Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2008
- Messages
- 94,868
I am in LA; never plan on going to CO
You in CO or something captain?
heya guys. just found this thread. going on blue light and reading about drugs and use is a guilty pleasure of mine in my sobriety, and I am psyched to have found this! I constantly have justified my reading on here by blaming it on the fact you guys are all so chill 8)
this is my first time getting sober. I am 21 and in a sober living in Utah. I've been thinking a bit about how I could probably drink like a gentleman or moderately. or just smoke pot. Or just get a casual gabapentin prescription >.< but then on the other hand if I really need to drink or smoke pot, I'm definitely a drug addict. I'm not thinking about going back out. I have a solid recovery, I worked the steps, I have sober friends, I have hobbies I love. It is just the ''alcoholic'' mind playing with me, I think. I know without a doubt I am an alcoholic and drug addict. But part of me wants to test the waters. if I had 93 days in rehab and five months sober after that ahead of me instead of behind me, I would definitely give it a go.
Do any of you share reservations like me? having gotten sober before realizing that you actually had an addiction, like, explicitly? I really did not know that I had an addiction. my use was very extreme and sporadic, i.e. 120 1 mg etizolam in two days, 3-4 days just taking my lyrica and ambien at high doses. (edit: of course this is addict behavior, I think. but honestly the thought never crossed my mind in a clear way. I was too concentrated on my own self pity I think.)
I am leaps and bounds better than I was, as I realize now that I was depressed and my anxiety was through the roof. ive been sober since may of 16, and I still suffer from anxiety that I think Is worse than average, but I think I can deal with it better than average! what can I say, I'm unique? just kidding. though it is extremely difficult for me to realize that others around me could share a similar experience to the one that I have. one of my defects I suppose is comparing my insides to others outsides! also being super entitled and also a jealous dickhead. congrats on having found this fourm. I'm guessing, it is not for no reason. and my guess is better than most!
heya guys. just found this thread. going on blue light and reading about drugs and use is a guilty pleasure of mine in my sobriety, and I am psyched to have found this! I constantly have justified my reading on here by blaming it on the fact you guys are all so chill 8)
this is my first time getting sober. I am 21 and in a sober living in Utah. I've been thinking a bit about how I could probably drink like a gentleman or moderately. or just smoke pot. Or just get a casual gabapentin prescription >.< but then on the other hand if I really need to drink or smoke pot, I'm definitely a drug addict. I'm not thinking about going back out. I have a solid recovery, I worked the steps, I have sober friends, I have hobbies I love. It is just the ''alcoholic'' mind playing with me, I think. I know without a doubt I am an alcoholic and drug addict. But part of me wants to test the waters. if I had 93 days in rehab and five months sober after that ahead of me instead of behind me, I would definitely give it a go.
Do any of you share reservations like me? having gotten sober before realizing that you actually had an addiction, like, explicitly? I really did not know that I had an addiction. my use was very extreme and sporadic, i.e. 120 1 mg etizolam in two days, 3-4 days just taking my lyrica and ambien at high doses. (edit: of course this is addict behavior, I think. but honestly the thought never crossed my mind in a clear way. I was too concentrated on my own self pity I think.)
I am leaps and bounds better than I was, as I realize now that I was depressed and my anxiety was through the roof. ive been sober since may of 16, and I still suffer from anxiety that I think Is worse than average, but I think I can deal with it better than average! what can I say, I'm unique? just kidding. though it is extremely difficult for me to realize that others around me could share a similar experience to the one that I have. one of my defects I suppose is comparing my insides to others outsides! also being super entitled and also a jealous dickhead. congrats on having found this fourm. I'm guessing, it is not for no reason. and my guess is better than most!