faithfully dangerous
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2002
- Messages
- 11,225
You couldn't see the stars that night. Even if you stared straight up until your eyes grew weary, you couldn't. You could hardly see the moon. The only sign of life was our frozen breath hanging in the air, and even that seemed dead to me.
We'd just decided to step outside for a smoke. I'd say it was about two or three in the morning, but no one kept time after the sun set, especially during the winter. When the wind would grow tired, we'd blow O's and stare blankly at them as they dissipated into the mystery of the night. The smoke escaped from between his lips slowly, smoothly, without rhythm or melody.
I wanted to scream, right them, at the top of my lungs, that he was beautiful and wonderful and everything great- but I couldn't. Not with the moon listening from behind the clouds. Not tonight. Not now.
Neither of us spoke until we'd completely inhaled every last drop of nicotine the cigarette had to offer us. He waited until the shadow of smoke disappeared, then spoke.
"You know, you can't even see the stars tonight."
"I noticed. It's cold."
"Yup."
Those few words held as a mutual agreement to smoke another one. He pulled out two more cigarettes, and I watched as he lit them both at the same time, exhaled, and finally handing me one of them. Silence, again. I forced myself to exhale loudly with a sigh, so I didn't feel so alone. Sure, I was standing right next to him, but I held not even a flame to his fire. I caught myself smiling just to reassure myself that I was, indeed, still alive and moving.
He didn't frighten me, although he should have. He had these huge, wondrous brown eyes, although I couldn't see them without the light of the stars. He was a almost a foot taller and a good fifty or so pounds heavier than me . His hands were so big, yet comforting. He reminded me of my father. I should have been intimidated, but I wasn't/
And then I saw it, out of the corner of my eye and through a cloud of smoke- the only star visible to the eye that night. It appeared instantly, floated across the sky for a moment, then fell into the comforting palms of the universe.
The moment it disappeared, I turned to him but did not say a word. All of his magnificence, all of his immaculacy, had been transferred for one transcending moment to that single star. I extinguished my cigarette in the snow beneath me and broke the silence.
"Did you see that?"
"See what?"
"That star."
"No, I told you, you can't see any stars tonight."
Frustrated he didn't witness what I had just seen, my face fell. He could tell I was disappointed.
"Was it beautiful?"
"Was what?"
"That star you were talking about... was it beautiful?"
He already knew the answer. I didn't answer him. Instead, I just pulled him close to me. I disregarded his huge, strong hands that were supposed to intimidate me and just looked into his eyes. Up close, I noticed I could see their beauty perfectly. Again, I wanted to scream as loud as I could just how perfect he seemed at that moment. I would have, too, but as soon as I closed my eyes and opened my mouth to do so, I felt warmth upon my lips.
As he pulled away, he whispered, "Shh. Don't say a word. I saw it, of course I did. You think I'd miss something like that? Sure, it was beautiful, I guess. But nothing could be as beautiful as this moment between you and I."
We'd just decided to step outside for a smoke. I'd say it was about two or three in the morning, but no one kept time after the sun set, especially during the winter. When the wind would grow tired, we'd blow O's and stare blankly at them as they dissipated into the mystery of the night. The smoke escaped from between his lips slowly, smoothly, without rhythm or melody.
I wanted to scream, right them, at the top of my lungs, that he was beautiful and wonderful and everything great- but I couldn't. Not with the moon listening from behind the clouds. Not tonight. Not now.
Neither of us spoke until we'd completely inhaled every last drop of nicotine the cigarette had to offer us. He waited until the shadow of smoke disappeared, then spoke.
"You know, you can't even see the stars tonight."
"I noticed. It's cold."
"Yup."
Those few words held as a mutual agreement to smoke another one. He pulled out two more cigarettes, and I watched as he lit them both at the same time, exhaled, and finally handing me one of them. Silence, again. I forced myself to exhale loudly with a sigh, so I didn't feel so alone. Sure, I was standing right next to him, but I held not even a flame to his fire. I caught myself smiling just to reassure myself that I was, indeed, still alive and moving.
He didn't frighten me, although he should have. He had these huge, wondrous brown eyes, although I couldn't see them without the light of the stars. He was a almost a foot taller and a good fifty or so pounds heavier than me . His hands were so big, yet comforting. He reminded me of my father. I should have been intimidated, but I wasn't/
And then I saw it, out of the corner of my eye and through a cloud of smoke- the only star visible to the eye that night. It appeared instantly, floated across the sky for a moment, then fell into the comforting palms of the universe.
The moment it disappeared, I turned to him but did not say a word. All of his magnificence, all of his immaculacy, had been transferred for one transcending moment to that single star. I extinguished my cigarette in the snow beneath me and broke the silence.
"Did you see that?"
"See what?"
"That star."
"No, I told you, you can't see any stars tonight."
Frustrated he didn't witness what I had just seen, my face fell. He could tell I was disappointed.
"Was it beautiful?"
"Was what?"
"That star you were talking about... was it beautiful?"
He already knew the answer. I didn't answer him. Instead, I just pulled him close to me. I disregarded his huge, strong hands that were supposed to intimidate me and just looked into his eyes. Up close, I noticed I could see their beauty perfectly. Again, I wanted to scream as loud as I could just how perfect he seemed at that moment. I would have, too, but as soon as I closed my eyes and opened my mouth to do so, I felt warmth upon my lips.
As he pulled away, he whispered, "Shh. Don't say a word. I saw it, of course I did. You think I'd miss something like that? Sure, it was beautiful, I guess. But nothing could be as beautiful as this moment between you and I."
