
for me its been useful to inhabit my body to ground myself when i get caught up in my thoughts.
the past isn't something that can be changed and all there is for us is being aware of what's happening in this moment.
i hope this helps in some way, i know how it is to have low self-confidence and no sexual contact. i disagree with you that sex is the highest thing in life, i think that love and connection is more fundamental to us living a fulfilling life, especially that love and connection with who we are.
self-hate is something that is going to put any potential romantic partner off, i'd think of how to cultivate an acceptance of who you are, that you are okay as you are now.
something i practice when i have a thought of something in the past and i notice my body will tense up, and i will reject that thought and it leads to me being self-critical. what i do when i notice that thought which brings up trauma from the past, is that i will breathe into my lower belly and feel into that area of my body. i keep doing this until the pull towards the thought relaxes.
what this does is engages the parasympathetic nervous system which is the 'relaxation' side of the nervous system, as opposed to the 'fight or flight' sympathetic nervous system, which is what we unconsciously inhabit when we engage in fear based thought patterns, it is something that doesn't serve us in this modern time where we really are not under threat of attack.
for me its been useful to inhabit my body to ground myself when i get caught up in my thoughts.
the past isn't something that can be changed and all there is for us is being aware of what's happening in this moment.
i hope this helps in some way, i know how it is to have low self-confidence and no sexual contact. i disagree with you that sex is the highest thing in life, i think that love and connection is more fundamental to us living a fulfilling life, especially that love and connection with who we are.
I could meet up with a girl next sunday that i meet on facebook, but i just dont see a point. She experienced it all, had a lot of sex (which i like in a girl), but she is simply too much over my level because of that. She wants to meet bad, she likes me, but this doesnt matter, because she doesnt know my past (numbers and statistic how little i alived) 
I dont see point in having sex in present or future, because i can't get equal to all those girls anyway. They had sex so many times... they had so much joy in life because of that, i did have nothing. Girls simply won, because they have it so much easier in life with their beauitul look
I dont see point in having sex in present or future, because i can't get equal to all those girls anyway. They had sex so many times... they had so much joy in life because of that, i did have nothing. Girls simply won, because they have it so much easier in life with their beauitul look
Mysterie
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its ok. there is nothing to be ashamed about not having girlfriends or lots of sex. everyone has different personalities and some people are more naturally outgoing than others. some girls are actually attracted to guys that are shy/quieter! even if you won't do it for yourself, do it for me, let me live vicariously through you ! ;d
srsly tho, it is confusing to me that you are plagued by worry that you haven't had sex, now you have an opportunity to meet up with a girl that likes you, and you can't see the point.
if you don't at least try, wouldn't you regret that? isn't it better to try and to fail than to have never tried at all? everyone has to start somewhere, when is there going to be a better time.
srsly tho, it is confusing to me that you are plagued by worry that you haven't had sex, now you have an opportunity to meet up with a girl that likes you, and you can't see the point.
if you don't at least try, wouldn't you regret that? isn't it better to try and to fail than to have never tried at all? everyone has to start somewhere, when is there going to be a better time.
If you fail, it shows you are really nothing worth. Not capabable to satisfy a women.
Yes, some girls are attracted, but those are two groups. First, which have also little experience (i am not attracted to those unfortunately, even if the girl would be beautiful).
And second, girls who had much sex, but dont understand how life without sex feels, because its so normal to them, so they can't judge objectivly if life without sex is worth or not.
Yes, some girls are attracted, but those are two groups. First, which have also little experience (i am not attracted to those unfortunately, even if the girl would be beautiful).
And second, girls who had much sex, but dont understand how life without sex feels, because its so normal to them, so they can't judge objectivly if life without sex is worth or not.
Thats the point. Its too late now to be normal... other people have sex since their 15-16 year. They experimented, did anal, threesome, bdsm and for them its today nothing special and just a little memory of their past. They dont understand how lucky they were. For me all those things are science fiction. There is no way out, because others won the race
queenbee1127
Bluelighter
You can't change the past, all you can do is change your behavior going forward. Obsessing over things you haven't done is just utterly pointless.
The opportunity is there, take it. I promise you, no girl is going to mind the fact that you haven't had all these crazy life experiences. They won't even know unless you bring it up.
You need to change your attitude about it, the way you see yourself is paramount.
The opportunity is there, take it. I promise you, no girl is going to mind the fact that you haven't had all these crazy life experiences. They won't even know unless you bring it up.
You need to change your attitude about it, the way you see yourself is paramount.
