ThatSpaceyKid
Bluelighter
"Ye Who Enter Abandon All Hope" Meth Ruined My Life Don't Do It NOT EVEN ONCE
Hello, I it is I again Thatspacykid I came out from the voids. My life is not the same since I first started writing in the forums here. My life has become bitter sad and full of guilt and regret. I feel like I am falling apart. I just don't feel anything now. WHY CAN'T I FEEL!!! Everything is going to shit in front of my eyes, and it hurts, but I can't find any reason to care of to preserve myself. I hate myself.
I am stuck in spiraling depression. I am alone all the time now. My family sees me as an animal. I am in trouble with the law. M1 cases. They are just getting worse. I don't know my family or friends anymore. All my homies and using buddies are GONE. EVERY ONE left when they promised me they would stay and help put me back together.
Though I wanna die at times. I still continue to fight for this life that I don't want. Everythings changed. I feel dead. I legitimately feel dead. It seems like people now don't even care about me or expect that I am gonna be able to survive and go on with my life. My lifes become like a sad movie honestly full of drama and chaos. But there is no end. No climax. No start. Don't feel sorry for me. Let me just warn anyone out there who wants to try Krysty DONT. I am 22 now. I have been using since I was 16. Til I was 19 it was only smoking. JUST smoking. Which in my addict mind is not bad at all and krystal is not at the bottom of the barell. I don't even know myself anymore.
I am not the person I once was. I fell apart the first time at 17. I fell into Heroin. My life started getting lonely and dark. My family started going to extreme lengths to try and fix me. I caught 3 court cases because of my dad. "Trying to help me." I thought this was just a phase and that my life would get better, but I was wrong. Depression began to cripple me. Then I went to rehab for 6 months. Got out when I was 20. Continued to use drugs and only shot up now. It has been 1 year since I started shooting up drugs. Then when I was 21. My life became hell and has crippled and traumatized me. You try finding a dead woman under your truck in your yard a day after valentines day in 2016. I had no part in it, but she was murdered due to drug crimes.
This town... I am in.. Its literally messed up. It is small like 15,000 people max. But there have been several murders in the last year. There have been a lot of drug related crimes. I have been in and out of my dads house. I literally have nothing planned or going for me. I dont even own a car. I cant even pay my bills anymore. I am 39 days clean and my life isnt getting any better. Mind you were talking every day use IV. I lived in my homies car for 9 months just because I wanted to do meth and was not allowed to be at my dads on drugs. And it was dangerous and made me want to use more. I just want to go shove a needle in my arm and get release, but I cant. I cant... I hate living anymore, but I mean it when I say im okay. This is normal now.
The last 4 years I lost myself. I feel so dead. I feel like demons and satan have crippled me. Yes I seen shadows, etc. I had others who witnessed it. And they were not on the drug. I literally cant hold myself together long enough to maintain a job now. I used to be a hard worker. But since I started catching charges my record is affected. I cant even get a job at the gas staion. All that is left is the warehouse or the fields. But im to weak and sick in the head now to work... I am ill mentally. My depression owns my life. For the last 4 months I have tried to work and when it failed I just went on one for months. I dont even know what I want anymore. I dont have any hopes or goals now. 6 years of meth have ruined my life. Be warned dont use. Most people fall apart, no ALL of us do after time.
I cant drink safely either because I go into violent rages. My family looks at me in fear. In my psychosis and insanity when it hurt so bad I would hold a knife to my throat near my juggualr with full intentions to slit it open. I feel worthless. I am a burden. My family doesnt want me. Society doesnt want me. My homies all left. My girl left. My mother left. Its still stuck in my them running in fear as I chased them with a knife with intentions to hug them and tell them to call emergency services this happened over and over. I am on anti-depressents and anxiety meds.
I have to take 15 pills in the morning, 4 for lunch, and 4 at night just to feel okay and get through the day. They dont even make me happy, but they help ease the anxiety. I smoke weed on a daily basis medically. I rarely do anything anymore besides sleep and cry and hurt and fall apart. No body new comes into my life. Im such a mess. l sit at home in my room all day for days on end only talking to myself most of the day. I dont feel worthy enough to go around my family anymore. God please take me. I dont even want to live anymore, but AGAIN im OKAY. IM okay. It hurts so bad but im okay. I am at my ends. I have been to jail.
I died from Heroin when I was 21 only 1 year ago. If I use meth anymore doctors say I will slip into schitzophrenia. It is a horrible sad place.
My grandma dont even claim me no more. My friends act like I never existed. I sit here angry at myself depressed contemplating on slitting my wrist. Writing sad stories and documenting my life. My writing is all that is left of myself. It is my only way to express this pain without getting viloent or to where I am dangerous to my own life. I go weeks at times or days fasting or just not eating. My appetite is gone. I always feel sick. I dont rarely have energy.
I try to go to counseling and meetings but NONE of it helps. Not even NA and AA. Folks I think im to far gone. All thats left is hell, death, and the end. I fear insanity no longer, for this isnt the first time I went insane. God help me. Satan has my soul. Abyss The Lord of Chaos rules my life. I feel like a guest inside my own head. God help me, But again folks dont worry. Im okay. Im okay,. IM okay. Im broken. But im okay.
Dont do meth if you plan to enjoy the rest of your life. If my life does end in tragedy and I give into myself just know I used to be somebody that mattered. I was a straight A student, I was in college classes thru high school, I took AP classes, finished math up to calculus, studied chemisty for 7years with high hopes. Im sorry if I let go and cant make it any longer. Let this be a record of many a testimony of how meth ruined me us.
