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You're not the girl I fell in love with anymore..

BA

BA

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Mar 18, 2001
Messages
20,160
Location
614, OHIO
I know deep down you love me, and I love you
but you have a weird way of showing it.
I wish I could turn the calendar back 15 months, to a time when things were new
where days flew by, and nothing could seperate us.
You've lost that twinkle, that I used to see each and every time we made eye contact
and I keep on wondering if it's my fault?
I remember a time when I used to speed home from work, just to call you..
I used to be so excited...
But things have changed since we moved in together,
and that puppy love is now a thing of the past.
Things have become so mundane and routine, to the point where I cant take it anymore.
I hate coming home from work now, because I know the bitterness that awaits,
or coming home from class at night only to be asked why I'm 10 minutes late.
You never used to be like that..
And I dont even want to sleep with you anymore,
I feel like I'm cheating myself when I do so.
Theres no love there, its just sex, for the sake of sex
Its just a quick escape from the real problem.
I regret not putting my foot down sooner in this roller coaster relationship
instead I compromised everything I thought true for the sake of staying together.
I only fooled myself, and now the joke is on me.
I know you're not my future wife like you insist on believing
you're not even my future girlfriend in my book.
Breaking the news to you is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done,
and I really dont want to hurt you,
because I really DO love you,
but I've changed so much since I met you,
and I'm not half the man I used to be.
Someday I'm not going to be there for you to gripe to,
it's only then will you find yourself alone.
I cant wait for the day when I gather up the guts to pack my stuff and leave,
and to tell you what I really feel about the way things have gone
the way things have gone downhill.
You used to be so much fun to be around, now I wish I never wouldve met you.
[ 12 January 2003: Message edited by: BlueAdonis ]
 
i have to state though, i put myself in your shoes, completely get what you are saying, although i am the girl..... and that boy, that boy isn't the boy i fell in love with.
but there's no blame placed anywhere.
she didn't change. you didn't change.
things change.
we grow comfortable.
but maybe, just maybe
she did change. and you did change.
things change.
still no place to place blame.
and maybe, just maybe
nothing has changed.
but yet, things around us continue to change.
still no room to place blame.
stuff happens.
and be glad that it did.
because it's only then, that you can look at something and be glad that it did.
chin up, dawg.
 
The earlier you can realize this in a relationship, and do something about it, the less pain its going to cause both of you in the end. There's always one person that keeps holding on to it, with the hope that things will get better, but i think you know you've gotten to that point where things... just cant. Everyone loves the "newness" of a relationship. But the person you're supposed to be with is the one who makes you feel that newness every goddamn day, even years from now. Sometimes i feel sorry for my parents... they have been together for 20-some years, and they have no reason not to stay together, and i'm sure they both feel they are too old to start all over, but yet when i look at them, my mom won't even give my dad the time of day, and she's not all that nice to him, and i know how that feels.... i was always that one in the relationship who tried to hold on, and keep things great... even after there was nothing left. Me and my ex-fiance, we knew things were bad a year before we finally broke up... and even then things weren't final. I never got any closure from it, and he could just never put a REAL end to it... there was always this promise of coming back for me... that's the saddest part. I could have handled the truth, about all those other girls; i could have handled the real reason he couldn't look me in the eye, or be in a room with me for longer than a minute, or hold a real conversation with me... i could have handled "this is over," not standing on my porch with tears in both our eyes and him saying "we'll work things out, i just need a little time to figure things out." if you cant be honest with the person you claim to love, then you haven't got ANYTHING worth saving.
As hard as this seems, there is no way she can be as close to you as she is, and NOT see this coming. So you are only postponing the inevitable, and inadvertantly saying that everything she is doing to you is... OK. its not. you deserve better. you deserve someone who will rush home everyday to call YOU, and make you breakfast in bed, and send YOU flowers, and lay up in bed all night talking to you, and making you feel like all the things that really SUCK in your life, are still worth getting up for, it only for those couple minutes where she grabs your hand, and smiles at you. And you don't deserve ANYTHING less.
 
Nice work, BA.
I agree with E-Girl. I know your situation is difficult, but see if you can't find a way out of it. See if there isn't a way SOMEONE could take your place in your apt, or a way you could work things out with the landlord, or what. You shouldn't have to continue for months like this. You will both be happier the sooner this is over.
 
Thank you E-girl, and everyone else. Very inspiring thoughts, indeed.
Only time will tell, I suppose.
 
Originally posted by E-girl:
[QB you deserve better. you deserve someone who will rush home everyday to call YOU, and make you breakfast in bed, and send YOU flowers, and lay up in bed all night talking to you, and making you feel like all the things that really SUCK in your life, are still worth getting up for, it only for those couple minutes where she grabs your hand, and smiles at you. And you don't deserve ANYTHING less.[/QB]
I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end, it doesn' t really matter...
check your e-mail this evening...
Click to expand...
 
listen to e-girl, and everyone else. You are the one who knows what will make you truly happy, and if you haven't seen that in her by now, you probably won't ever.
Be true to yourself, as you have been with all of us and make yourself happy :)
you know what you deserve...get it :)
 
That was excellent, and the reason why is because it's real - it's not just words on a page, it's thoughts from the heart.
I've been in your place, I know how you're feeling. I hope things work out.
- Kelle
 
like nephil said.. be true to yourself
at least you found out now, rather than later.
 
i was in probly a v. similar situ. with my ol' gf of 2.1/2yrs, every f$$kin day of the last 8/10mths of it i wanted to just get out but couldnt find the balls,unreal how it feels like betraying uself by not sayin how u feel(if i heard someone say that without having experienced it myself id say foool),a song that summed it up for me(even tho hes a wankstain)was that craig david song that was out @ the time "im walkin away" it spoke to me,iukwim. bob did the trick 2"it aint me u're lookin for babe" good luck blue
 
Thanks everyone! (sorry for the bump)
Its just a sucky situation to be in; bound by a stupid lease. :( I have 8 months left, too! I cant afford to live on my own right now, so splitting the bills 50/50 is ideal.
I have things lined up for the future, and a potential place to live once I rid myself of this equation. Thanks again for everyones advice! :)
 
I feel for you, but I hope that this doesn't mean that your plan is to stay in the relationship for the next 8 months for financial reasons without letting your girlfriend know of these feelings. I know you're a better man than that!
 
(((BA)))
Best of luck honey, that's a bad situation to be in. I hope whichever way the cards fall, that it works out for you.
 
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