TheTwighlight
Bluelighter
It was gonna be a fun night. I had just talked to my little brother, and he and his bandmates had wanted to practice with me on 2nd guitar. I said OK, and had my best friend, J2, take me to my parent's house. I get there and I had just picked up 13 1/2 bars of Xanax (alprazolam). I took 3.5mg and smoked a joint outside, and slammed a beer (I hate alcohol and never drink beer fast). We go inside and J1 (my brother) gets on his drumset. C is on bass and M on 1st guitar. I plug in and we start some improvisation. It went really well, and I love playing with my little brother, we have quite a connection, musically. Eventually, the other guys asked if the liquor store was open, and I said yes, but only for 40 more minutes. Plus, they stop selling liquor at 9:00 PM and it's 11:15. I tell C if we're gonna go, we have to go now. So we leave, and everyone had only had 1 bar each (except me). M, C, and M's girlfriend, A, were all getting pretty fucked up already and they hadn't even really drank yet. I have the highest xanax tolerance of anyone I've ever met, so I don't worry about how much I take. I'm not addicted anymore, either, it's just that I seem to have a permanent benzo tolerance. My brother had to stay at home because he is on probation. I got my friends what they wanted, and got myself a 6-pack and my brother a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20, as I had already given him a little xanax and 40mg hydrocodone. I must note that I have zero tolerance to alcohol. It fucks me up worse than anything, and I don't like it unless it's mixed with benzos (and I know the dangers of this combo, so no lectures, please). I got back to my friend's house and started drinking my beer as fast as I could. I also had a bowl or 2. I remember taking 8 1/2 more bars, bringing my xanax total to 20.5mg. I also remember that about beer #4, I started losing my balance really badly. I was probably really out of it at this point, but I'm so used to benzo blackouts that I wasn't concerned. Then I wake up and the rest of my bars are laying out. So I take them. My glasses are bent, and they're brand new. I did drink all my beer. I don't think I had a traditional blackout, either, because J2 and his girlfriend told me I was awake and hanging out with them that night. I just remember nothing between about 1:00 AM and 10:00 AM. I really have tried to quit this ridiculously excessive drug intake, but it always gets me with benzos. I lost a job one time after taking 33 bars and 200mg hydrocodone. I drove up to work smoking pot thinking I was sober and I had no xanax or hydrocodone tolerance at that time, either. It seems to me that I cannot control my xanax intake once I have reached a certain level of intoxication. It's like on xanax I just HAVE to take everything I have. My little brother lost his job the next morning, and hopefully he'll get it back, but he also took and drank everything he had, and he had to work at 4:00 AM. I feel horrible (for hooking my brother up) after this but the fact is that I'm sure I'm going to take this combo again. And considering he used to be a crack addict, I'll gladly give him a pill any day he calls me telling me he wants crack again. What a fucking terrible cycle.
