i hope someday, you come across this justin.
What else can i give you?
They tell me you cheated
They tell me you lied
You deny it.
I love you -- and so, hurt and heartbroken,
I believe you.
I trust you.
Once upon a time, you and i had a conversation. I told you there was a reason that i turned you down, time after time.
They told me how you were...
And i didn't believe people could change.
You proved me wrong...
for awhile.
I let myself love you. I gave you a chance.
You broke my heart.
You say you love me, yet you watched me go through this pain, over and over.
If you would have admitted to it, ANY OF IT,
I would have loved you so much more.
All i wanted to hear was "i'm sorry"
I loved you so much, that i could have forgiven you.
For one girl, for 2 girls, for 10 girls.
I dont care that everyone thinks i'm stupid.
That's what love is...
You recognize that everyone makes mistakes, and you let them fix them.
I gave you that chance...
you never took it.
I spent months wondering...
Trying so hard to trust you
But inside, i was so scared
i was so hurt
and in my heart, i knew something was wrong.
so we had some fights... so what, who doesnt?
you need some time apart...
to figure things out.
i'm sorry i was afriad to give you that.
i was afraid to lose you.
but it looks like i already have.
i would have done WHATEVER IT TAKES
to get back what we had
to make things better
to fix whatever it is i did
2 weeks... 2 weeks you have put me through emotional hell.
I DONT WANT TO LIVE
that's how you make me feel
you know it too... you know it with every mean word you say.
These 2 weeks have been a fucking joke.
Tonight proved that.
I slept alone again tonight,
Wishing you were here.
A few hours ago,
i wrote a poem called "I Pretend"
it was a fantasy about you...
about having you here tonight,
to hold. to have.
i didn't cry tonight when i went to bed.
i figured you have your reasons for being wherever you are.
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LIE.
2:30 this morning. my phone rings.
my hopes were that it was you.
i wanted so desperately to hear your voice.
you know what i was going to tell you tonight?
i was going to tell you that i love you. nothing more. i wasn't going to bitch and cry that you weren't here. i was just going to tell you that i love you.
but it wasn't you. it was ryan.
tonight, you broke my heart.
I hope that she is worth it. i hope that she is worth losing ME... losing ryan. from your life. i hope its worth losing your gram's trust... i hope its worth losing your home, and i'm sure you'll soon quit school and your job.. and where will you go? to her?
i hope she can make you happy.
i watched what her and ryan went through. and you know what? they BOTH Fucked up. and they both know it.
but me and you?
no one in this world would have put up with what i did. and last night, on my front porch, you blamed this whole thing on me. all those months that I wasn't there???? who are you kidding. it was you, all along. all lies.
crystal.... 16 years old. you told her you loved her. i dont even know what you did with her. but you were with her. you went all those Fridays to see HER.
brandy... her best friend. that was all true.
KRISTA... this hurts the most. the part about the car... was true. i didnt know until tonight about your house in nanticoke. IN NANTICOKE FOR GODS SAKES!! that was such a great time for us! how was i so naive?
ALICIA... you even fucked over brad. cuz she was still with him.
CANDY... your best friend jarrod... remember him? donny? they all knew... they all told me.
JENN... HOW COULD YOU. HOW COULD BOTH OF YOU DO THAT TO ME AND RYAN. HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO CHRISTIAN.. .the person you want to move in with who loves her more than anything in the world? how could you sit there and lie to me, and your gram. how could you
You're with her right now. And tonight, I went through something that hurt worse than all the pain you've ever put me through... combined, times a thousand. tonight, i smashed everything in my room. all our pictures, everything. i piled everything of yours in the living room. i punched walls, i threw things. i yelled.
i did 110 on the interstate, and couldnt even see through my tears. i drove 2 hours out of my way to see the one person in this world i hate more than anything... JOHN.
YOU FUCKED OVER YOUR BEST FRIEND. he's the only person in this world who would never admit any of those things to me... he would protect you until the day you die... until you did what you did. and the truth came out. 8 months worth of lies... i found them out tonight.
and you are with her.
YOU ARE WITH HER.
is she worth it? when you come home, will you lie to me again? tell me none of it was true...
you know what... in my heart, i knew it. she's the ONLY one i had NO PROOF OF.. and she's the only one that i knew in my heart FOR SURE.
i want to say i hate you. i want to say that when you come home, you will find all your stuff on the porch, and i never want to see you again.
but i cant say anything. i cant talk... i have no voice from yelling. i cant see... my eyes are fire red from crying. i cant move... my legs are weak from shaking. i cant even breathe...
i am in shock. i have never loved anyone like i loved you.... and no one has ever shown me pain like you. no one in all my life. not even lee. EVEN LEE AT ONE POINT STOPPED LYING... AND APOLOGIZED. why cant you.
what will you do. what will you say when you come home. will you come home? what will i say? i think i will look at you blindly, and no words will come. none.
do i hate you? no. i love you. do i hate what you did to me? I HOPE SOMEDAY SOMEONE MAKES YOU FEEL THIS WAY, FOR JUST A SECOND. so you will know what i went through tonight.
tonight, i lost a part of me. a big part. i dont know how to fix it... i dont know where to start. i dont know how to start a day without you. i dont have any of the answers.
i wish i knew what was in your heart.
i wish i knew if you feel sorry, for any of it.
i wonder if you will ever regret it.
i wonder if you will miss me.
Tonight, you broke my heart.
What do i do now
------------------
E-girl
IM: tiggersgurl2067
"...there are 2 paths, you can go back, but in the long run... there's still time to change the road you're on..."
