WTF am i doing?

Crushing up these kadians i think i am slipping into madness or just a real bad addiction. These little fucking beads that piss me off so much . But these little beads bring so much pleasure too. I throw a clonidine pill in (do not do this!) to bump the shot up alot and the pleasure washes over me. Nothing matters. It does not matter that i have to go out in the fridget cold to get smokes, that my g/f is going to be majorly pissed about me taking my shot so early and i don't care that my arms look like shit cause im shooting 6 or more times a day. Fuckit all.

I swore id never get this bad but hey i only promised that to myself. I barely even care that im doing crack with my shots of morphine and dilly to get higher. How did i get this bad? who gives a fuck honestly.

Flash foreward over a month later and im clean of every opiate except codeine. I don't intend to stay that way because i need morphine for pain. Though the cannabis is doin a good job i gotta say. Maybe i could get marinol and fuck the morphine. Ive pretty much done it all and had my fun so i don't care much about it usually.

Such is the life of a fucked up junkie

 

The needle itself can be a real bad addiction. And some of those pills are pretty harsh on your veins... I know morphine sulfate can be a bitch to prepare. What will happen when the veins in your arms disappear? Will you stop then, or just find somewhere else to shoot? I think you need to try to slow this down before it gets real bad. I know a guy who now shoots into his neck, or even his dick, cos his arm and and leg veins are fucked. Please take care!

 

Paranoid android, have you already relapsed on cigarettes?( you write about going out to buy smokes) If so it is once more amazing how many people I know who can´t and can´t quit..... How many smokes you need a day if you don´t mind me asking...

Regards from Austria sends downward spiral