Yet another blog because I have no idea what to do anymore. I must be fucking retarded. It seems no matter what I do on BL I upset some one or get yelled at. When people gets upset often they attack and make cutting comments and hurt me. Also being scolded by a mod makes me feel pretty horrible too. Makes me feel like I'm a bad person deserving of punishment.
It shouldn't be the mods job to follow my stupid ass around making sure I don't piss people off with my stupid shit. At this point I'm wondering why I even bother. I mean sure BL is the only place I can come, and be honest about my life. I don't have to hide the drug use, cutting, depression and everything else behind a fake smile. But I'm pretty worthless here.
Really if a mod asked me to leave I would. Actually at times I feel like I'm just waiting for a ban. I've already been "banned" from certain threads due to the fact that I'm just retarded.
All this keeps pushing and pushing on how shitty I already feel. I just feel like I should kill myself because I'm no use to anyone anymore apparently. Fuck even the dark side finds me fucking useless...
It shouldn't be the mods job to follow my stupid ass around making sure I don't piss people off with my stupid shit. At this point I'm wondering why I even bother. I mean sure BL is the only place I can come, and be honest about my life. I don't have to hide the drug use, cutting, depression and everything else behind a fake smile. But I'm pretty worthless here.
Really if a mod asked me to leave I would. Actually at times I feel like I'm just waiting for a ban. I've already been "banned" from certain threads due to the fact that I'm just retarded.
All this keeps pushing and pushing on how shitty I already feel. I just feel like I should kill myself because I'm no use to anyone anymore apparently. Fuck even the dark side finds me fucking useless...