Year 5 of isolation...

[SouthernGuy]

Whats up everyone, I am in year 5 of isolation(fast approaching year 6) since I began my journey to get clean. I have been an addict since I was 17 (31 now) in one form or another. I have been an opiate addict for the most part but I also was addicted to crack for many years. I never held a job more than a couple months and pretty much lived off my parents (dad just so happen to be an oxycottin dealer, how convenient). But then dad finally died from bad health from taking 8-10 OC 80s every day and I was left thinking in my twisted addicted mind that my life was over too. Back then he was like God to me, cool as hell and always kept his baby boy high as a kite (hindsight is 20/20 but damn, I wish he would have taken me dirtbike riding instead of partying with me). So I took the inheritance money which was about 60 or 70 grand (dont really remember) and moved to Dallas and did it all up in Heroin and Coke. Shooting everyday untill it was all gone, my truck was sold, and I was living homeless in a park. I called my mother to come and get me and my next few years would be relapsing, getting clean, relapsing, getting clean, so on and so on. I kept this up all while able to still go out and get girls and have friends but each time I would relapse/get clean it became harder and harder. Around 2010 I was having a good year, had many girlfriends and then finally met one that I thought was gonna be "the one". Needless to say it wasn't a fairy tale ending. Her family of high class stuck ups convinced her she could do better than me (had a bad rep from the years previous) and she left me. Well, I relapsed again and began my path to being alone. It has been 5 years since then and now I work everyday (a year and a half! New record!) Managing an oil change shop. I'm clean now except for the Suboxone I buy from an old junkie/party friend to keep me straight. I usually buy 4-5 on Friday and make them last all week. I guess technically thats not staying clean, but for me it is compared to what I was doing. Anyway, I have been alone for the past 5 years, no friends(except for my sub dealer), no family contact except from my mother, and no significant other and it doesn't look to be changing anytime soon. I'm 31, poor (I make $259 a week), and have a beat up chevy pickup truck. Not exactly what a decent girl in a small town is looking for in a guy.lol. I guess the point of this is to ask, has anyone else been through anything like this? Shuting themselves out from the world because they feel insignificant? If so what did you do to get past it? Did you get past it? I don't know, at this point ive made peace with my life. I have a pitbull puppy and plenty of video games to keep my mind occupied but I can't shake the need to want to have someone close to me again. If anyone has any advice i'll happily take it.......excuse any bad grammar, Im at work typing this on my phone

 

[herbavore]

The first thing I would do if I were you is give myself a huge pat on the back for not only surviving your upbringing but triumphing over your heroin and coke addiction and substance abuse in general. That's impressive.

The next thing I would do is ask yourself what kind of life you want. If you want a simple life, where you enjoy the ordinary but wonderful pleasures of lobve and family and a sense of accomplishment in your work then you will stop worrying about things like the age of your truck and you look from a superficial set of criteria to women--because those are not the kind of women you want to attract! You want someone that loves you for who you are, who can see that you have already done something pretty heroic with your life and you don't have anything to prove. The only way to find a woman like that is to rid your own mind of superficial judgments about yourself and also maybe about the women you meet. Just get really clear about what you want, what your own values are and how you want to live them out. Then look for a woman that shares them and take a chance and start a conversation.

Making friends is just as important as having a romantic relationship, if not more. Are there any guys that you know that you feel comfortable with that you could ask to do something that you would do anyway (watch a game, go fishing, whatever)? Romantic relationships come and go but friends are usually there through it all. Again, the test is whether you can comfortable be yourself with the person.

I think it is another testament to who you are that you reached out here in this way. Keep working on believing in yourself and your own worth and I think you will be able to look back on this period of your life as just a difficult bump in the road.

