You are Missing Out

[Hannah Capps]

I’m reading the book Aspegers Syndrome in the Family…In the chapter ‘To Close to the Maddening crowd…Liane explains what she herself goes through as an autistic and with autistic children…To quote something that stuck out to me:

I cannot therefore, blame NTs if they choose to be around there own kind, more often then not. But I can look down on them with hurt and sadness in my eyes when I see them running and hiding from us. And I can look at them with anger and dislike when they shun and ridicule the aspie. That act is unforgivable…Shame on them (NTs) I see aspies as books with unusual plots, multi-layered characters and far-out settings. I sit and shake my head in disbelief when I meet up with NTs that aren’t interested in turning our pages. If only they knew, if only they knew what they were missing.

This right here, this quote is the heart of the matter…This is what my gut instinct has been telling me all along…NTs, be it AGE from PS, a stranger in the store, or whom ever these NTs are…They, do not want to bother with an autistic person because we
are ‘stressful’ or ‘overbearing’ or ‘interpret things incorrectly that disturb others’ etc…All negative connotations that only further re-inforce the negative stance taken against those that are autistic…Is it any wonder then? I mean think about it, ponder why would NTs (Normal People) run and hide from an autistic? Why? They do not want to bother with them, and frankly that as the author said, saddens me…I do admit and obsess over trying to please people, and that they see as a turn-off…Does it ever occur to them the NT that I’m turned-off by there lack of tack, finding a bull shit reason as to why I cannot be a member any longer and or cannot talk to me any longer…Why don’t they just say what they really fucking mean? I don’t want to deal with you because you are to complicated and to much work…I’d be at more peace with that then the bull…I would be able to shut that book of a person, and put them on the shelf of my mind never to open them again just as they have refused to open me…Its fair, and that at least I believe the NT owes the autistic person…The true reason for there rejection…The truth shall set you free…Indeed it does…

 

[panic in paradise]

there is a lot NT's miss out on by staying in their world, where real life intensity comes fashionably or PC like on television. NT's hehe are easily read books, with little or no spine(no pun intended upon myself ;-) ) they are only capable of understanding what they have safely always known, and honestly, probably think people who are autistic are of low intelligence, lol.

it seems for some NT's, that if they cant control or feel in control, or feel above and pity for then its too much to handle - and disruptive to their world.

autism is 'scary' and is probably 'felt' or looked at in a real life situation by a stranger as schizophrenia; who it seems most people assume immediately are violent or dangerous! i love hearing that from acquaintances, and then telling them that i for example have schizoeffective...!

its sad to me, that people, so many people arent more interested in human behavior, us, people and our emotions/feelings/actions/reactions and thought processes - how we freaking work, our brains are full of electrical surges and blasts, chemical reactions, and the capacity to do, what, 80% more then what we know of.

i guess some people know what they know, and thats all that matters.

im certain that if someone with a 1/2 open mind would hear you out would be fascinated, or at least damn interested in a little more about, life. its easier to look the other way, disengage, not try/care, or honestly say those things you mentioned, because then they would sound shallow.

 

[Rexeh]

Having Asperger's Syndrome or HFA can be compared to living in a plastic bubble where you are feeling like an observer to the so-called 'normal world' which doesn't give a fuck about 'those retards' and ridicule them for being different. But some people can break through that bubble and see someone who does have social skills or complex emotions like honesty, compassion, or simply caring about people without judging them for being religous, gay, poor or anything that the 'normal world' perceives as different thus inferior. Simply sad: we are 'not normal' but the rest of the world is normal, well if poverty, greed, hatred, and all the things our world has seen since the arrival of human beings or 'cilivisation' as the people like to call their life where they essentially live in their own bubble is normal, I am happy to be able to look at the bigger picture where this world is only a tiny speck in the vastness of the universe and be happy with the fact that we will look past our shortcomings one day and realize the planet Earth is nothing more than a bubble itself...

I will admit that I have failed in this life, but the end of our lives could be nothing more than a new beginning since it took the death of a star to create complex life. like Carl Sagan said: we are nothing more than stardust...

FWIW: I am fairly intelligent according to specialists where tests are just unable to give an exact number. They have put me in the top 2% with a score of at least 140+ yet I don't care about that since it just results in you being called arrogant etc. so I would rather be normal since it just makes it harder to find a challenge in life where you have a constant need for more books, more stuff to worry about and more people expecting lots of you so failure is not an option...

I hope this gives you a brief look inside my 'bubble' and I hope it creates more interest in those of us who feel unhappy because beneath an autistic person often sits something special we should try to embrace so we can feel a little bit more normal.

A long rant coming directly from the hart of someone who lived 21 years before getting the final diagnose, I now know why I felt different but it already has had an enormous impact on my life which is something that will have effect on the rest of my future life now. If only I had known... heh?

-- Peace o/

 

[Hannah Capps]

Been sleeping a lot of late...12am-3pm up for an hour to eat and pee...then I slept from 4pm-10pm...I really do not wish to deal with a family that doesn't give a crap about the damnation that is autism...They don't get it, and they never will...so I sleep to escape there poisonous words...Trying to get into Remuda Ranch for the ED, SI, depression, and autism...Because they are the only treatment place in the USA that understands the connection between all of those things including the autism...Rare find...Insurance will not cover this treatment even after finding something in state and in network...*head desk*...So I sleep to avoid all of this...I want and need treatment from people who understand and can advocate...Hopefully I'll get coverage, or not wake up...

 

[Hannah Capps]

Self Injured quiet a bit this evening...I love crimson red...Seeing red...makes me feel alive...if I am fortunate an artery will be hit...If not I'll live through another miserable day where no one cares to open my pages and read the plots I have...No one really listens...So why should I listen?

 

[n3ophy7e]

^^ Hannah I really wish you wouldn't take out your frustrations on your beautiful self
Your family might not listen, but people here on Bluelight do listen, and we do care.

Please don't do any more cutting tonight

 

[aparenz]

There's no such thing as normal people, there's just ignorance. And that happens to be the norm these days.