You

[ShelleBear]

You
I hate myself.
Im no good.......Im weak. I cant conrol my own mind.
And I blame you. You introduced this demon into my life. Now Im fighting the biggest fight of my life.
How could you. You knew what it was like. Now Im stuck with a battle I will forever have to endure the rest of my goddamn life. If I had only told you "no". If I didnt love you in a sick way to make me say "yes". Just so I could possible experience those feelings I so long for. I trusted you. And now what do I have. A forever demon on my shoulder. You dont care. I know this. And still here I am. Why? Love. What the fuck is love but an illusion. All love eventually ends. True love is a fairytale fed to us from childhood. There is no such thing as soulmate. Or lovers forever. Fuck that. Maybe its time I said fuck you and started putting me first. Because of you Im feeling what Im feeling right now. Because of you. If it wasnt for you, I would never have allowed that demon into my life.
Im sitting here, experience weakness overcome me. And hating myself for not being able to fight my demon.
Fuck you. I will win. I will prevail. And once I prevail, what will you have to hang over my head then.

 

[liquidocean]

Girl, i feel you. I've gone through the same feelings, with a little less fire. Do yourself a favor and re-center yourself. Discard any unstable people in your life, focus on what you want and what you love. Be responsible for your feelings. Don't be a victim. Release any feelings of hurt, pain, bitterness, or regret. Now is now. Heal and heal and heal and heal and heal and move on.
All will fall into line, just find your special space and breathe, be, and feel from your center outwards. Clear your energies and detach yourself from drama...........
2 millimeters between heaven and hell sometimes, put yourself on the favorable side of the line..............
------------------
the power of the sacred, the lotus, the receptive, the eternal
the 'flip' from a burning bright light into a cavern of infinite darkness
the letting go of a thousand emotions
the setting of the sun, forever
the release of all hurt, all anger, all pain, all regret, all disappointments, all missed opportunities, all things that never went 'right'
like candles floating on leaves towards the compassionate horizon.....
you heal and are healed
there is no victim, no attacker
nothing but the light of love
and all you had to do was open yourself to the light......
i love you forever
may all beings rest in peace
may all flowers bloom at their own pace
may all storms die after expressing themselves
may you throw yourself into the fire serenely, knowing that all is said and done
may you die and be reborn
in a better place
closer to your deepest love
may it reveal itself to you
may all things come when they will
and leave when they must
forever is forever
and now is now
may you be at peace
may your love grow from within you
and find its natural fate............

 

[tm1nor]

that was really great. it really hit me hard and i feel like i can relate now. thanks for sharing.