 

[dognasher]

Man, what a story. I think you should be super proud of yourself, like Herbavore said. I really understand the isolating nature of addiction. I think it's a habit that continues ever after we get sober, sometimes. It's never too late, and you are still really young! I am sure you are actually much more mature than other guys your age given what you have overcome, and just because you live a simple life doesn't mean you are doomed to be alone! I am poor, and I am with a guy who is poor. We're both poor, but we are in love. I was married previously to a man who made a six figure salary, at a time in my life when I also made a six figure salary, and I was miserable. I didn't love him because he had money. Not all women are shallow assholes, I swear! And actually, being in your early thirties can work for you - I feel like most women I know, and myself included, become far more secure as they get into their thirties, and therefore less shallow. Chicks that are a little older are usually less about going to clubs and all that bullshit.

You said you live in a small town - are there any things like meetup.com there? I know in my city there are all sorts of networking activities - Herban Garden is one that comes to mind. It's for vegetarians, but I like the principle: people who like to cook meet up at each other's houses and cook meals for each other. It's not drinking or drug related, and one of my good friends recently met a guy at one of these who she really likes! Just an example, but maybe you could look online for some resources? I personally am part of a running club, and it helps me get out of my shell once a week to meet with like minded people and do something healthy.

Maybe just start out with some easy stuff? Like if you like to fish, join an online fishing forum that has members where you live and meet up with them? I used to have a Labrador Retriever, and as dorky as this sounds, I would meet up with members of this Lab Lovers social forum that I was a part of at dog parks, etc. One time I even went on a camping trip with a bunch of them and it was actually pretty fun! Building on things you already love to do, like Herbavore said, is easy and within your comfort zone. Sounds like you love your dog - maybe something as little as going to the dog park with your puppy would help you find some like minded people?

Sometimes just getting out there and feeling like part of the world - walking your dog, joining a softball team, etc can be social but safe, and it also gives you some structure so you have something to look forward to each week, and yet another reason to stay clean.

Just some thoughts! But by no means are you the only one to feel isolated from your past drug use. I think a lot of us struggle when we have to re-enter the world.

 

[dmtmixalis]

^^^^
What these guys said.
You sound like you've jumped through rings of fire to get where you are, and you should be proud. Huge kudos.

 

[NOtoInvega]

Living by the Spirit (Romans 8:9-11) 16I say then, walk in the spirit, and you shall

Seek God's Son. His Church is 2000 years old. If you need proof, study prophecy. There is proof that the Bible is the Word of God and the Catholic Church is His Church. Instead of seeking worldly things, seek holiness and favor in God's sight.

Being isolated can be a good thing if you focus on God. Study the Word of God, pray, repent, and seek after Salvation and Eternal Life!

 

[2bizy]

Yes I know what that isolation feels like I was there for years! I feel I went through it because I was not ready to trust myself for fear of getting close to someone and letting them down by relapsing. First I want to commend you for your progress and fighting the good fight. I was a marathon runner before I got addicted due to injury. What you need is a positive outlet weather it be a running club, swim team, hiking group or something else. Addicts have the habit of only enjoying rewards in life and not the journey if you get into a group activity you will start to enjoy everyday. Plus you will feel better about yourself as you get fit and build confidence. Then when you least expect it you will attract the Right girl into your life!!

 

[2bizy]

And Amen yes! I can do all things through Christ who strengens me!!

 

[Dresden]

To the OP,

Have you tried online dating recently? The internet is a marvelous thing.

 

[stillkickin]

Hey SG, helluva story man. I'm 31 as well and can "kind of" relate. I didn't have quite the whirlwind you did but still know what it's like trying to come out of pretty severe addiction and completely compartmentalizing my life to shut out people getting very close to me. I got divorced a few years back after a 9 year relationship. I have yet to "date" since then. There's been a few girls here and there but even if they were interested in something more long-term, I completely shut that down before it could evolve into anything meaningful due to my yo-yo social life. The ups and downs of addiction isn't typically good for a significant other. I am now at the point where I want to get back out there and attempt dating again but I've got just a little more to kick. Then, I believe a couple months of completely clean rebuild time is in order before I officially start down that road.

One of my big concerns is, how do you address that part of your life with someone who more than likely is going to be blown away by how wild it sounds? I find most people are rather oblivious to the addiction world and generally try to avoid any conversation about it as it makes them uncomfortable.