****,
this is the hardest thing i have ever had to do. we are polar opposites, but so very similar, its probably both a big cause of our ploblems, and our saviour. but why if its so right, is it so damn hard. i dont want to give up on us, but you make it really difficult to keep focused. i love you, but i dont know if we're in love. you have hurt me with your acid tongue, and i some things haunt me daily. im trying to be strong and deal with it all, but im falling apart and that youre never there to help pick me up hurts me even more. why must this whole love thing make me so sad? maybe im kidding myself, maybe im deluded, maybe we're both just scared of being alone. but maybe it could be real love and our stupid hangups are whats preventing us from growing. i feel we are losing what little we ever had of each other, and that tears me apart. so many past regrets, i dont want any regrets here. if we crumble, i want to say honestly that it wasnt meant to be, but we gave ourselves a running chance. my whole life has been about closing ppl off and feeling no sense of attatchment, knowing full well many fond memories could have been had.
but i cant go on like this - i cant wait for you to come around forever, i just cant anymore. so whatever happens in the very near future when we try to sort this mess out, i thankyou for what you have given me. maybe it could have anyone else to open me to the possibility of love, but i think that it could only have been you. even if we dont get there together, unknowingly you have given me the greatest gift of all, hope.
i hope for us and for you this time it has been worth it, and love is enough.
*****