Hello, I it is I again Thatspacykid I came out from the voids. My life is not the same since I first started writing in the forums here. My life has become bitter sad and full of guilt and regret. I feel like I am falling apart. I just don't feel anything now. WHY CAN'T I FEEL!!! Everything is going to shit in front of my eyes, and it hurts, but I can't find any reason to care of to preserve myself. I hate myself.
I am stuck in spiraling depression. I am alone all the time now. My family sees me as an animal. I am in trouble with the law. M1 cases. They are just getting worse. I don't know my family or friends anymore. All my homies and using buddies are GONE. EVERY ONE left when they promised me they would stay and help put me back together.
Though I wanna die at times. I still continue to fight for this life that I don't want. Everythings changed. I feel dead. I legitimately feel dead. It seems like people now don't even care about me or expect that I am gonna be able to survive and go on with my life. My lifes become like a sad movie honestly full of drama and chaos. But there is no end. No climax. No start. Don't feel sorry for me. Let me just warn anyone out there who wants to try Krysty DONT. I am 22 now. I have been using since I was 16. Til I was 19 it was only smoking. JUST smoking. Which in my addict mind is not bad at all and krystal is not at the bottom of the barell. I don't even know myself anymore.
I am not the person I once was. I fell apart the first time at 17. I fell into Heroin. My life started getting lonely and dark. My family started going to extreme lengths to try and fix me. I caught 3 court cases because of my dad. "Trying to help me." I thought this was just a phase and that my life would get better, but I was wrong. Depression began to cripple me. Then I went to rehab for 6 months. Got out when I was 20. Continued to use drugs and only shot up now. It has been 1 year since I started shooting up drugs. Then when I was 21. My life became hell and has crippled and traumatized me. You try finding a dead woman under your truck in your yard a day after valentines day in 2016. I had no part in it, but she was murdered due to drug crimes.
This town... I am in.. Its literally messed up. It is small like 15,000 people max. But there have been several murders in the last year. There have been a lot of drug related crimes. I have been in and out of my dads house. I literally have nothing planned or going for me. I dont even own a car. I cant even pay my bills anymore. I am 39 days clean and my life isnt getting any better. Mind you were talking every day use IV. I lived in my homies car for 9 months just because I wanted to do meth and was not allowed to be at my dads on drugs. And it was dangerous and made me want to use more. I just want to go shove a needle in my arm and get release, but I cant. I cant... I hate living anymore, but I mean it when I say im okay. This is normal now.
The last 4 years I lost myself. I feel so dead. I feel like demons and satan have crippled me. Yes I seen shadows, etc. I had others who witnessed it. And they were not on the drug. I literally cant hold myself together long enough to maintain a job now. I used to be a hard worker. But since I started catching charges my record is affected. I cant even get a job at the gas staion. All that is left is the warehouse or the fields. But im to weak and sick in the head now to work... I am ill mentally. My depression owns my life. For the last 4 months I have tried to work and when it failed I just went on one for months. I dont even know what I want anymore. I dont have any hopes or goals now. 6 years of meth have ruined my life. Be warned dont use. Most people fall apart, no ALL of us do after time.
I cant drink safely either because I go into violent rages. My family looks at me in fear. In my psychosis and insanity when it hurt so bad I would hold a knife to my throat near my juggualr with full intentions to slit it open. I feel worthless. I am a burden. My family doesnt want me. Society doesnt want me. My homies all left. My girl left. My mother left. Its still stuck in my them running in fear as I chased them with a knife with intentions to hug them and tell them to call emergency services this happened over and over. I am on anti-depressents and anxiety meds.
I have to take 15 pills in the morning, 4 for lunch, and 4 at night just to feel okay and get through the day. They dont even make me happy, but they help ease the anxiety. I smoke weed on a daily basis medically. I rarely do anything anymore besides sleep and cry and hurt and fall apart. No body new comes into my life. Im such a mess. l sit at home in my room all day for days on end only talking to myself most of the day. I dont feel worthy enough to go around my family anymore. God please take me. I dont even want to live anymore, but AGAIN im OKAY. IM okay. It hurts so bad but im okay. I am at my ends. I have been to jail.
I died from Heroin when I was 21 only 1 year ago. If I use meth anymore doctors say I will slip into schitzophrenia. It is a horrible sad place.
My grandma dont even claim me no more. My friends act like I never existed. I sit here angry at myself depressed contemplating on slitting my wrist. Writing sad stories and documenting my life. My writing is all that is left of myself. It is my only way to express this pain without getting viloent or to where I am dangerous to my own life. I go weeks at times or days fasting or just not eating. My appetite is gone. I always feel sick. I dont rarely have energy.
I try to go to counseling and meetings but NONE of it helps. Not even NA and AA. Folks I think im to far gone. All thats left is hell, death, and the end. I fear insanity no longer, for this isnt the first time I went insane. God help me. Satan has my soul. Abyss The Lord of Chaos rules my life. I feel like a guest inside my own head. God help me, But again folks dont worry. Im okay. Im okay,. IM okay. Im broken. But im okay.
Dont do meth if you plan to enjoy the rest of your life. If my life does end in tragedy and I give into myself just know I used to be somebody that mattered. I was a straight A student, I was in college classes thru high school, I took AP classes, finished math up to calculus, studied chemisty for 7years with high hopes. Im sorry if I let go and cant make it any longer. Let this be a record of many a testimony of how meth ruined me us.
Last edited by a moderator: