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Traumanurse

Traumanurse

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 10, 2013
Messages
1
A Hero’s Unwelcome
With my recent medical retirement from the US Army anticipation for the future was high. Being an accomplished Registered Nurse (RN) prior to joining the Army in 2008 and wanting to do Combat Arms all my intentions to provide America my civic duty while I still can filled my mind and heart. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect what was to unfold after February 19, 2013.
I was completely prepared for my early retirement, my spouse moved ahead with her new job in Montgomery Alabama in July 2012. A new city for us both, I enrolled my youngest son in High School and visited frequently until my discharge date on February 19, 2013.
With a complex new medical history resulting from injuries sustain from Operation Enduring Freedom (OEF) 09-10 and my three months’ worth of medications except for my pain medication which was only 15 day supply I traveled from a Military Base in the Midwest to my new home in Alabama. My spouse worked and relentlessly made phone calls to set up an appointment to have me seen by a Pain Management Physician. I took Military Physicians nearly two years while I was in the Wounded Warrior Battalion to get my medications to where I could function. For the longest time I would not leave my home, with Post Traumatic stress Disorder (PTSD) and the large surgery performed on my back as resulting from two sustained IED blasts (Improvised Explosive Devises) on my vehicle.
It goes without saying that civilian Physicians do not understand the complexity of Soldiers injuries at times, some don’t even want to. Whether it is due to beliefs, the dislike of the Military or disbelief of a Solders symptoms none benefit the Wounded Warrior. My first appointment with a VA (Veterans Affairs) Physician will not be until the end of May 2013. So as far for getting proper care from someone who has the knowledge to treat poly complex trauma will be a long time off. Meanwhile I have seen three Physicians one of them twice. The physician who I seen twice (pain management) discontinued the pain medication that I have been on for two years, and gave me a new pain medication one/tenth the strength of what I was previously using. This appointment was two weeks after I was out of my previous medication I was in withdrawal for six days. Second visit I received injections in my neck for injuries there which help greatly. I discussed my medication issue again with him, without discussing it with me face to face on his course of action he did what most physician do. Leave the room to write a prescription for a medication that he knows will not help but does not care because of his convictions. I did not pick the prescription, just left it at the desk. My visit with a internal medicine physician was the same, his excuse was that he was afraid the Medicare was investigating his practice of writing controlled medication. Funny I am not a Medicare patient, I have insurance. Lastly my visit with the Neurosurgeon went well as he is operating on my neck next week, he gave me some medication for the pain which does not help but helps some with withdrawal symptoms.
I did not ask for these injuries, which I am not going to list here. I was well taken care of by the US Army physician and the pain management physician in Wichita Kansas who has dealings with soldiers. But to go through now the embarrassment of having to justify myself to civilian physicians several times and the wait to see a physician who will hopefully resume care that I previously was on is extremely difficult My spouse is a strong woman who has been through a lot seeing me through was, surgery’s, Impatient treatment for PTSD, loss of my memory from Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) now she is holding on by a string.
Society is so quick to say “thank you for your service” when they see you in uniform. But once you’re out of the service it’s a different story.

Sgt Steven Prieur RN
(retired)
 
I am sorry to hear about your struggles with p.m. Dr.s...like so many other realities on the planet - it ain't supposed to be that way, Bro. However, that isn't any consolation or help. You really need some viable assistance.


This might be a crazy idea, but, then again, it might help. Sounds like you need pain relief and your issues aren't associated with opiate euphoria. I've been addicted to opiates since the 60's. I found a Dr. who put me on Bupe maintenance - once established, I had some legit pain issues and the Dr. had NO problem prescribing serious opiates for the pain because he knew I couldn't feel the euphoric effects - he also knew his [prescribing] action(s) wouldn't be scrutinized as closely as I couldn't possibly be seeking opiates for "pleasure". [on the correct blocking dose of Bupe (or Methadone) you have very limited{if any} euphoric experience]

Pain issues were resolved and the Dr.'s actions were (mostly) protected under the umbrella of the maintenance program.

