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Benzos Xanax, Adderall, and the legal system has sent me into true psycosis

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illn3ss

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 29, 2013
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36
Hello All, I strongly recommend you all please read, as this can be an important warning to you all.

Guys I swear to God I'm is asking about benzo tolerance because I've made a lot of enemies and is truly scared for his life. I do not plan to participate in a rape of any kind. This whole thing is about the cops squeezing some info out of meand his peers finding out about it, causing extreme social anxiety to me. Please keep reading. The last thread was closed and he hopes we can get into mature conversations. I don't know if I could trust my roommate, who I blacked out with a couple times. (drug dealer himself would only take one bar). The roommate, being a drug dealer is loosely associated with some of the people I ratted on.

The day I ratted out, cops saw stems in his car and I stupidly admitted to eating marijuana. I was young at the time (18 yrs) and was pulled for running over caution sticks in the apartment complex I smoked at. (I know stupid)and all I said was names and numbers, and eventually I made my dad tell the detective I wouldn't go through with a police setup (they wanted me to produce felonies) or wiretapping. When I was released, and talked to one of my friends, I told them the cops wanted me to snitch. Later he joked about setting up someone we both know. He tells someone else, who tells the whole world.

Hopefully you guys have some sympathy because I still risked felony charges. One time I heard my drug dealing roommate leave the apartment and mumbled "better not snitch". Soon I heard two people come in the house. (hallucination?) One was reloading a gun and the other had some sort of device on a stroller. I felt like the device was giving me cancer and I noticed my hairline receding, so I jumped out of his window and went to my car trying to buy a gun. Another occasion a month later, I was thinking about my shotgun and I hear very loudly (as if in the house), that "if you don't stop now your sister won't be saved"

Also I have seen the ghosts of one person I snitched on, after taking 50 mg Adderall to study. I saw his face come out of the shadows on the ground with a worm like body trying to expand. I turned on the lights and it stopped. A few days later, I was eating a sandwich in the parking lot, I saw the same guys face on his neighbor's window, there was some type of orange, white and black industrial sticker on it. Pretty sure this was a hallucination but I hallucinated the same drug dealer I saw come out of the shadows that other night. The drug dealer was looking me and flashing his dick me. Smiling.. I was in a college town that's 8 hours away from where this guy lives.

The dealer is good looking no doubt he may turning into a zeitgeist for me. He's Italian, I'm Puerto Rican. I only said his name to the police, but I gave out more information to someone he knows a bit who got home invaded 2 years later, is this my fault, or was it cause he was trapping oxycodone?

I never thought drugs could get so real, and I really need some help. I never woke up with any anal pains, and woke up in my bed comfortable each time. I even had a shotgun in his car trunk the last time I blacked out with the dealer, when the dealer didn't take embarrassing videos of me. (he took a video of me the first time I blacked out with him. I took 3 bars, snorted one and took 5 more. (18 mg).The 2nd time was when I took 4 mg and smoked a blunt at someone's house I'm comfortable with. (I was with a lot of people that were straight edge)

The main thing bothering me is the last time we blacked out. By this time I had a shotgun (in my car trunk) and I took around 12 mg but my dealer roommate says I didn't pop them all at once. Some of you may think if I didn't feel it anally, nothing happened. But how can you be sure I wasn't forced to commit oral sex if someone had a gun or something? Part of me thinks I could've ran away, I'm a lot faster and I'm not a lightweight I weigh 165. Another part of me says I've would've rather died, or suffer horribly, but the fact that I could really never know, or don't have the resources to know, is tearing my soul into pieces.

My desperate question, could taking 18mg 12mg over the course of the night incapacitate a human?


reasons for why all of the above happened.



(before moving with roommate incident) I've had a bi friend who I blacked out with and one night I woke up to discover he sucked my dick when I was passed out on his bed. Years later, I insult him on his bi sexual orientation and he then texted me this poem about how I sucked his dick and he put it in me. I was traumatized. For months I was psychologically tortured like now, but he finally sent me pics on what happened that night.. He took pics of him sucking me off, while I was out cold.

