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Writing Challenge: write a sixty second poem (or prose)

onetwothreefour

onetwothreefour

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Oct 13, 2002
Messages
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Location
Melbourne, Australia
write a 60 second poem (or prose): hide and seek

just an interesting little experiment: i hadn't posted anything here for a while (been writing, but nothing to share), so i decided to sit down and type. wrote this in about sixty seconds, and haven't (and won't) edit it.

obviously, feel free to comment both positively and negatively, but what i'm more interested in is seeing others do the same. i found it a strange kind of experience to just grab something straight from my brain without any sort of theme, structure or censorship at all. pretty cliched piece, to be totally honest, but i think it's interesting.

so i cleaned the dishes, again, didn't i?
it's okay, i didn't notice
until they were finished
stacked high to infinity
like dominos paling in the late evening's
final sun

i'm here if someone looks
but you might not spot the difference

so i worked today, did i?
it's okay, i didn't notice
nor did you, something
that i have to get used to
or else go mad, shaking, too much of me here:
i should close my eyes

i'm not here if nobody looks
and i might not spot the difference

so i poured my heart into you, didn't i?
it's okay, you didn't notice
that i'd even spoken
which i'm used to, and you know
one day i might even stop trying, but not yet
no end in sight

i'm not here
and no one will look
and no one will care
to spot
any
difference.
 
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Thats really cool ... i like the structure.

Very reminiscent of the spot the difference pictures. Its kind of like their is a whole deeper issue .. and its all being covered or hidden.

Good thread idea, i might try a random 60sec write soon :)
 
^^^ just read this through for the first time (and ooh, there's a lot i want to change), but effectively i think you're right: the spot the difference thing is that. what do people notice on first glance; what do they notice when they *really* look?

and are some people really capable of seeing it at all? whose fault is it, if it's anyone's at all?

and YOU MUST DO THE 60 SECOND THING. i'm comin' up with cool activities and shit, it must succeed :D;)

(thanks for the comments :)).
 
btw: MODS, could you please change the title of this to "write a 60 second poem (or prose): hide and seek" purty please; try to encourage other people to experiment with their brain. it might not be the best material, but it could turn out to be very intriguing, i think.

anyone else have thoughts on the idea of this?
 
wonderful idea. yours was put together well.

I try to be vile and enigmatic.
I like to fritter away money
as my everlasting despair.
I feel I am not to blame for
such distasteful acts of
debauchery.
No, not me.
I would adorn this
criminality
atop
the heads
of
Gods and monsters.
Though I feel it will
never end.

eh, thhhpp crapola.
 
Cool idea Brad :)

I'm feeling a bit sentimental and "crazy hormonal pregnant woman" this morning, so you'll have to excuse me.

It seems like such a long time has passed
since I could cradle you in the crook of my neck and listen to your sweet baby bleating
and be awed by the way your skin always smelled just like warm milk
and your little hands curled around my fingers just so
- you didn't even know how you broke my heart with love.
Sometimes I miss the way you woke up in the night and sobbed teeny tiny tears into your pillow
because it allowed me an excuse to bundle you into bed with me
and watch the gentle rise and fall of your soft belly and your eyelashes flickering against your cheek mid-dream.
And how about the way we could wrap you tightly in pink blankets and
you just looked out from underneath heavy eyelids and tried to work out who we were
and why we kept coming in to check on you when all you were trying to do was nap!
Sorry about that.

It seems like such a long time ago
but while I'm sitting in the dark and the rain and watching you sleep with your soft mouth open and your eyelashes flickering
you can still be my tiny, warm, sweet baby
for just a minute;
or a little bit longer than that.
 
1234 - Love the way that reads.
Just to note, any piece ive ever posted here has been written this way. Only time i ever write short pieces is when im on here, I sit down and write what comes into my head. I dont think ive posted any pieces that took longer than 2 or 3 mins to write. I never edit them either.
I find its a good to way empty my thoughts at times.

When something is written this way , it always tends to be very honest and that shows in your writing.

Also, I think generally when you write something like this you may not have one main idea/topic, even if their appears to be. At times you see other bits thrown in here and there, leaving it open for readers to make of it what they like even though can see what your the general theme of your piece may be.
I guess we can all always find something in our lives that can relate to any piece of writing.
 