I know this isn't much and I have no intent to minimize or misperceive your situation...you have my complete support.
 
Another wounded warrior's experience

Thank you for sharing your story. I am also a wounded warrior with a TBI. I self medicate because I am working with a VA doctor that doesn't seem to want to do anything but treat me with anti-psychotics. He is a new doctor, and my previous one worked well with me to get me on a medication regiment in which I did not feel the need to self-medicate in order to be functional with a good quality of life.

I'm tip-toeing on a a dangerous DMZ with my self-medication, and despite my grievances to the doctor, I am not being treated the way I wish to receive treatment. He believes me to be drug seeking, when I know well what meds work and what don't. There has been some progress though, discovering the neuroprotective potential of typical anti-psychotics in relieving stimulant psychotic episodes (which sometimes occur due to lack of a regular source).

I got my face caved in when I was 20, only a few months after I enlisted, but was on leave and medical records weren't what they are now. There was no follow up treatment for me. Tricare may have known of the payout to the ER I was treated at, but medical records were unavailable (and claiming-ly non-existent) by the NPRC in a recent request for my own personal research.

I'm no doctor, just a professional former aircraft mechanic, but I know I suffered retrograde amnesia following the event. 13 years to the present and I suffer flashbacks and panic attacks. The panic attacks are well controlled mainly by lifestyle changes and some prescribed benzodiazepine use, but the neurocognitive deficits I experience are dysphoria and anhedonia (associated with prescribed anti-psychotic medication), lethargy, excessive tiredness, low-motivation, and a depression as a result of all these symptoms.

So I self medicate using amphetamines, because they bring me to a level where I can be functional in my daily tasks such as personal hygiene, self-care (feeding myself, using the restroom), taking care of the house and pets, maintaining my property, writing posts to further my research, along many other tasks I am no longer able to complete (and cannot think of at the moment) without the use of regular, sustained use of unprescribed amphetamines. Yes, I am addicted to them. Yes, I am addicted to how they benefit my quality of life, as there are few side effects. Sometimes I have to go through withdrawal, to which I prepare myself accordingly using the resources available.

I have recently began experimenting with nootropics. I take Phenylpiracetam and it helps with the amphetamine withdrawl, and enhances it's effects so long as I manage it insightfully. Noopept is another I have taken in combination, also sunifiram, and prolintane. More recently, I've become interested in research chemicals, but I am not a doctor or psychopharmacologist, so I rely on forums like these heavily for harm-reduction. I'm beginning to lean toward the RC side of substance use for self-medication purposes. I find some RCs more than just stimulating and pain relieving, but also calmingly therapeutic in my practice of guided meditation and developing motivation to perform daily required tasks. I understand that this is "dependence forming" in the eyes of many, but I don't want to hear nor will buy in to any addiction discussion because this is what I'm doing and I have little impulse control when it comes to it (mainly as a result of my TBI, I assume). I also take prescribed medications regularly, so I'm also "addicted" to those medications. I would suffer heavy, serious, and dangerous withdrawal from anti-psychotics if I stopped taking them. As far as my insight into research chemicals go, they're getting harder to acquire with any legitimacy, and that is very dangerous, because I will go to great lengths to obtain and use them (I do practice allergy tests). But one of these days I'm bound to run in to crap that I will refuse to take holding the position of a "withdrawal" option over potential medical harm. I'm good about not crossing that line. I'm otherwise healthy and fit, and I don't want that to change.

I'm not going to say what RC's have worked best for me, but they have worked well in my experience thus far. They increase my ability to perform daily routine tasks to a sustainable level, and seem to be a suitable replacement for non-prescribed amphetamines. Fewer side effects. Increasingly difficult to obtain, thanks to the emergency scheduling procedures by the FDA and DEA, as well as idiots who don't do allergy tests. I have no idea how to explain this all to my doctor, and personally I don't think he's a very good one from the way he's presented himself in the direction of my medical care. I feel as if he's one of those "drug 'em up and sit him in the corner so he won't bother anyone" doctors who has to work within a new and constrictive VA budget. My patience has run thin, and asking for a new doctor may be the best option at this point.
I am making a lot of different points by posting this.