JessFR
Bluelight Crew
Agreed, you need a serious attitude change. You can't change the facts of the past but you can change your interpretation of it. This is all in your head, having partied and had sex and shit like that in your early 20s would not inherently make you happy, It doesn't ensure happyness for anyone. I was in a relationship, and still am, for most of my 20s, from early 22 to today at 27, so I didn't do much of that shit either. Worthwhile trade IMO.
You gotta try and stop this shit about being less worthy, nothing about partying or having sex in your early 20s has anything to do with your worth as a person. And saying girls have it easier is bs, it's grass is always greener shit.
I dunno what will help you, but I'm sure doing nothing will change nothing. So go out, see this girl, see a shrink, try and change things. And saying you're unworthy of seeing girls now is bs, this has nothing to do with your worth as a person. And any girl worth being with isn't going to care about your history, I doubt almost anyone would care because most people doing have this obsession you do.
In my opinion, sex is overrated. Sure its good, but there are many better things in life.
You gotta try and stop this shit about being less worthy, nothing about partying or having sex in your early 20s has anything to do with your worth as a person. And saying girls have it easier is bs, it's grass is always greener shit.
I dunno what will help you, but I'm sure doing nothing will change nothing. So go out, see this girl, see a shrink, try and change things. And saying you're unworthy of seeing girls now is bs, this has nothing to do with your worth as a person. And any girl worth being with isn't going to care about your history, I doubt almost anyone would care because most people doing have this obsession you do.
In my opinion, sex is overrated. Sure its good, but there are many better things in life.
Maybe in the past was so. Today you need to have a lot of partners. Media and movies are telling so. We see on forums what people write. Some have 2 partners in 1 weeks, some have threesomes, foursomes. Society evolved and is now advanced. And i didnt have this. I just can't deal with this anymore... i need to cry all the time, thinking how others had sex I lost the race. I lost the game
Offcourse people who did have sex don't care about it, because they dont understand what is life without sex, love, party. They don't understand they would feel the same empty and worthless. How important sex is for life, like water or air, only on psychological level.
There is simply no way out, its too late
I lost the race. I lost the game Offcourse people who did have sex don't care about it, because they dont understand what is life without sex, love, party. They don't understand they would feel the same empty and worthless. How important sex is for life, like water or air, only on psychological level.
There is simply no way out, its too late
JessFR
Bluelight Crew
This is all in your head man. What you're talking about is a lifestyle and not everyone engages in it. Some don't because they dunno how, others because they don't want too. Noone has too and many have a negative opinion of the lifestyle.
There is no need for you to catch up, there's nothing actually objectively wrong with you outside your imagination. And as for girls having it easier, a lot of people have a negative view of women with many sexual partners.
You seem obsessed with sex, feeling like the whole world revolves around sex and your life is meaningless without it.I would consider that a negative thing in its own right.
A lot of people, like me, wont care how many sexual partners you had, or your partying history or lack of. Since you're obsessed with it you seek to think everyone else must be too. But that's not true. There are many subcultures in our world and a wide variety of opinions towards the clubbing partying lifestyle. You seem to be taking one subculture in our society, and arbitrarily considering it to be at the heart of life and human worth, when nothing could be further from the truth.
Some people have a perfectly happy life totally asexual.
There is no need for you to catch up, there's nothing actually objectively wrong with you outside your imagination. And as for girls having it easier, a lot of people have a negative view of women with many sexual partners.
You seem obsessed with sex, feeling like the whole world revolves around sex and your life is meaningless without it.I would consider that a negative thing in its own right.
A lot of people, like me, wont care how many sexual partners you had, or your partying history or lack of. Since you're obsessed with it you seek to think everyone else must be too. But that's not true. There are many subcultures in our world and a wide variety of opinions towards the clubbing partying lifestyle. You seem to be taking one subculture in our society, and arbitrarily considering it to be at the heart of life and human worth, when nothing could be further from the truth.
Some people have a perfectly happy life totally asexual.
Some people seem kind of emotionally damaged from engaging in sex with too many people.
Especially in combination with partying and self-abusive use of drugs and alcohol - these kinds of lifestyles don't guarantee fulfillment or emotional security; for lots of people i've known, the opposite has been true.
It's not as black and white as mass media makes it out to be. I agree with what everyone is telling you, dude.
Live for today - forget about the past or what may be.
The only way to change your current insecurity is to actively challenge your hang-ups.
Especially in combination with partying and self-abusive use of drugs and alcohol - these kinds of lifestyles don't guarantee fulfillment or emotional security; for lots of people i've known, the opposite has been true.
It's not as black and white as mass media makes it out to be. I agree with what everyone is telling you, dude.
Live for today - forget about the past or what may be.
