If I were to take a combination of xanax, methadone, and maybe a shot of vodka (for good measure) what are the chances I'd live? How much would someone with a BMI of 17 have to consume to for sure die? Would I die in my sleep or would I feel myself stop breathing? And, if I were to live, would I suffer brain damage? Psychosis? From what I've read so far it seems like a pretty peaceful way to go.
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Xanax, Methadone, and Alcohol
- Thread starter se001
- Start date
BK38
Bluelight Crew
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It sounds like you're in a bad place and no one here is going to help you to hurt yourself. That is a dangerous combination and we are harm reduction focused. You are risking serious injury/death by mixing those things. With a low BMI like yours, there will be a fine line between a high and death. Also, you may not die and be left with serious brain injury from lack of oxygen if you OD. Perhaps call someone or a hotline? We have forums here such as The Dark Side and Mental Health that can help you through things if you're having a hard time. Take care (links below).
The Dark Side
Mental Health
List of suicide hotlines by country
The Dark Side
Mental Health
List of suicide hotlines by country
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Is this the end-game: Death? Getting "high" and death are fairly closely knitted.
Why do you ask about this combo, please?
OK: After rereading the post I see.
Wanna talk about it for a minute?
Yeah, the end game is death.
I've been wanting to kill myself for years. Suicide by shotgun has something like a 1% survival rate so that would be my best bet, but every time I stare down the barrel I can't bring myself to pull the trigger. OD'ing in my sleep seems like it would be a lot nicer, but now I'm scared of surviving it and living the rest of my life as a vegetable who doesn't even have enough brain cells to put a gun to it's head.
This is a valid argument against suicide attempts. My brother lived through a .380 to his brain and my father shot himself with .22 rat-shot to the head. The both survived and were "different"... like not *them. Hard to explain. They have both gone now. RIP
What's keeping ya from looking towards a future? Is there no one around that will suffer the loss?
BTW, welcome to BL. Glad to have ya and hope to keep ya on board for a while (couple decades 
).
As BK has encouraged; create a thread in one of the following: It will get more responses ffrom different perspectives, maybe.
).As BK has encouraged; create a thread in one of the following: It will get more responses ffrom different perspectives, maybe.
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I don't really care about anyone in my family and historically we're all useless and insane. I really do believe I'm some sort of subhuman. Can't keep a job or stay in school and living really isn't worth the effort anymore. Emotionally I can't stand even going outside anymore because I'm reminded I'm nothing more than vermin whenever I see all the average, functional people. It's just not worthwhile, man.
average, functional people
Not sure how long you have been on this planet but this is all a facade if I recall correctly. Those average, functional people are just following a program that some higher-ups "coded" long ago. They are drones that cannot reveal who they really are or what they really want... they are stuck and few buck. We different for a reason, broham. It is kinda an amazing path to seek out why we are not "fitting". Can I ask your age? Not to get too personal just trying to "see" where ya at, if you will.
Have you been hurt physically really bad lately?
uh, does this forum have a private messaging thing?average, functional people
Can I ask your age? Not to get too personal just trying to "see" where ya at, if you will.
Have you been hurt physically really bad lately?
Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
I've moved this from OD to TDS. We are not here to help you kill yourself, OP, but we are here to help. ♥
Bummer
JessFR
Bluelight Crew
Nearly 10 years ago I did something very much like what you're describing. The whole pills alcohol drugs don't wanna wake up thing.
I woke up in hospital instead.
I don't mean this to sound like hollow platitudes, but I'm glad I didn't die.
I can't say that my life now is awesome, but it's a lot better than it was then. And hey, when I did it I was absolutely certain it'd never get any better. And I had been that miserable for years at that point.
I can't say exactly what changed, it was a few different things. But over time things did get a lot better.
My point is, life is nearly impossible to predict. I'm sorry things suck so much right now. But I implore you to keep trying. Not because I believe it's somehow immoral to commit suicide, I don't. But because I have seen how things can turn around and how total certainty that it's all over can be wrong. Depression has this way of screwing with your perception of reality, in a way that can be impossible to detect. It feels completely objective and real.
Good luck man. Feel free to message me if you wanna talk.
I woke up in hospital instead.
I don't mean this to sound like hollow platitudes, but I'm glad I didn't die.
I can't say that my life now is awesome, but it's a lot better than it was then. And hey, when I did it I was absolutely certain it'd never get any better. And I had been that miserable for years at that point.
I can't say exactly what changed, it was a few different things. But over time things did get a lot better.
