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Would you date someone with a child?

I would never date someone with children mostly because I hate children. But that fact aside, you will always be #2 to the child.

Also I have a very low opinion of single parents in general, unless their partner died then that's understandable.
 
Foreigner said:
I would never date someone with children mostly because I hate children. But that fact aside, you will always be #2 to the child.

Also I have a very low opinion of single parents in general, unless their partner died then that's understandable.
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Is it because they are poor and usually have to struggle to raise a child, which isn't ideal for anyone?

It seems to me a strange fact to judge someone on!

Say if a woman has the money to raise a child and good friends to be an extended family, then it's not harmful, blood family aren't always the best people to have around a child, y'know? Would you be less disapproving then? Just curious.

I don't think you can hold a woman responsible for how her partner behaves, other than to say she somehow ought to have had better judgement, but that ignores any causative circumstances that popped up during the 18.75 years after conception.

People are much braver about blaming women than men, basic cowardice at play to pick on the defenseless, you didn't do that, I'm not saying you did.
I'll give an example, my Dad got another woman pregnant and left us because he was in love and going to have a son at last (it was a girl, hahahaha), six months later he wanted to come home again and my mom wouldn't let him, my sister hasn't forgiven our mom yet for breaking up our family!

I agree being a child in a single parent family meant a whole heap of abuse fell on me from every direction while I had no home to feel welcome or safe in, most of that was because the gap left by my Dad allowed a more abusive man in, when it was only females in the house we were good.
 
Using a child to date someone is such a preposterous idea

I will manage to sneak my ultra bad joke in here
 
papercuts said:
Is it because they are poor and usually have to struggle to raise a child, which isn't ideal for anyone?

It seems to me a strange fact to judge someone on!

Say if a woman has the money to raise a child and good friends to be an extended family, then it's not harmful, blood family aren't always the best people to have around a child, y'know? Would you be less disapproving then? Just curious.

I don't think you can hold a woman responsible for how her partner behaves, other than to say she somehow ought to have had better judgement, but that ignores any causative circumstances that popped up during the 18.75 years after conception.

People are much braver about blaming women than men, basic cowardice at play to pick on the defenseless, you didn't do that, I'm not saying you did.
I'll give an example, my Dad got another woman pregnant and left us because he was in love and going to have a son at last (it was a girl, hahahaha), six months later he wanted to come home again and my mom wouldn't let him, my sister hasn't forgiven our mom yet for breaking up our family!

I agree being a child in a single parent family meant a whole heap of abuse fell on me from every direction while I had no home to feel welcome or safe in, most of that was because the gap left by my Dad allowed a more abusive man in, when it was only females in the house we were good.
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First of all, my original statement was gender-neutral. I am gay so the only possibility of me dating a person with a child is if they are a man. I hold the same opinion for them too.

Secondly, I observe that most people exhibit poor judgment when having kids in general. Usually the reasons are selfish and poorly thought out. I see a lot of people choosing to have kids when their life circumstances are really abysmal, or their relationships are not actually that great. Instead of working on themselves, they add children to the situation. Then their relationship fails predictively, and they end up as a single parent.

Our society is so adamantly pro-child that it is almost taboo to openly talk about the fact that most people should not be having children.

If you hear the personal stories of most single parents, if those stories are told truthfully, then you will quickly discover the poor life choices behind their current circumstances.

And yes, I judge them. I judge them because it's one thing to ruin your own life, it's another thing to ruin the life of your child due to poor life choices.

I will always be child free because I have taken a hard look at myself and know that I would never be a good parent. I can barely take care of myself. I wish other people would self-reflect as honestly as I have.
 
Honestly I wouldnā€™t unless I was so smitten by the gal that I couldnā€™t say no. But I chose to not have kids and I kind of expect that from my future partner too. I want to be able to travel, go camping for weeks, trip some random weekend, and other activities that having a kid would really hinder.

But I try to not get too wrapped up on hypotheticals, cuz I say this but then tomorrow Iā€™ll meet someone who I fell head over heels and a kid suddenly wonā€™t matter.

-GC
 
Foreigner said:
First of all, my original statement was gender-neutral. I am gay so the only possibility of me dating a person with a child is if they are a man. I hold the same opinion for them too.

Secondly, I observe that most people exhibit poor judgment when having kids in general. Usually the reasons are selfish and poorly thought out. I see a lot of people choosing to have kids when their life circumstances are really abysmal, or their relationships are not actually that great. Instead of working on themselves, they add children to the situation. Then their relationship fails predictively, and they end up as a single parent.

Our society is so adamantly pro-child that it is almost taboo to openly talk about the fact that most people should not be having children.

If you hear the personal stories of most single parents, if those stories are told truthfully, then you will quickly discover the poor life choices behind their current circumstances.

And yes, I judge them. I judge them because it's one thing to ruin your own life, it's another thing to ruin the life of your child due to poor life choices.

I will always be child free because I have taken a hard look at myself and know that I would never be a good parent. I can barely take care of myself. I wish other people would self-reflect as honestly as I have.
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Iā€™m a single mother. I am one because of the expectations placed on me, and how the circumstances changed thereafter. I did all the right things: married a nice Jewish boy, and immediately got down to the business of having children. At that point in time, he was a stockbroker and the future seemed bright. However, due to some shady business practices on his part, he lost his job and his license and we were forced to move in with his mother, who disliked me, and thus things were set in motion for the end. He changed over time, and so did I, and that resulted in divorce. There was no inkling that these things would come to pass at the time. Iā€™m not claiming to be blameless; just pointing out that sometimes, everything can seem like exactly the right circumstances in which to have children, and then something happens that wrecks it.
 