The only way to change your current insecurity is to actively challenge your hang-ups.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3774694/
Watch this movie. there is nothing more beautiful then sex and this one proves it. Also this is lifestyle i want. And you see there..the girl is only 17 and wants threesomes. Do you understand how advanced this women is? How much she alived in all those years until she is 29? And you are telling me i am equal to those people...be objective please.
Watch this movie. there is nothing more beautiful then sex and this one proves it. Also this is lifestyle i want. And you see there..the girl is only 17 and wants threesomes. Do you understand how advanced this women is? How much she alived in all those years until she is 29? And you are telling me i am equal to those people...be objective please.
Look, when i was younger i used to really resent films and tv that presented only young, flawlessly beautiful people as the cast.
Nowadays i can appreciate physical beauty because i can see it in all manner of people; those stereotypically good-looking or not.
Some of the most beautiful and happy people i know aren't physically perfect or stereotypically attractive.
Seriously - forget hollywood stereotypes about age, looks, experience. It is all idealised fairytale bullshit created to be consumed.
If you think sex and good looks make you happy, look at how marilyn munroe ended up. There is more to life than sexual conquest yardsticks.
Promiscuity is all well and good - if it suits your emotional and other needs. It doesn't make everyone happy, trust me. There is plenty to make you miserable in amorous pursuits!
That is about as objective as i can be. I know what you're getting at, but reality is not represented perfectly in films; it is fiction.
Besides, how are you ever going to get past this stage in your life if you let it get in the way of real experience, as you are saying it is? You know there is only one way past this, right?
Nowadays i can appreciate physical beauty because i can see it in all manner of people; those stereotypically good-looking or not.
Some of the most beautiful and happy people i know aren't physically perfect or stereotypically attractive.
Seriously - forget hollywood stereotypes about age, looks, experience. It is all idealised fairytale bullshit created to be consumed.
If you think sex and good looks make you happy, look at how marilyn munroe ended up. There is more to life than sexual conquest yardsticks.
Promiscuity is all well and good - if it suits your emotional and other needs. It doesn't make everyone happy, trust me. There is plenty to make you miserable in amorous pursuits!
That is about as objective as i can be. I know what you're getting at, but reality is not represented perfectly in films; it is fiction.
Besides, how are you ever going to get past this stage in your life if you let it get in the way of real experience, as you are saying it is? You know there is only one way past this, right?
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JessFR
Bluelight Crew
What does equal mean? If you mean human worthyness, I wouldn't count partying or sexual experience as anything in terms of being a worthwhile person. It proves nothing about your character, maturity, insight, anything really.
And as for how much you've lived by your age, well that can mean a lot of things. Many having nothing to do with sex.
crzydiamond
Bluelighter
Ok....wow where to start??
First. Movies portray a fantasy. No one lived like they do in the movies. For instance, in movies about college everyone is always partying and having sex and threesome and watching ppl have sex... Blah blah... Not real life. Porn fantasy
People writing on Internet can write anything they wish. You can write that you have had 50 partners if you wish. No one would know.
Second-- having a variety of experience isn't something to be proud of or ashamed of. And there is no time limit in which to have experience.
Third-- in real life 17 year olds are not generally " so experienced that they moved onto threesomes". And truthfully if there are a few that did-- probably and usually are regarded as the slut of their school. Right or wrong, it's how it happens.
A lot of girls and guys are in long term relationships or are shy or don't want a lot of partners so it's quite normal to have only had a few partners. You really REALLY need to understand that what you see portrayed in movies is not real. It is fantasy. If you try to live up to it you will always feel like a failure.
That's analogous to girls who look at magazine models and look down on themselves because they don't measure up to being a size 0 at 6 feet tall. It isn't the "normal", average person
You want an experienced girl, that's your choice. But don't assume every girl wants a "player" guy who had lots of sex partners. For many girls that is something g that isn't appealing
Mostly--you need to accept yourself. Live and enjoy life. It's not something where you must pass this level by this age or that level by that age. Some peopl blossom later.
I think you compare your life too much to TV/movie/fiction. You will never be happy if that's the case. Live YOUR journey. Go out with the girl. What happens happens. She will have no clue about your past or lack thereof unless you tell her. If you carry yourself with confidence no one would ever know you are t experienced
I sincerely hope you can adjust your perspective
First. Movies portray a fantasy. No one lived like they do in the movies. For instance, in movies about college everyone is always partying and having sex and threesome and watching ppl have sex... Blah blah... Not real life. Porn fantasy
People writing on Internet can write anything they wish. You can write that you have had 50 partners if you wish. No one would know.
Second-- having a variety of experience isn't something to be proud of or ashamed of. And there is no time limit in which to have experience.
Third-- in real life 17 year olds are not generally " so experienced that they moved onto threesomes". And truthfully if there are a few that did-- probably and usually are regarded as the slut of their school. Right or wrong, it's how it happens.