To reminence over backward visions
Moments of beloved happiness
Moments of excruciating pain

THe music plays
the emotion comes and goes
Substitution for the real emotion
But the only realy emotion gained is pain

Pain of the real emotion missing
Tirades of words run through your ears
but the emotion is clearer than any other

Floating in and out
moments of human interaction
Which factor caused what to happen
what caused what to go wrong

Believing in real understanding,
accepting that a half truth will do,
painfully wrong.

Admittance of reality,
superficially glossed with worry,
the underlying truth ...hurtfully obvious,
yet unspoken.


confusing mess
 
I don't think this was quite a minute, but I went a little stream-of-consciousness:


Juxtaposed, now condecend
my effortless streams of willows
I broke a limb just to begin
and struck those noble fellows

My hand is mean and truth it brings
out into the sunny days of this icy winter storm.
I'm broken now, without thread with which to mend,
or water to bathe or drown in

and she ate the soap
such a dirty mouth, rain brings
a calming feeling,

granted, my prehistory is dragging me down
to dumpsters of broken dreams
and empty nightmares spiked with
questions that slice at ajna and yell
for me to crawl to Malchut
to structure the fluid that flows
out of the eternal conduit,

liquid eyes and faceless scorns
rollercoaster of a spiral
dance in dead leaves, dear, let me breath,
my eyes are red and I'm
so damned tired.

Doves and crows in combat
yeild to the eagle and
my feet still drag behind
as I hold secrets in the
bags beneath my eyes,

whippersnapper.
 
Havent got out of sigmas lately, anticipation's been harsh.
Can't keep my eyes on this shit no longer, this is seriously
getting me. Plus after minus - mohr's circle is closing, just
a few more interstices. The twisted stresses on faces of
a silly square. Here kitty kitty kitty. Differential element
as a devoted pet. Walk on the leash and don't bite the damn ankles


heres mine - 1 min+-


skjalff
 
this is actually how i write all my poetry, usually :)

here

smoke
ravaged by disease
was like an addict

four rocks
three tables
two chairs
fifteen hours
sixteen
cancerous

black pitch
was shifting his consciousness
around but it had retarded
 
blind cavernous man
was walking like a splinter on a ladder
was getting cold
climbing everlong to reach bottom

his body --
horizontalized by his brain.

his brain --
marginalized by his memories.

his memories --
forgotten by his attitude.

this ladder is leaning up against the side
of a house
which is leaning up against the side
of the earth
which is leaning up against the side
of the sun

leaning up against the sun
is like
a sperm finding the egg

(okay that took a bit longer, i think...i got carried away :p)
 
:D

here on the moon
we sparke and bounce
now does it weigh a gram
or does it weigh an ounce?

here on the earth
our feet bound in lead
we think that were living
our souls say were dead

the answer does it lie
with insects and bugs
or in experimentation
with all kind of drugs?

about 1 minute 10 - (only cos the ideas have been in my head for a bit - i cant really rhyme that fast)
 
you're lonely and desperate
Yet you don't do anything about it
Is this your fate?
Or are you just a demented fuck?

Stop being inside my head
But you can't live without me
then I'd rather be dead
I will suceed then

You're still here
Don't have the guts to go through with it?
That's right, death is your fear
You want me, need me

Enough I said!
No you can't get away
My debts have been paid
No, but you can't, noooo
 
I think they're all fantastic. :)

oh here goes:

Lonely
four walls closing in
my sanity on edge
abandoned by others
Forgotten

Pain
uncontrollable tears
stained face
shattered heart
Depressed

Anger
balled up fist
tempers raging
loud screams
Hatred

Crime
more drugs
killing innocents
over run by gangs
Grieving

hmm... kind of like a domino effect.. like with every emotion there is an action leading into something more...
 
Pills in the morning
pills in the night
giving me such nightmares
My soul so full of fright

What good can come of it
all of this agony and pain?
with everything to loose
and nothing to gain

I surrender and lay here, hoping to win
soaking within the waves of pain
wondering if somehow
I am paying for some sin
 
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