Dear JB
It's amazing how quickly I got over you, the only thing I regret is spending over two years on your sorry ass. Thanks for giving me my life back, now I can enjoy so many things I was unable to you with you hanging onto me (my friends and decent orgasms being the first two).
As for all the girls you cheated with, I feel so sorry for them, really I do, it's truly tragic that someone else had to suffer your sub-par performance doing the horizontal dance, and I can only help they get over this in time with help from numerous trained professionals.
When I get my last £100 off you, I'm going to put half of it in my ink fund and blow the rest on K, and have the best few nights of my life with my friends.
Oh and the tests at the hospital (again thank you so much for being responsible enough to NEVER USE PROTECTION!) came back clean weeks ago, I'm just dragging it out - I figure you cheat on me with 5 girls and finish our 2 year relationship over text, I'm allowed to be a bitch.
I feel nothing but pity for you now, cos love, carry on behaving in this abhorrent matter and you'll end up sad and alone before you reach your 25th birthday...
All the best babes! x