I calmed down after this, but it was too late, as fears set in on another incident. The day I got a DUI barred out on Xanax in April when 18, (if you don't believe me you can pm and Ill show you mugshot) I had no recollection of what happened that night other than my friend slamming the door to get out of the car, police sirens, and me pissing. But more fears set in as I just recently discovered a year after the incident, I discovered they took me to a hospital to get checked out. This freaked me out and I wanted to know the doctors face, or meet him in person. It wasn't until I moved to Tallahassee and blacked out 3 more times, until I came up with the idea to google his picture, and vua la, a very professional looking man, and Hispanic like me (which kind of freaked me out at first).

But by this time, I already created insecurity for blacking out with my drug dealing friend, and my insecurities about the doctor and police who babied me led to these insecurities.

Anyways

More of my hallucinations/psychosis in my semester at Florida State University, and the year before in Orlando, Valencia College include

1)when I was on 2 grams of shrooms 5 bud light platinum, and some shots of bacardi at a party in Orlando (before roommate) and when we were watching t.v I thought someone captured my soul and digitalized it on t.v. It was a war movie with a bunch of extras running around and one of them turned into me. I then went crazy, heard voices of my enemies, thought I was being recorded so I ended up causing drama and got half beaten by the police after they kicked me out. I thought they were gonna take me to guantanamo bay, so I had 5 cops on me, and I was pushing all the weight on my head screaming my sisters name, ready to die. They then tased my ass, which I didn't recall happening until an hour later at the hospital. (looked like Jesus after his scourge when I saw myself in the mirror at the psyc ward). For a few months after this I had a weird condition where my memory was split in two. for 1-2 months the memory was me in a house with a blue screen on. I guess blue screen of death occurred in brain CPU? I snapped out of this when I realized sheriffs only have blue lights that can blind you. BLUELIGHER

2)An Ed Harvy style heart, above my closet formed (I was on shrooms) that thumped and bled "Love Kills" under it.

3)The worst of them all, which I haven't mentioned was I believe the day after I took like 5 Adderall. I was in my room relaxing and I see a tiny toy soldier, made from what seemed to be from flabbergasting technology. He was shooting me with a raygun, and soon settled on the ground taking the form of a mini clothes hanger I have no idea what its used for. It had a penis that excreted out to me. (this is before I saw my drug dealers ghost) You might not believe me, but at first I attempted to place the mini hanger in a bag, it surreally popped through the other side of a bag. There was a literal hole in the bag. I later learned its some weird electrical charges that caused it. But before that I ended up boiling the damn thing and was scared shitless to touch it for weeks.

(4)Last summer, (before roommate incident) I took PCP in pill form, and was listening to rolling stones. Before you knew it I got so high and I felt like I was turning into a werewolf, forgetting to breath etc. Bullshit aside, I was in my room on the computer and suddenly all the wires start stabbing me like some matrix shit. Then I was rubbing my fingers, that were greasy cause I was sitting on someone's oily driveway, and it starts turning into blood. Before you know it my knife that was next to me, unsheathed itself and started cutting me, I then experienced my most surreal experience, me going back and forth in time, cutting myself, stitching me self up, and vice versa. I finally lay on my bed and fully healed the perception of my body.

5)When driving to Tallahassee one day I saw what seemed to be concentration camps, some sort of factory civilization. Its a 8 hour trip but I saw some spooky things. The image that stands out the most and I saw repeatedly, was libraries with basketball courts in them, and dormitories beyond the moons horizon.

6)My last hallucination is the one that touches my heart the most. When driving to Pensacola after I heard the voice of my sister in my head in my apartment and decided to go for a long drive (on 1 Adderall), I saw a dove, flying in the air, but it was different. It glimmered and reminded me Ho-oh from pokemon. So surreal. So divine.

Hope you guys enjoyed hearing about my experiences. Anyone have any similar experiences?
 
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I didn't know rats can talk? That must be VERY annoying!!!!!
FYI- read forum rules no use of third person, EVERYONE knows you're talking about yourself and this will NOT protect you in any way.
If change this to say you instead of 'rat' if you want a true answer and before mods close this thread. Good luck!
Ps- I stopped reading after the first sentence because it just sounded dumb as your 'rat'
 
/\ agreed..please go back and change all the places you put rat to "I". It is against the rules and nobody will bother to read it. I have no idea why you said your rat now when in the last post you stated your story like a normal human being. If you would like some advice fix your post..a lot of people have no patience for this. Also, you already have 16 posts, haven't you noticed that no one else here does that?

