Would you ever date someone who has a child whilst you have none?

[pofacedhoe]

Remember also that like crocodiles, kids grow. When they're little you can expect that mom will have them in bed by 9 PM and read them a story and that once they are sound asleep she will be free to spend quality time with you. That won't last. As the kids become teenagers they will be up late and become insufferable. That's normal, we were all insufferable as teenagers. But the question is, do you want to voluntarily expose yourself to that for DNA that isn't yours.

So game this all out in your mind and be honest with yourself. Do them both a favor and don't get involved unless you're willing to stick around. Kids will grow up to mimic the relationships of their parents and you are setting an example.

So go ahead and date for a bit if you want to see where it goes but do NOT, I repeat do NOT, meet the kid until you're sure. Until you meet the kid he/she is unaffected by your existence.

I know about this because a friend of mine just broke up with a woman who had a kid. He was in love and all that and the kid got attached to him and they went on little family vacations and all but then it went bad and poof, he was gone. Not good for the kid to have become attached and then to have the man disappear. It's a pattern she will expect for the rest of her life.

Good luck

this

 

[Noodle]

Probably not, but that isn't realistic at this point in my life.

I have never wanted children of my own. I would probably do best to find someone that is of the same mindset.

 

[Ninae]

Even crown princes marry single mothers if they love them enough and children are notoriously irresistable.

On the other hand, not everyone are cut out for the responsibility.

Like, my uncle moved in with a woman with 3 children with 3 different fathers, before he had another child with her and skipped on.

 

[pill_billy]

That's cool, I'm glad there's some nice women out there who can bring a bit of joy to the kids The problem when it's a man dating a woman with kids though too, is unfortunately there are predators who seek them out and there is a very unfair reputation for men who date women with small kids, a broad brush of moral panic for a tiny sample of spectacular horrifying incidents. Nobody worries about that when a woman dates a man with kids. So that is something to keep in mind for guys interested in women with kids, they might be looked upon with unfair suspicion. It sucks for women who have kids because it's all the more reason why good men might steer clear but it's been known to happen that emotionally damaged women who are desperate for affection may look the other way as well. That's another reason why if I dated a woman with kids then the dad would absolutely have to be in the picture which would reduce and hopefully eliminate any potential opportunity where an accusation could be made. I'm really paranoid lol.

dude your kinda sorta making yourself sound a pedophile... i never would have thought of that and been with women w kids and it was def never brough up and as far as i know never thought of on the moms part.... but yea you sounds REALLY paranoid...

Update it's not going ahead. Not because of the kid though.... She made mention of the dad and I hate it when girls bring up their exes all the time.

in what context? like hey this SOB isnt paying support? or ooo me and him use to do this and that together? but as everyone one else pointed out if the dads not a total piece of shit he should be in the kids life and going to have to be in some convos....

 

[Ninae]

Also, that "child" has now been such a serious drug-addict for years he's too ashamed to see his family. I just face the music and don't care what anyone thinks. After all it's my show.

 

[belfort]

Is the dad around? If not, fuck that, run. Make sure you get full disclosure of how much alone time with her you can expect. Does she have every other weekend to herself? What is the kid's primary residence?

There is a paradox involved: is the kid in her care most of the time? After all, the less time she has to spend caring after the kid the better it is for you. otoh if the courts have deemed her ex to be the more suitable parent, then what's wrong with her? The courts always side with the mom unless there's a big problem. So you want her to yourself as much as possible, but if it is possible, then there may be a problem you don't want to get into.

this, i just went thru this twice, where a chick had a kid, sole custody and first of all, you will always come second to the child which is the way it should be BUT having to constantly plan schedules around a child is not fun..second, having a kid around once in awhile is ok but she is around all the time, then it becomes not fun very quickly ..you have her temper tantrums, baby daddy drama, a stressed out mother, list goes on and on..just google "dating single mothers sucks" and u will hear an entire laundry list of reasons why it isnt a good idea...

now, if the mother has a good babysitter, things might be better but even then, do you want to contend with a kid that is not yours?in my experience, it doesnt work but if you are 25 years or older, better get used to it..lol..

 

[belfort]

Update it's not going ahead. Not because of the kid though.... She made mention of the dad and I hate it when girls bring up their exes all the time.

this is another big problem, women tend to not realize that the LAST thing men want to hear about is the former baby daddy...we could care less what went on what he was like, good or bad, but they still bring him up all the time..it is a buzzkill like no other..

 

[belfort]

OP, are you fucking kidding?? Who's gonna date you & have their child call you dad??

Omg this post blows my mind as to how some men can be so fucking arrogant that sole parents are just lkng for a baby daddy.

Get a grip on reality dude, & ffs grow up!!

sounds like you havent been out in the world that much by your post..lol..youd be shocked at the single mothers of today, some are scandalous and wil do anything to land a baby daddy..the Op has very legit points imo..

 

[Don Luigi]

I dated a lovely woman for over a year who had two kids, aged 4 & 6. The kids were never a problem, although I was careful to be respectful and not get close to them too quickly. She was mindful of this, too. They rarely saw us together for a long time.

The main problem that ruined it was the jealous, abusive father of the children. I feel like a dick for letting that ruin it, but it just wore us down.