nephil
Bluelighter
I lie down, begin to feel the sleep consume me
I shut out the light, feel utter relaxation, knowing its gonna be a good one.
Sleep takes over, then, before I know it, it is time to begin yet another day.
But this day is different, I immediately sense that it is not like the rest. My
eyes are refusing to open, head is heavy, mouth is crying for liquid. Then suddenly a terrifying feeling sweeps through my body. An evil rush of heat that has not been felt before.
I rise up, walk to the sink, glance at the reflection staring back at me. Who are you? Where did you come from? What is wrong with your eyes?
Staring at myself, I see a reflection looking back that does not appear to be me. Eyes practically closed from puffiness. Swollen face and fingers...wtf is going on, what is wrong with me?
I begin my normal routine, brush the teeth, start the coffee, with hopes that it is just the morning haze that will soon fade away.
An hour passes, nothing's changed. I could just as easily have stayed in bed. I can't look in the mirror.
I can't think
I can't speak to anyone, I don't want anyone to see me. How can I make anyone smile today if I can't find my own smile?
My thoughts have become a cloudy mess. Everything I had planned for today has now been erased. What is left are subtle hints of the tasks yet to be completed. Each one being pushed further and further back.
Nothing is working. Not water, not food, not music, not even my run...
I can't understand what is going on. I can't comprehend why, suddenly I feel as if my head has been buried, suffocated, and what is left this physical mess to question its agony. I know it is not just physical, there's something else.
With each glimpse in the mirror, I want nothing more than to crawl back into my cave of a bed and hide from it all, hide from myself, hide from this unfamiliar feeling consuming my body and my mind...WTF
[ 24 July 2002: Message edited by: nephil ]
[ 24 July 2002: Message edited by: nephil ]
I shut out the light, feel utter relaxation, knowing its gonna be a good one.
Sleep takes over, then, before I know it, it is time to begin yet another day.
But this day is different, I immediately sense that it is not like the rest. My
eyes are refusing to open, head is heavy, mouth is crying for liquid. Then suddenly a terrifying feeling sweeps through my body. An evil rush of heat that has not been felt before.
I rise up, walk to the sink, glance at the reflection staring back at me. Who are you? Where did you come from? What is wrong with your eyes?
Staring at myself, I see a reflection looking back that does not appear to be me. Eyes practically closed from puffiness. Swollen face and fingers...wtf is going on, what is wrong with me?
I begin my normal routine, brush the teeth, start the coffee, with hopes that it is just the morning haze that will soon fade away.
An hour passes, nothing's changed. I could just as easily have stayed in bed. I can't look in the mirror.
I can't think
I can't speak to anyone, I don't want anyone to see me. How can I make anyone smile today if I can't find my own smile?
My thoughts have become a cloudy mess. Everything I had planned for today has now been erased. What is left are subtle hints of the tasks yet to be completed. Each one being pushed further and further back.
Nothing is working. Not water, not food, not music, not even my run...
I can't understand what is going on. I can't comprehend why, suddenly I feel as if my head has been buried, suffocated, and what is left this physical mess to question its agony. I know it is not just physical, there's something else.
With each glimpse in the mirror, I want nothing more than to crawl back into my cave of a bed and hide from it all, hide from myself, hide from this unfamiliar feeling consuming my body and my mind...WTF
[ 24 July 2002: Message edited by: nephil ]
[ 24 July 2002: Message edited by: nephil ]
I can really relate to this, Unfortanately it all rings True far more than I care to Think about..
