Would you date someone with a child?

[Foreigner]

I'm pretty chill, don't worry. I'm also not the one saying he judges single parents as a matter of course.

You're not saying anything I don't already know.

90% of the time 'single parent' means 'single mother', let's not beat around the bush.
And there's a ton of ways a woman can end up like that which DON'T equate to 'slut who carelessly screws around and wants baby welfare money'.

I never said they are sluts. That's what you're assuming but that's not actually what I think.

"Poor life choices" doesn't always equal "slut"

You keep creating strawman arguments that I never made.

An awful lot of men quit a relationship the second they get their girlfriend pregnant, or once the child is born and its care needs take precedent over bedroom gymnastics.

That's because those men are deadbeats.

Not even taking into account situations where the relationship started out absolutely committed but just didn't work a few years down the road, in which case staying together 'for the sake of the child' is not in fact in said child's interest.

There are almost always early red flags showing that the man is not a reliable person, and they would become more obvious if the woman would wait longer and learn this about the guy before starting to have bareback sex.

Most single parent situations are the result of accidental pregnancy and not intentional pregnancy, so they claim. Aside from the rare instances when sexual protection fails, sex is the result of barebacking. Bareback sex does not count as an accidental pregnancy. And it's because they're in lust (not love, though they think it's love) with a bad boy who they haven't fully vetted. Then complain when he disappears once they get pregnant.

It's a tale as old as time.

Single parenthood is mostly the result of bad choices that are preventable. In some cases it's not just once, but twice, and even three times. You see these single moms with multiple children and all they do is blame the deadbeat dads who took off. Duh, you let an idiot unworthy of fatherhood put his load in you.

 

[xtcgrrrl]

How long did you know him before you got married?

A year and 4 months. I’m Jewish; we marry quickly. His parents married 6 months after they met. It’s a cultural thing, don’t judge

 

[xtcgrrrl]

Single parenthood is mostly the result of bad choices that are preventable.

Lmao you really don’t know much about religious marriages do you. Sometimes there ISNT a choice.

 

[shark_barkbark]

i did briefly, about a year ago i moved to florida and i met a really sweet guy with a daughter, we got along fine but he instantly put the duty of step mom on me, so it didn’t work out as i’m not really ready for that so early in a relationship, but if we had worked up to that point i’m sure it would’ve worked well

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

Lmao you really don’t know much about religious marriages do you. Sometimes there ISNT a choice.

I really think orthodox religion messes up your capacity of relating to the opposite sex in a natural healthy way.

Like if you're a religiously brought-up young man for instance, women are presented to you as these impossibly removed goddess-like beings on the one hand, and absolute 'sinful causers' of carnal desire on the other. You're to simultaneously worship and demonise them. They're either the sacred embodiment of 'purity' or devilish seductresses. They're never ever just *human*. How are you supposed to form a real relationship to a woman as her own being with that kind of indoctrination.

Plus obviously you're gonna fundamentally confuse love and lust. The very first girl whose looks turn your head, you're gonna convince yourself you're immortally in love with her because you're 20 with raging hormones and desperate to FINALLY get your end away #gasp#. Only to find out you both can't stand each other because you have nothing in common.

 

[Foreigner]

Lmao you really don’t know much about religious marriages do you. Sometimes there ISNT a choice.

Can you please explain what you mean by this?

How does a religious marriage mean you're forced to have kids?

 

[Foreigner]

A year and 4 months. I’m Jewish; we marry quickly. His parents married 6 months after they met. It’s a cultural thing, don’t judge

I will judge.

Religion is a reason for bad choices, it doesn't make people exempt from them.

You didn't know your partner very well before you decided to seal the deal with kids and now that partner is gone. So there you go.

Anyway... I didn't come here to target you specifically. My original point was that the reasons for most single parents can be traced back to bad choices, and your story only supports that.

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

Can you please explain what you mean by this?

How does a religious marriage mean you're forced to have kids?

A religious marriage will insist you have offspring, because the doctrine says sex *per se* is sinful and ONLY JUST about permissible in the context of procreation.

Which is to say any sexual act that doesn't at least POTENTIALLY result in offspring is sinful, because sex isn't meant for pleasure. Yep it's fucked up ; don't blame me.

 

[papercuts]

if the woman would wait longer and learn this about the guy before starting to have bareback sex.

You keep asserting a fairly obvious falsehood.

You didn't know your partner very well before you decided to seal the deal with kids and now that partner is gone. So there you go.