A lot of girls and guys are in long term relationships or are shy or don't want a lot of partners so it's quite normal to have only had a few partners. You really REALLY need to understand that what you see portrayed in movies is not real. It is fantasy. If you try to live up to it you will always feel like a failure.
That's analogous to girls who look at magazine models and look down on themselves because they don't measure up to being a size 0 at 6 feet tall. It isn't the "normal", average person
You want an experienced girl, that's your choice. But don't assume every girl wants a "player" guy who had lots of sex partners. For many girls that is something g that isn't appealing
Mostly--you need to accept yourself. Live and enjoy life. It's not something where you must pass this level by this age or that level by that age. Some peopl blossom later.
I think you compare your life too much to TV/movie/fiction. You will never be happy if that's the case. Live YOUR journey. Go out with the girl. What happens happens. She will have no clue about your past or lack thereof unless you tell her. If you carry yourself with confidence no one would ever know you are t experienced
I sincerely hope you can adjust your perspective
P.o.T.u.S
Bluelighter
Don't put the pussy on a pedestal
sex is important in a relationship but it's the sexualized media that makes u think it's so important in life
I've been celibate for a year now and I'm happy as can be, u just need to accept the past and move on
even if your inexperienced in sex and have performance anxiety most girls will understand and Be patient..u make woman sound like some King on a mountain,their just people like men..
if u want a girl u gotta go out and get her.treat her like a lady and be a gentlman.show her u can keep her safe and keep her grounded when she gets nervous..give her the love and security that she needs and she will stick with u..u focus on the physical when most woman are more emotional..
sex is important in a relationship but it's the sexualized media that makes u think it's so important in life
I've been celibate for a year now and I'm happy as can be, u just need to accept the past and move on
even if your inexperienced in sex and have performance anxiety most girls will understand and Be patient..u make woman sound like some King on a mountain,their just people like men..
if u want a girl u gotta go out and get her.treat her like a lady and be a gentlman.show her u can keep her safe and keep her grounded when she gets nervous..give her the love and security that she needs and she will stick with u..u focus on the physical when most woman are more emotional..
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Yeh seriously. Can't live with them, can't live without them. For all the pleasure they bring to one head they also bring a lot of pain to the other haha :D Well hopefully not pain, but women can be irrational at the best of times. Also, sex is not the highest thing in life.. you'll be a bit disappointed if you hold that view. Sex feels nice and is nice to share with someone, but it's not the top of life. And for all the effort you put in to getting and keeping sex on tap, it doesn't last nearly as long as the effort applied to get there.. unless you pay for it.
A close friend of mine has done all sorts. I'm male she's female. But I don't envy her. She's very sexually driven and it seems clear to me to cause way more confusion and suffering for her than I think she realizes sometimes. She also told me, having done the stuff she's done, that she kind of regrets it in the sense that it has raised the bar too high now.. can't do much more than she's done.
You sound sexually frustrated, but you're making sex out to be some pinnacle of human existence. It's really not. Sex is nature fucking with you.. to get you to make babies. That's all it is.
We are different. For me it is the greatest thing in life. I want nothing more then taste and satisfy as many women as possible. I dont want relationship and just one women now. Women are most beautiful creatures on planet and their body is art, so i want taste as many as possible. Sounds strange, but this is my norm. We are different as i said.
And please dont tell me sex is overrated. Watch this movie i posted. Watch Nymphomaniac and many other erotic (not even porn) movies. How beautiful the bodies are, how much people enjoy it. those stories happen every day out there. Beautiful people we see on street enjoy sex every day like this. You are trying to put things down, because you dont realize how lucky you are to have it.
How can i be equal to this 17 year old girl who is capable of threesomes at 17??? I am not capable of sex at 29. She won compare to me. I now many people on fetlife who have life like this, also bdsm and stuff. This is people who enjoy life. I am not on their level, because they have sex since youth. I can never catch them. I can't give to the women the macho guy, who can fuck her like good dom and animal sex like most of normal women want.
And please dont tell me sex is overrated. Watch this movie i posted. Watch Nymphomaniac and many other erotic (not even porn) movies. How beautiful the bodies are, how much people enjoy it. those stories happen every day out there. Beautiful people we see on street enjoy sex every day like this. You are trying to put things down, because you dont realize how lucky you are to have it.
How can i be equal to this 17 year old girl who is capable of threesomes at 17??? I am not capable of sex at 29. She won compare to me. I now many people on fetlife who have life like this, also bdsm and stuff. This is people who enjoy life. I am not on their level, because they have sex since youth. I can never catch them. I can't give to the women the macho guy, who can fuck her like good dom and animal sex like most of normal women want.
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