G_Chem said:
Honestly I wouldnā€™t unless I was so smitten by the gal that I couldnā€™t say no. But I chose to not have kids and I kind of expect that from my future partner too. I want to be able to travel, go camping for weeks, trip some random weekend, and other activities that having a kid would really hinder.

But I try to not get too wrapped up on hypotheticals, cuz I say this but then tomorrow Iā€™ll meet someone who I fell head over heels and a kid suddenly wonā€™t matter.

-GC
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ALSO, you might not only fall head-over-heels in love with some woman who happens to have an inconvenient kid in tow, but end up REALLY bonding with the kid like it was your own.
Legit happened with a mate of mine who was adamant he never wanted a family. Now he's not only a 10 x better father to that boy than the biological one ever had a hope of being, but his son (18 yrs old now) absolutely adores him.

So no I'd never rule anything out 100% in advance where a potential partner is concerned (unless it's totally incompatible political or religious beliefs, there's no reconciling those).
 
xtcgrrrl said:
Iā€™m a single mother. I am one because of the expectations placed on me, and how the circumstances changed thereafter. I did all the right things: married a nice Jewish boy, and immediately got down to the business of having children. At that point in time, he was a stockbroker and the future seemed bright. However, due to some shady business practices on his part, he lost his job and his license and we were forced to move in with his mother, who disliked me, and thus things were set in motion for the end. He changed over time, and so did I, and that resulted in divorce. There was no inkling that these things would come to pass at the time. Iā€™m not claiming to be blameless; just pointing out that sometimes, everything can seem like exactly the right circumstances in which to have children, and then something happens that wrecks it.
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How long did you know him before you got married?
 
TheUltimateFixx said:
Yep, you never know how life plays out. Hypothetically my guy was never gonna date someone like me and vice versa, now we're gonna get married. ;)
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Good luck and congratulations. We were the same, thirty years ago I was never going to date my husband ever, but it was in the days before stalking laws so he persisted and we're still together :love:
Forgot to answer the question, the only guys I dated with kids were when I didn't know about the kids. As I got older I realised just about every guy I knew had a kid somewhere in the world that didn't call him dad and often didn't know him from Adam. I was abandoned as a kid and to be completely honest I didn't care about anyone else's kids so guys who abandoned kids were fine by me. I wouldn't have dated someone who had a kid they did stuff with, that would just have been complicated, but I still loved babysitting for my single mom friends, I really bonded with some of their kids.
 
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Foreigner said:
How long did you know him before you got married?
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Fuck are you now gonna blame someone for falling madly in love and being convinced this is 'the one' -?

Especially since conservative religious family backgrounds tend to encourage that most of all. As all sex before marriage is deemed 'sinful' tons of young people get married to the next best person they feel sexual attraction to.
Only to stay miserably shackled together for life because obviously divorce is also forbidden.
 
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papercuts said:
Good luck and congratulations. We were the same, thirty years ago I was never going to date my husband ever, but it was in the days before stalking laws so he persisted and we're still together :love:
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Presumably then, your husband wasn't an actual stalker but simply had his heart set on you, and was a bit awkward about getting that across Xd
 
No doubt the single parents ought to be a catch compared to the deserters, don't you think so?
Like if we're talking morals, whose doing the work?
Edit, i talk complete twaddle sometimes, so i ought to delete a lot of the following and half did.
Why does felted or delete come up instead of celery?
TheUltimateFixx said:
Presumably then, your husband wasn't an actual stalker but simply had his heart set on you, and was a bit awkward about getting that across Xd
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I liked the bad guys, doesn't everyone? I didn't want him at first because he is no bad guy. I've probably rambled on somewhere in here what a fricking mess I was when I met my husband, just cut off from a good supply of pretty much everything from an ex, I was ill physically and mentally in hindsight, I'd given up my flat without getting anywhere else and was sofa surfing.
He didn't mind so long as I stayed clean and now I'm not any more he doesn't mind that either.
Last month we were in a premier inn or travelodge, I always forget which, but I'd hurried him through at the right moment for noone to see us and we had already got away with two free breakfasts, we had got away with it. He told me that's not right and went up and fricking paid!
So we don't agree on everything but we've always had good sex and we have good kids and while I'm a disaster never held down a job for long, he's really good at getting along with people long term and other shit and for some unknown reason he loves my miserable ass.
I chose him to be the father of all my children, I'm not the mom of all his, but that's OK it was a previous relationship and he didn't have access to his kids, he smashed up the car drunk and that made him look bad, long story.
So in theory I'm a stepmother but I never knew them.
 
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TheUltimateFixx said:
Fuck are you now gonna blame someone for falling madly in love and being convinced this is 'the one' -?

Especially since conservative religious family backgrounds tend to encourage that most of all. As all sex before marriage is deemed 'sinful' tons of young people get married to the next best person they feel sexual attraction to.
Only to stay miserably shackled together for life because obviously divorce is also forbidden.
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Chill out.
 
Foreigner said:
Chill out.
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I'm pretty chill, don't worry. I'm also not the one saying he judges single parents as a matter of course.

90% of the time 'single parent' means 'single mother', let's not beat around the bush.
And there's a ton of ways a woman can end up like that which DON'T equate to 'slut who carelessly screws around and wants baby welfare money'.

An awful lot of men quit a relationship the second they get their girlfriend pregnant, or once the child is born and its care needs take precedence over bedroom gymnastics.
Not even taking into account situations where the relationship started out absolutely committed but just didn't work a few years down the road, in which case staying together 'for the sake of the child' is not in fact in said child's interest.
 
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