You,
All I have ever wanted is for you to be happy. For anyone to be happy actually. But lately, I really want to be happy myself for once. And the only way I can achieve my happiness is with you. I understand you have a girlfriend. I understand I fucked up by letting you go in the beginning. I just wish I could start over, things would be so different. You make me so happy whenever I am around you. Just a simple hug is the highlight of my entire day. I get up in the morning just to know that I will be able to be in your grasp for five seconds every day. I don't understand how things became like this. I used to be able to tell you everything, and now I feel like you don't even want to listen. I feel like I should distance myself from you, just for you to know how it feels without me again. It's almost like you take the fact that I will always be there for granted. What if I disappeared one day. Just poof, I'm gone. I wonder if you would even miss me. There are days when you are all I think about, and there are days when you are the last thing on my mind. I'm in some kind of mindfuck right now that i can't seem to get out of. I sit in my closet and put razors to my wrists every night thinking of how wrong my situation is. I haven't been hurt like this before, not this bad. I have never allowed myself to get so close to anyone like I have you. I took the biggest chance of my life, and I got stomped all over. I trusted you, and I still somewhat do. But the trust is deteriorating. I can't even have a normal converstation with you. We're supposed to be 'friends'. But we can't even TALK! I can't stop missing you, and I can't stop wanting things to be the way they used to be. I just have to forget about everything, and it's so hard. I can't write anymore, i'm going to cry.
Goodbye,
Me