What else can i give you?
They tell me you cheated
They tell me you lied
You deny it.
I love you -- and so, hurt and heartbroken,
I believe you.
I trust you.
Once upon a time, you and i had a conversation. I told you there was a reason that i turned you down, time after time.
They told me how you were...
And i didn't believe people could change.
You proved me wrong...
for awhile.
I let myself love you. I gave you a chance.
You broke my heart.
You say you love me, yet you watched me go through this pain, over and over.
If you would have admitted to it, ANY OF IT,
I would have loved you so much more.
All i wanted to hear was "i'm sorry"
I loved you so much, that i could have forgiven you.
For one girl, for 2 girls, for 10 girls.
I dont care that everyone thinks i'm stupid.
That's what love is...
You recognize that everyone makes mistakes, and you let them fix them.
I gave you that chance...
you never took it.
I spent months wondering...
Trying so hard to trust you
But inside, i was so scared
i was so hurt
and in my heart, i knew something was wrong.
so we had some fights... so what, who doesnt?
you need some time apart...
to figure things out.
i'm sorry i was afriad to give you that.
i was afraid to lose you.
but it looks like i already have.
i would have done WHATEVER IT TAKES
to get back what we had
to make things better
to fix whatever it is i did
2 weeks... 2 weeks you have put me through emotional hell.
I DONT WANT TO LIVE
that's how you make me feel
you know it too... you know it with every mean word you say.
These 2 weeks have been a fucking joke.
Tonight proved that.
I slept alone again tonight,
Wishing you were here.
A few hours ago,
i wrote a poem called "I Pretend"
it was a fantasy about you...
about having you here tonight,
to hold. to have.
i didn't cry tonight when i went to bed.
i figured you have your reasons for being wherever you are.
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LIE.
2:30 this morning. my phone rings.
my hopes were that it was you.
i wanted so desperately to hear your voice.
you know what i was going to tell you tonight?
i was going to tell you that i love you. nothing more. i wasn't going to bitch and cry that you weren't here. i was just going to tell you that i love you.
but it wasn't you. it was ryan.
tonight, you broke my heart.
I hope that she is worth it. i hope that she is worth losing ME... losing ryan. from your life. i hope its worth losing your gram's trust... i hope its worth losing your home, and i'm sure you'll soon quit school and your job.. and where will you go? to her?
i hope she can make you happy.
i watched what her and ryan went through. and you know what? they BOTH Fucked up. and they both know it.
but me and you?
no one in this world would have put up with what i did. and last night, on my front porch, you blamed this whole thing on me. all those months that I wasn't there???? who are you kidding. it was you, all along. all lies.
crystal.... 16 years old. you told her you loved her. i dont even know what you did with her. but you were with her. you went all those Fridays to see HER.
brandy... her best friend. that was all true.
KRISTA... this hurts the most. the part about the car... was true. i didnt know until tonight about your house in nanticoke. IN NANTICOKE FOR GODS SAKES!! that was such a great time for us! how was i so naive?
ALICIA... you even fucked over brad. cuz she was still with him.
CANDY... your best friend jarrod... remember him? donny? they all knew... they all told me.
JENN... HOW COULD YOU. HOW COULD BOTH OF YOU DO THAT TO ME AND RYAN. HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO CHRISTIAN.. .the person you want to move in with who loves her more than anything in the world? how could you sit there and lie to me, and your gram. how could you
You're with her right now. And tonight, I went through something that hurt worse than all the pain you've ever put me through... combined, times a thousand. tonight, i smashed everything in my room. all our pictures, everything. i piled everything of yours in the living room. i punched walls, i threw things. i yelled.
i did 110 on the interstate, and couldnt even see through my tears. i drove 2 hours out of my way to see the one person in this world i hate more than anything... JOHN.
YOU FUCKED OVER YOUR BEST FRIEND. he's the only person in this world who would never admit any of those things to me... he would protect you until the day you die... until you did what you did. and the truth came out. 8 months worth of lies... i found them out tonight.
and you are with her.
YOU ARE WITH HER.
is she worth it? when you come home, will you lie to me again? tell me none of it was true...
you know what... in my heart, i knew it. she's the ONLY one i had NO PROOF OF.. and she's the only one that i knew in my heart FOR SURE.
i want to say i hate you. i want to say that when you come home, you will find all your stuff on the porch, and i never want to see you again.
but i cant say anything. i cant talk... i have no voice from yelling. i cant see... my eyes are fire red from crying. i cant move... my legs are weak from shaking. i cant even breathe...
i am in shock. i have never loved anyone like i loved you.... and no one has ever shown me pain like you. no one in all my life. not even lee. EVEN LEE AT ONE POINT STOPPED LYING... AND APOLOGIZED. why cant you.
what will you do. what will you say when you come home. will you come home? what will i say? i think i will look at you blindly, and no words will come. none.
do i hate you? no. i love you. do i hate what you did to me? I HOPE SOMEDAY SOMEONE MAKES YOU FEEL THIS WAY, FOR JUST A SECOND. so you will know what i went through tonight.
tonight, i lost a part of me. a big part. i dont know how to fix it... i dont know where to start. i dont know how to start a day without you. i dont have any of the answers.
i wish i knew what was in your heart.
i wish i knew if you feel sorry, for any of it.
i wonder if you will ever regret it.
i wonder if you will miss me.
Tonight, you broke my heart.
What do i do now
------------------
E-girl
IM: tiggersgurl2067
"...there are 2 paths, you can go back, but in the long run... there's still time to change the road you're on..."