One: TBI symptoms can be treated with schedule 1 substances (I am a living example).
Two: (and I forgot to mention this) My condition is comorbid with another axis 1 psychiatric diagnosis;
Three: The powers that be (DEA, FDA) are effectively producing a dangerous scenario for people who use substances as a result of their incompetent medical care; and
Four: The VA, nor any organized medical care program, is not perfect, and must work to improve greater patient-doctor relationships in preventing dangerous and illicit substance use.

I'd like to hear your thoughts, that is, if anyone cares to read all this crap I've written.

-A Proud Veteran Who Has Faith In Our Nation
 
Welcome to bluelight, the both of you. I'd highly suggest checking out our Pain Management Mega Thread, should you not have stumbled onto it already. Mental Health may also be a beneficial section to look into.

If you need any direction around the forums, or have questions about how the software functions, feel free to use the PM me link in my signature below, or post back here.
 
I'm also new to Blue light...and a combat vet, my last deployment was Operation UN Shield, my first was during Desert Shield. My USMC MOS was 0326 so those of you who know know that I can't talk about much in between those two campaigns. I like to say I have no PTSD issues but the truth is I do. Had real issues readjusting when I got home and for some reason lately I've been really thinking a lot...too much. Been self medicating for a long time, tried many different drugs. Have no love for the VA, my dad died in a VA, he was Navy, both of my brothers are Marines, my oldest a Vietnam vet, the VA didn't help either of them so it just wasn't an option for me. I was wounded twice by small arms fire but nothing that kept me from doing my job. In 2002 I was in a bad snowmobile accident and was prescribed painkillers for my shattered right leg that required a week in the hospital and 6 hours surgery to put back together. I finally found a drug that took away all the bad thoughts and it worked good on the pain as well. In the years that followed it became increasingly harder to get prescriptions so ironically I turned to an Army supply Sgt. I knew from when I was in the Corps who was still on active duty who I knew had access to many different items...including getting me Class A fireworks for parties...lol. Started using heroin on a daily basis, started out just a bag in the morning and one after work, quickly moved up to a bundle a day and more. I started buying fingers at a time, selling it to pay for my habit because I couldn't function at all if I was dope sick. Of course I went from snorting it to IVing it really quickly. Never in my life did I believe I could get hooked on something like that! I Dont have an addictive personality... tried to be a drunk after my divorce, figured that drunks I saw didn't care about anything but getting drunk, not about a place to live, about cutting their hair...not a care in the world! Drank a 5th of whiskey a day until I signed a contract to remodel a 15 unit building and had to be sober...it didn't stick, cocain just made me crazy, nothing kept me level like opiates. Another irony, the same person who was selling me the stuff became a very good friend and if I was sick would give it to me while at the same time telling me I needed to get off the stuff. On Valentine's day I nodded out while driving my truck with my three grandkids in the truck, hit another vehicle head on, my one grandson needed stitches in his chin, my two year old granddaughter who is my angel and over the past two years has been my reason to live at times I wanted to put a 12g anti personel round through my head. My friend/dealer played a trick on me, I was trying to stop but was so sick, he asked to meet me which I did. He gave me a suboxon... I said OK give me a couple bags too... thats all you needed of this stuff it I straight from Afghanistan.. he says OK, take the sub so I did. He then says well there's no sense in doing any dope you could do two bundles and you won't feel it the sub has blockers in it! I was like...you son of a bitch! He said dont worry, give it a half hour you'll be fine. I did an I was! It also took care of the pain in my leg as well as keeping my head out of tag bad space it likes to bring me! Long story short... Suboxon works! Methadone takes FOREVER to detox from and it isn't pleasant I've seen it. Get on Subs...and less I more when it comes to subs, 2mg in the morning and 2mg after work keeps you from building up a tolerance and works wonders. I've taken the whole 8mg strips and not felt any different than taking 2mg. I snort it I'm water after letting the bile separate from the other stuff...not like it matters its probably just the junkie side of me wanting to take it like I'm not supposed to.
 
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