*edit*
Ok, I struggled through this post and dear, are you high right now?

I strongly suggest that you call your family and give all of your weapons to them. Explain to them what you are writing here. STOP doing any drugs and seek psychiatric help. I'm not being mean but you need to talk to someone. This is not normal and it sounds like there is a good chance you might be a danger to yourself and to others. If what you talked about above is truly happening to you why in the world are you still living in a place where you fear for your life and feel that you maybe being sexually assaulted? Do NOT do anymore drugs...you need to be clear headed and see how you feel about things then.

Good luck.
 
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Damn, 18mg!
It is very likely that you blacked out on that dose, and god knows if they did anything to you while you were "asleep".
Rats can join bluelight now.
Seriously correct your text.
 
No more xanex or adderall! Benzos and firearms don't mix.

Get somewhere safe, and listen to MissMeYet and talk to your doc about this.
 
/\ agreed..please go back and change all the places you put rat to "I". It is against the rules and nobody will bother to read it. I have no idea why you said your rat now when in the last post you stated your story like a normal human being. If you would like some advice fix your post..a lot of people have no patience for this. Also, you already have 16 posts, haven't you noticed that no one else here does that?

*edit*
Ok, I struggled through this post and dear, are you high right now?

I strongly suggest that you call your family and give all of your weapons to them. Explain to them what you are writing here. STOP doing any drugs and seek psychiatric help. I'm not being mean but you need to talk to someone. This is not normal and it sounds like there is a good chance you might be a danger to yourself and to others. If what you talked about above is truly happening to you why in the world are you still living in a place where you fear for your life and feel that you maybe being sexually assaulted? Do NOT do anymore drugs...you need to be clear headed and see how you feel about things then.

Good luck.
reasons for why all of the above happened.



(before moving with roommate incident) I've had a bi friend who I blacked out with and one night I woke up to discover he sucked my dick when I was passed out on his bed. Years later, I insult him on his bi sexual orientation and he then texted me this poem about how I sucked his dick and he put it in me. I was traumatized. For months I was psychologically tortured like now, but he finally sent me pics on what happened that night.. He took pics of him sucking me off, while I was out cold.

I calmed down after this, but it was too late, as fears set in on another incident. The day I got a DUI barred out on Xanax in April when 18, (if you don't believe me you can pm and Ill show you mugshot) I had no recollection of what happened that night other than my friend slamming the door to get out of the car, police sirens, and me pissing. But more fears set in as I just recently discovered a year after the incident, I discovered they took me to a hospital to get checked out. This freaked me out and I wanted to know the doctors face, or meet him in person. It wasn't until I moved to Tallahassee and blacked out 3 more times, until I came up with the idea to google his picture, and vua la, a very professional looking man, and Hispanic like me (which kind of freaked me out at first).

But by this time, I already created insecurity for blacking out with my drug dealing friend, and my insecurities about the doctor and police who babied me led to these insecurities.

Anyways

More of my hallucinations/psychosis in my semester at Florida State University, and the year before in Orlando, Valencia College include

1)when I was on 2 grams of shrooms 5 bud light platinum, and some shots of bacardi at a party in Orlando (before roommate) and when we were watching t.v I thought someone captured my soul and digitalized it on t.v. It was a war movie with a bunch of extras running around and one of them turned into me. I then went crazy, heard voices of my enemies, thought I was being recorded so I ended up causing drama and got half beaten by the police after they kicked me out. I thought they were gonna take me to guantanamo bay, so I had 5 cops on me, and I was pushing all the weight on my head screaming my sisters name, ready to die. They then tased my ass, which I didn't recall happening until an hour later at the hospital. (looked like Jesus after his scourge when I saw myself in the mirror at the psyc ward). For a few months after this I had a weird condition where my memory was split in two. for 1-2 months the memory was me in a house with a blue screen on. I guess blue screen of death occurred in brain CPU? I snapped out of this when I realized sheriffs only have blue lights that can blind you. BLUELIGHER

2)An Ed Harvy style heart, above my closet formed (I was on shrooms) that thumped and bled "Love Kills" under it.

