• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: M!$TER-ED

Youre either the girl hes screwing or the one he's bringing home to mom...

StAy HiGh

StAy HiGh

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 2, 2004
Messages
196
Location
Dark side of the moon
... or maybe not?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. When we are together everything is amazing, he is very affectionate and caring boyfriend but I can't help but to feel that something is missing. He seems like the perfect catch, has many qualities I desire and my family really likes him. He deeply cares about me, and opens up to me, but he doesnt yet love me. I am very happy when I am with him, but unfortunatly thats not much. He works a 9 to 5 and does some work on the side, I am very supportive and try to work around his schedule but it seems its always around HIS schedule. Although he lives only 5 mins away, we only see eachother once or twice a week! Hes the first to admit hes anal and loves having a consistent schedule, bedtime, wake up time, etc. but I cant help but to feel im being penciled in. On top of that, hes 26 and still lives at home in traditional european fashion 8( which makes private time rare. We still have sex when we're at his house (not as enjoyable) but idk about you men out there but what guy can be ok with getting it in only once a week or so when its available to you right down the road lol. Sometimes, out of our tiny amount of together time, we spend it with his family. He doesnt drink or use drugs but the past few weekends hes gone out with the boys and made plans w them before me. So be honest: Am I just the sweet girl he can take home to mom? Or is he just anal with his schedule, or too self centered to compromise?

btw I told him I want to see him more and he gets defensive and says hes trying his best to make time for everything and has enough stress. The response makes me feel like I am not a top priority. If hes not willing to satisfy my needs I have no choice but to leave :-( I feel if he truly cared hed always make the time for us, even just an additional day a week, or sacrificing a bit of sleep or gym time to see me. not to mention im dieing to light a fire under his ass to get him to move out of mommys house so we can fuck in peace! ok rant done. opinions appreciated :) thanks
 
I have buddys that appear like this to their gfs... in reality they're fucking other chicks when they're supposedly doing something else. just saying...
 
LOL I appreciate the thread title, OP. :D He could be a creature of habit, or he might be losing interest (kinda sounds like you are too?). It sounds kinda strange that you guys are 5 minutes away but he's always busy and would rather go out with friends instead of you. I'd prepare for a breakup, but it sounds like you're over him already, so go out with friends and enjoy yourself. :) There's someone out there who would like to spend time with you, so don't drive yourself crazy with someone who is not that interested.
 
namctx said:
I have buddys that appear like this to their gfs... in reality they're fucking other chicks when they're supposedly doing something else. just saying...
Click to expand...


That's what I was thinking.
 
his response makes you feel like you are not a top priority? Oh wow, really?! Girl, as much as we would all love to have someone totally revolve around us and put us above all else, very few people ever will have that. You are both young and seeing him a couple times a week is more than likely more than ANY other friend etc. Girls... never enough aye. Give an inch and they will take a mile.

If you want someone you can cling onto every waking moment, find some loser drug addict that has no job and he'll be more than happy to spend every waking minute with you.. as long as theres drugs. :\ Seriously.. the people with good qualities that are boyfriend material dont usually have the time to fuck you every night. Besides, most relationships move way to fast and go from 'lets see each other once a week' to 'YOU HAVNT TEXT ME IN 45 MINUTES WTF?!?!!??!?!!??!' a bit too quickly. Be grateful you have a caring boyfriend that you like, instead of some loser or even no one at all.
 
Every man needs his space. No guy likes to be wrapped completely around a girls finger. You just have to realize that naturally guys aren't as emotional and as deep as girls are (usually). He works a 9-5, and has a girlfriend. Time out with the guys is crucial for him to keep a stable head on his shoulders. He sounds like a good guy to me.

Plus, when a guy spends to much time with his girlfriend, shit goes bad... so maybe he's just looking out for your guys relationship by not being with you 24/7, maybe he knows what will happen if he sees you too much. If you guys are with each other 24/7 you will burn out your relationship so fast, and the breakup will be so much harder on both of you, and a breakup is what it would inevitably come down to.
 
StAy HiGh said:
still lives at home in traditional european fashion
Click to expand...

that says a lot to me, having come from a similar environment. in europe, men don't chase women. women chase men, and they are expected to do so just like the man is expected to be busting his ass for the future of his family that will be. if he's not even trying to make time for you then it's likely he just sees you as a temporary girl to keep up appearances until his life speeds up and he finds the woman he's gonna marry. if you can deal with the current situation that woman will probably be you, or you can bail on the relationship and he'll chalk it up as "can't be helped" and move onto the next girl until he finds one who is willing to revolve around his schedule, traditional euro style.
 
Thank you guys! Don't mistake wanting to spend more then one or two nights a week together for clingyness... by no means do I want to be together every day, I have my own life and schedule too. I just want more of his time. I'm pretty lonely. once a week = 4x a month, fk that. I agree w those who said many guys have this situation but theyre out seeing other girls. Hes always telling me how much he cares and seems to have good morals so although you can never say never, I think its more about him being ocd anal about his schedule. maybe not, but who knows. When he goes out w the guys he calls and tells me all about the night etc but then again who knowss. He has to be in bed by a certain time, has to wake up at a certain time, work then gym, relax and repeat, and is unwilling to break routine. honestly, his mother may be the "other woman" in a non-incenscual way lmao theyre soo touchy feely, live together, and sickeningly close. she still cooks and cleans for him too, and as a single mom she focuses all her affection on him. i guess he doesnt feel as lonely constantly surrounded by super close famiglia but its not the same as the intimacy and closeness u should feel to ur romantic partner, regardless.