My point is, life is nearly impossible to predict. I'm sorry things suck so much right now. But I implore you to keep trying. Not because I believe it's somehow immoral to commit suicide, I don't. But because I have seen how things can turn around and how total certainty that it's all over can be wrong. Depression has this way of screwing with your perception of reality, in a way that can be impossible to detect. It feels completely objective and real.
Good luck man. Feel free to message me if you wanna talk.
UND3AD_TOAST3R
Greenlighter
- Joined
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I will be your friend
dont be sadYeah but... what was it like? Did you notice you were dying or did you just sorta fall asleep?
JessFR
Bluelight Crew
I didnt notice falling asleep, I remember doing it, I remember a tiny bit after, as in I remember suddenly being on the floor with paramedics around me then things mostly just skip to waking up in the hospital a lot later that day and remembered what happened.
Not long after I was transferred to the mental health ward, which was.. Interesting. it was decided shortly after with my consent to commit me to a private mental hospital, I spent a few weeks there. then they discharged me.
I know things can really really suck sometimes. But there are other options to suicide and they are worth attempting. It's just finding the strength to do it can feel impossible. Depression makes you feel so sure there are no other options than ending it. It's such an insidious disease.
Not long after I was transferred to the mental health ward, which was.. Interesting. it was decided shortly after with my consent to commit me to a private mental hospital, I spent a few weeks there. then they discharged me.
I know things can really really suck sometimes. But there are other options to suicide and they are worth attempting. It's just finding the strength to do it can feel impossible. Depression makes you feel so sure there are no other options than ending it. It's such an insidious disease.
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- Joined
- Mar 7, 2011
- Messages
- 25,423
@se001 I'm also just gonna throw my experience out there, because I've tried this twice now in 6 years. I know it's hard when you're depressed to see anything different. And I know all too well the envy one can get when surrounded by "normal" people aka happy/smiling/laughing perfect people. They seem perfect, but they aren't either. Everyone is struggling deep down, and we really do only get one chance, so please be careful with yours.
Both attempts I've survived and saw my mission clearer on the other side. There is surely more you want to do with your life. No one can tell you what that is, but there is support for you here while you're depressed. I'm really sorry you're going through this, it was only a couple months ago where I was getting hauled off to the psych ward and then rehab again.
It is definitely never a fun experience either, please be careful. You likely will benefit from professional help though, so depending where you live I would look into getting into a behavioral health unit. It really does help.
Both attempts I've survived and saw my mission clearer on the other side. There is surely more you want to do with your life. No one can tell you what that is, but there is support for you here while you're depressed. I'm really sorry you're going through this, it was only a couple months ago where I was getting hauled off to the psych ward and then rehab again.
It is definitely never a fun experience either, please be careful. You likely will benefit from professional help though, so depending where you live I would look into getting into a behavioral health unit. It really does help.
I purposefully overdosed on fentanyl March 4, 2020. It was like blacking out. Then I was in a hospital all tubed up and sick as a dog. Im so glad I lived.
Your writing strikes me like your in a space that feels kind of alien or disassociated. Is that about right? Is life like a waking dream (nightmare)?
Youll wake up someday if you continue on, but youll never have the chance if you die. Dreams come to pass but death doesnt. Its a harsh, hellish void, like nothing.. except every thing youve been or could be is now gone. Its a worthless state to be in, far more than a hard life stuck in your head.
Learn to stand tall when you walk down the street, or even across a room. Physically look up and ahead and be aware. Youll start to notice things outside yourself to take your head off things. Your posture will mimic confidence will become confidence.
Sorry if this all sounds weird. Im in a state myself, drab mood. I do find that even just physically changing my stance can change a lot though.
Do you have any friends to talk to on the phone or elsewhere? An ear helps too. Being validated by anothers acceptance can change a life. Theres people here including me who are willing to talk if you need to.
Your writing strikes me like your in a space that feels kind of alien or disassociated. Is that about right? Is life like a waking dream (nightmare)?
Youll wake up someday if you continue on, but youll never have the chance if you die. Dreams come to pass but death doesnt. Its a harsh, hellish void, like nothing.. except every thing youve been or could be is now gone. Its a worthless state to be in, far more than a hard life stuck in your head.
Learn to stand tall when you walk down the street, or even across a room. Physically look up and ahead and be aware. Youll start to notice things outside yourself to take your head off things. Your posture will mimic confidence will become confidence.
Sorry if this all sounds weird. Im in a state myself, drab mood. I do find that even just physically changing my stance can change a lot though.
Do you have any friends to talk to on the phone or elsewhere? An ear helps too. Being validated by anothers acceptance can change a life. Theres people here including me who are willing to talk if you need to.