3)The worst of them all, which I haven't mentioned was I believe the day after I took like 5 Adderall. I was in my room relaxing and I see a tiny toy soldier, made from what seemed to be from flabbergasting technology. He was shooting me with a raygun, and soon settled on the ground taking the form of a mini clothes hanger I have no idea what its used for. It had a penis that excreted out to me. (this is before I saw my drug dealers ghost) You might not believe me, but at first I attempted to place the mini hanger in a bag, it surreally popped through the other side of a bag. There was a literal hole in the bag. I later learned its some weird electrical charges that caused it. But before that I ended up boiling the damn thing and was scared shitless to touch it for weeks.

(4)Last summer, (before roommate incident) I took PCP in pill form, and was listening to rolling stones. Before you knew it I got so high and I felt like I was turning into a werewolf, forgetting to breath etc. Bullshit aside, I was in my room on the computer and suddenly all the wires start stabbing me like some matrix shit. Then I was rubbing my fingers, that were greasy cause I was sitting on someone's oily driveway, and it starts turning into blood. Before you know it my knife that was next to me, unsheathed itself and started cutting me, I then experienced my most surreal experience, me going back and forth in time, cutting myself, stitching me self up, and vice versa. I finally lay on my bed and fully healed the perception of my body.

5)When driving to Tallahassee one day I saw what seemed to be concentration camps, some sort of factory civilization. Its a 8 hour trip but I saw some spooky things. The image that stands out the most and I saw repeatedly, was libraries with basketball courts in them, and dormitories beyond the moons horizon.

6)My last hallucination is the one that touches my heart the most. When driving to Pensacola after I heard the voice of my sister in my head in my apartment and decided to go for a long drive (on 1 Adderall), I saw a dove, flying in the air, but it was different. It glimmered and reminded me Ho-oh from pokemon. So surreal. So divine.

Hope you guys enjoyed hearing about my experiences. Anyone have any similar experiences?
 
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I'm just gonna say it, you're a fukin rambling mess. I'm not judging, been there, between drugs, the company we keep, and the mental health issues you obviously have. YOU NEED HELP....NOW!!! Like today, seek treatment, go to whatever agency you need to go to today. Detox, rehab, and psychiatric treatment are a must for you right now imho. Good luck.
 
Yesterday I took 4 Adderall to mimic effects of before. I ended up seeing angels.

Hey

I would first like to say thanks
Thanks for being yourself, and being honest about your condition
We can only imagine what is going through your mind right now, because of that you have people worried
your friends, your family and possibly even people on this board

My sister, who is always acting in a psychotic manner because she keeps refusing to take her pills until I force her to, has attempted a few extremely dangerous acts
when I asked her why she replied "god kept pushing me and pushing me"
I asked her if she still feels the presence of the voices, or anything, to which she said no
That was after she ended up in mental institution, closed to the outside world, daily blood tests, violent male nurses (most who have done a service in the army...) and believe me, you do not need that

The world is harsh, it's cold, I get you wanting to manipulate and shape a reality, by trying to mimic a past event that made you feel incredible, wanting to re live the past is something no one should be ashamed at, but you're doing it in the most destructive way possible...
It sounds like you're not even aware of the damage, that's what's so bad...
You can't keep numbing yourself to feelings with drugs, that's never going to be a long term solution
eventually those feelings will force themselves in, if you know enough on how to go without them
PLEASE listen to yourself, you took 3 amps just to mimic a feel? Universities give you an F if they just catch you on it during exams and you just took those to get a failed high...

See someone. For your own good and safety and that of others, your owe yourself a chance
 
This is blog material.

Yes, taking 12 to 14mg of xanax can incapacitate someone. Much less can cause people to black out. Benzos are pretty strong amnesic drugs.

If you think people are taking advantage of you or doing things you don't like while you are blacked out, don't take so much Xanax.

If you think you have been raped, under any circumstances, drugged or not, then go to the police.

It also sounds like you may be just a little bit paranoid and not thinking clearly from taking too much amphetamine. (That doesn't change the fact you may have been sexually assaulted.)

End of thread.
 
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