I don't know if I've hit rock bottom so to speak. I've had some wake up calls, and I realize that I'm walking a line that could potentially lead down some very dark roads, however I've been through some very excessive drug use periods and I've had some very sobering realizations that have kept me from completely destroying myself.
I used to steal pills from peoples medicine cabinets and I always feel guilty when I think back about it. I've never stole large amounts of anything for my drug habits, but I have accumulated some debts that are a direct result of spending money on drugs that I shouldn't have.
My worst period was after a bad break up when I lived on dexedrine and alcohol for a period of about nine months or so, I lost a ton of weight, money, slept through my birthday and christmas because I didn't plan my speed/drinking binges very well. My friends and family all thought I was on coke and heroin or something, I was open about my drinking too much but not about the dexedrine abuse. In hindsight this is where I began to rely on benzos more than I had previously for the comedowns.
After this period I cleaned myself up for awhile, went on wellbutrin, quit drinking, but made a bad mistake when I got involved with my ex again, and inevitably broke up with her again. Enter daily opiate and benzo habit.
I had a seizure from benzo withdrawals about six months ago while I was driving and I totaled my car and another persons car and I can't even remember the accident, I just remember feeling an anxiety attack coming on then nothing. When I came to there was an ambulance pulling up and a crowd of people gathered around. I noticed both of my airbags had deployed and I immediately got out of the car and saw that the whole front end of my car was destroyed. The cops said if it hadn't been for my seatbelt and the air bags I'd be dead. Fortunately my injuries were minimal, some broken bones, and the other person only had some bruises.
This accident really made me re think everything, even though I wasn't on any kind of binge or even on anything at the time (if I hadn't ran out of my xanax early I'd have been fine, I'd called my doctor to refill the script early and he did, unfortunately there was a mixup at the pharmacy and it took them three days to fill my script, even though my doctor had faxed them the rx three days in a row, the pharmacy denied getting the fax, finally after the third day the doctor personally called the pharmacy and it was filled. I was on my way to pick up my refill when the accident happened, but I hadn't had my xanax for three days and I'd been on it daily for years.)
I had quit drinking and weed and prescription amphetamine before this incident and was actually starting to come out of a really dark time for me.
Unfortunately, all the opiates that I got prescribed from the accident got me back to relying on opiates daily again. I had been using them before the accident (pods mostly) but with all the prescriptions (morphine, oxy, vicodin) I upped my daily dosages quite a bit, even after I didn't need them.
I now have a new found appreciation for life, and I'm very careful to take my klonopin exactly as prescribed, and while I'm still using opiates daily I have significantly reduced my daily intake.
So I haven't really hit rock bottom yet, I just realize how easily everything can spiral out of control, and I can now see the patterns of addiction that caught hold of me that I couldn't see before. I'm seeing a psychiatrist and I'm trying to handle my problems more responsibly. I'm not as depressed as I used to be but I still struggle with it, and I try not to rely on chemicals to hide from my problems, my daily doses pretty much just keep me level. Work has been going good and I feel very fortunate. I've realized that I have an extremely addictive personality that can ruin me if I'm not constantly on guard. All I can really say is that I'm doing better than I was and I'm trying to move forward and not have to rely on pills everyday.
Sorry this is so long, I didn't intend for it to be, but it was therapeutic for me to write it all out.
, Traded my parents ride around lawn mower for 4 80's, and did alot of other disgusting things. Never have been anywhere near that bad again, and hopefully I never will be. I'm sure there's some of you who have done similar things. Anyone do this kind of thing for something besides opiates and crack/coke?
o - not my proudest moments) and I went psychotic, ended up in hospital, they told my parents I wouldn't come out of it and to pack my room up because I would likely be in a psychiatric hospital for the rest of my life.