ThuJone- I agree completely I have been brought up the same way. The man chases the girl, thats the way its always been. This is one of the biggest things that bugs me, i feel if he truly adored me hed go out of his way to spend as much time as he could with me. He always brings me to family functions, introduces me to all his friends, makes it seem like he wants me to be a part of his family, which is really sweet. You summed it up great, I'd have no problem working around his sched "traditional euro schedule" but he has to meet me half way.

Lysis I am glad you liked the title :-) good advice to go out w friends and have fun if hes just not that interested! only problem is I cannot tell if its disinterest or ocd schedule nazism. Bc I feel like im starting to honestly fall in love w him (which has only happened one before) but Id rather back out w my heart in one piece than risk giving it to someone who possiblyy wont give his in return.
 
StAy HiGh said:
Thank you guys! Don't mistake wanting to spend more then one or two nights a week together for clingyness... by no means do I want to be together every day, I have my own life and schedule too. I just want more of his time. I'm pretty lonely. once a week = 4x a month, fk that.
Click to expand...


Hell yeah! fuck that and the 'euro cultural norm' . Even if he does live by a daily agenda he could at least fill a time slot in for you. And so what if girls have needs. we're needy people . I need sex/care more than once a week to be productive and sane. As far as his needs are concerned it seems like he is already receiving enough affection at home. Competing with someone's mother sounds like a bitch. What else does he really need from you other than being his trophy girlfriend and occasional cum dumpster. I think you deserve a guy that revolves his schedule around you and leaves you feeling that your'e worthy in his life
 
once a week is fuck buddy territory- usually that's how often i shag a favourite fuck buddy.

5 years- going nowhere...
 
StAy HiGh said:
The response makes me feel like I am not a top priority.
Click to expand...

I think you've answered your own question here. You're fairly far down on his priority list. I don't think it'll change, so it's probably best to walk away.
 
I think I need to move to Europe.

I've made these same claims he's making (almost all of them) many times. Sometimes it was when I just didn't want to be around said girl, other times it was because I was cheating, or I just didn't want to be with her anymore but still enjoyed fucking her when I wasn't fucking somebody else (fuck buddy).

Hit the road like you're mad at it.
 
StAy HiGh said:
Id rather back out w my heart in one piece than risk giving it to someone who possiblyy wont give his in return.
Click to expand...

Right on. As a wise man once said: be selfish in love (it's your heart on the line, after all).
 
I prefer it when a guy makes me revolve around him beecause it makes me value him more and have stronger feelings for him. If he makes his life revolve around me like he's more interested it gets boring. It's a toss-up and depends you are. But he needs to be available close to as much as I want to see him, or nearly every day.
 
Ohh feels so great to know there are people who understand! :) !

carlenacel, yeah I agree with you that its a total bitch to compete w a guys over bearing mother and that he feels hes recieving enough affection at home. Ive seen close mom-son bonds but none of them come anywhere near to being as close as these two. It almost seems like flirting between them in a very sick oedipus fashion. Shit, maybe i am just a "trophy girlfriend" as u put it! :( he seems like he has a big heart, Id like to think he wouldnt take me on that emotional rollercoaster. His friends have all told me privately that hes super picky and its rare they ever saw him w anyone. He doesnt keep girls around (or at least not in the past) for appearances.

It seems like most guys who responded on this post think the issue is another woman; my post title come to life. he texts me during the day, always answers when I call, doesnt have a place to bring girls home to and isnt a partier so idn if hes cheating (though I could be dead wrong) but idn. Something is missing. I cant put my finger on it, but something is not there. I know he cares a good amount about me but I know hes not head over heels in love with me. If he was, hed make all the time in the world for me and id be top priority. maybe he just needs more time . idk i feel like when a guys crazy about a girl he wants to be with her as much as possible, not when its convienant for him.

I talked to him about it, told him I want more of his time, and he said hes going to try. He bought me flowers since he knew I was upset and when we went to his house I saw he gave his mom the other half of my flowers. So i guess we'll see if things pickup or die out. If he cares as much as claimed he'll make more time. If not then I guess hes not the one :,( I just wish ppl woud be 1000% honest up front im afraid to be hurt again. thank u everyone for ur feedback
 
I think the OP's boyfriend is smart, most girls want what they cant have so by keeping them at a distance (even if you want them at your side) and acting like you are not dependent on them will make most girls more attracted to you.

I agree I get suffocated in most relationships and have to make up excuses to take a break for "me" time to sit around and relax after work. If you let a girl spend too much time with you she will try to control you and that never works. It seems the only way to keep things at a healthy balance is for you each to have your own space.

Don't take it personally, if you are the one for him he will eventually find it harder and harder to resist you till he breaks and wants to see you more but if not he may push you away further.
 
So he's building a career and you are.....doing what exactly?

A man's career is largely how society (read: women) judges him, why should he risk his career's progression for you, lost time cannot easily be made up. What are you risking by spending time with him?

On top of that, hes 26 and still lives at home in traditional european fashion
Click to expand...

..and for women living at home at 26 is a a global woman thing, and it is never judged as anything negative.
 
^^ I work and go to school full time. I am pleanty busy but I find the time. Not asking him to call out of work lol just asking to spend a few hours a few times a week together. As mentioned, wanting to spend more than once a week together hardly counts as suffocation when youre in a relationship. Statistics actually prove that woman move out the house sooner than men in most 1st world countires, so Id have to disagree with you
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top