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"you're going to get bored of me"

SONN

SONN

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 24, 2011
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My girlfriend and I have been dating for like 7 or 8 months I think now. for maybe a month or two she has been complaining that I'm going to get "bored" of her or some girl that is somehow more compatible with me will come along and I'll ditch my gf for her. Not only do I think this is untrue, especially the part about someone more compatible coming along.

I tell her how beautiful she is every time I see her and I keep telling her I'm not going to get bored of her but she keeps telling me I will.

She has anxiety problems so she's always being her biggest critic and worrying herself about things, what should I do to convince her she's the one for me.
 
Try talking to her about why she feels this way. Sounds like she might have had a boyfriend in the past who broke her heart and she's scared it will happen again. You say she suffers with anxiety so I can see that adding to feelings of insecurity. I don't know how you can set her mind at ease because even constant reassurance doesn't always help people with low self-esteem. This is a tough one because it's stuff beyond your control. Couples therapy comes to mind, but I don't know how serious you too are. Does she talk to a professional about her anxiety?
 
I think T. Calderone's advice is good. In the end though, there's only so much you can do or say - if she suffers from low self-esteem to that extent, unfortunately no one can really help her but herself. I'd encourage her to get into activities that'll make her more confident, even if that doesn't seem directly related to your relationship. It might also definitely help her to speak to a professional, as a way to get all her anxiety off her chest. If she has an outlet for it it might really help.
 
thanks guys, I think she mainly feels that way because she's just graduated from high school and is struggling to start college, while I am a junior in college. She has a history of benzo addiction too while I'm mainly a psychedelics user/ marijuana aficionado. Psychedelics caused her to get panic attacks when she smokes weed :(

she doesn't have a psychiatrist she doesn't really have anyone to pay for it or even drive her to the appts

so i'm her therapist <3
 
She might be saying things to push you away. Could it be she's projecting onto you and is hesitant to end the relationship?
 
If she has anxiety problems, why is she using psychedelics? Psychedelics made my anxiety problems exponentially worse.

If she's in college now? Aren't there doctors there? Anyone she can talk to? As much as it's awesome that she can open up to you, you can't/shouldn't be her only person to talk to. Therapy could make a huge difference in her life.
 
If she's in college, as you say, there is going to be a campus clinic, and she's likely already paying the dues with her tuition. She can see them. Not that she'll get good meds or anything(she won't), but it sounds like she needs to talk to someone, and I do recall that some of them are rather good at providing mental health services.

As for how to boost her self-esteem, I don't know. I would get a little tired of someone always being down on themselves. Not saying that's the case, but it would get old.

Perhaps she can take some martial arts classes and learn ass-whoopery? It's good for self-confidence.
 
basically psychedelics(and probably moreso abuse of empathogens like MDMA) are what caused her anxiety problems in the first place which caused her to get so into benzos.

she's not in school yet, i'm going to encourage her to get a therapist.

she claims she doesn't wanna end the relationship every time I accuse her of that.

^it is the case and it is getting old but I care enough to love her for her imperfections and work on them. which is why I'm here..

ill bring up martial arts lol she used to be a gymnast/cheerleader and the most excersize she gets is "tumbling" or doing backhandsprings and flips and stuff haha

I really hope she isn't trying to end the relationship but thats what it feels like after reading this thread :( (but that could be my own insecurities coming about)
 
have you watched the movie 'shame' (2011)?

the reason i ask is because you quoted a part of the dialogue almost word for word, and i think if you engross yourself in this piece of cinema's wealth of knowledge, it could give you something in return
 
I think you should give her a chance, ignore those things and keep doing everything to help her made her life easier, make her happy and time will show what was that about: was she "tested" you or really mean that
 
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