By saying firstly it's the woman who was responsible for the pregnancy and also that the pregnancy was intended by her is fairly laughable if you know or ever talk to women. Especially single moms. Do you know that women fall pregnant by accident all the time? Do you realise that is not always their fault?
I know you are gay, but you still know sex with a woman isn't just about procreation, people are having fun.
Or is that not allowed now either?

 

[Foreigner]

A religious marriage will insist you have offspring, because the doctrine says sex *per se* is sinful and ONLY JUST about permissible in the context of procreation.

Which is to say any sexual act that doesn't at least POTENTIALLY result in offspring is sinful, because sex isn't meant for pleasure. Yep it's fucked up ; don't blame me.

Nobody is forced to do anything, that would be rape. You're still making a choice and then just blaming it on something else.

Religious people do all kinds of dumb shit and then blame it on God. Like I care.

 

[Foreigner]

You keep asserting a fairly obvious falsehood.

By saying firstly it's the woman who was responsible for the pregnancy and also that the pregnancy was intended by her is fairly laughable if you know or ever talk to women. Especially single moms. Do you know that women fall pregnant by accident all the time? Do you realise that is not always their fault?
I know you are gay, but you still know sex with a woman isn't just about procreation, people are having fun.
Or is that not allowed now either?

Both the man and the woman share equal responsibility for pregnancy, but women have the additional option of abortion, except of course now in US states where it's banned so I understand that.

And I do understand that accidental pregnancy happens. However, what constitutes an "accident" is pretty flimsy these days. If you're having bareback sex over and over then you are inviting the potential for pregnancy. It's that simple. I'm not trying to say that sex is the same as wanting parenthood. But it's no accident if you get pregnant while having it. And it's even dumber if, as the woman, you decide to go through with a pregnancy when your partner is not reliable or committal, or you don't know them well enough.

I don't see how that's a falsehood. And it has nothing to do with being gay. Gay men have other risks with sex. I think guys who contract HIV in this day and age with all of the protective options available, are basically ignorant or just stupid. I have a dim view of that as well.

 

[thujone]

if you want a fun take on this subject -

Infanticide (zoology) - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

cuckoldry isn't exactly popular among human males, either...

 

[papercuts]

Both the man and the woman share equal responsibility for pregnancy, but women have the additional option of abortion, except of course now in US states where it's banned so I understand that.

And I do understand that accidental pregnancy happens. However, what constitutes an "accident" is pretty flimsy these days. If you're having bareback sex over and over then you are inviting the potential for pregnancy. It's that simple. I'm not trying to say that sex is the same as wanting parenthood. But it's no accident if you get pregnant while having it. And it's even dumber if, as the woman, you decide to go through with a pregnancy when your partner is not reliable or committal, or you don't know them well enough.

I don't see how that's a falsehood. And it has nothing to do with being gay. Gay men have other risks with sex. I think guys who contract HIV in this day and age with all of the protective options available, are basically ignorant or just stupid. I have a dim view of that as well.

So you understand accidental pregnancy happens and you probably understand condoms aren't the first choice contraception of most women so bareback or not, that's irrelevant. But you don't see how it's a falsehood that all these single moms intended to become pregnant? Hmm OK
Just as a quick example, my mom had a contraceptive implant fitted during her entire pregnancy with me, she didn't want to be pregnant, but abortion was only legalised two years ago here, during the pandemic, before that it was bleeding in a backalley and don't tell the doctors what happened when some good samaritan takes you to the nearest hospital. Another appealling option for women, not. Now as you say the US is actually going backwards before the rest of the world even caught up to women requiring proper healthcare for unwanted pregnancies.
What exactly was my mom supposed to do? Cross her legs forever? Her doctor told her she wouldn't get pregnant and she was actually married at the time so my Dad had the legal right to have sex with her, she had no right to refuse, that was the law back when I was born. Those were the societial attitudes as well.
But still somehow it was her fault anyway?
I think you have no idea how trapped women can be by societial expectations and laws and how detailed those expectations can be.
I'm intrigued what you mean about the other risks gay men have with sex, what risks are those that a woman doesn't also face? Verbal abuse from other guys? No both can get that. Not physical violence either, obviously women are more at risk there. Not disease either.
What is it?

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

Nobody is forced to do anything, that would be rape. You're still making a choice and then just blaming it on something else.

Religious people do all kinds of dumb shit and then blame it on God. Like I care.

The thing is if you're indoctrinated to believe all that crap, then you will act accordingly. Do you not understand the basic nature of indoctrination -?



A person can feel fundamentally morally and / or psychologically compelled without being LITERALLY physically forced.

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

Like I care.

Yeah man it's pretty damn obvious that you don't.

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

saying firstly it's the woman who was responsible for the pregnancy and also that the pregnancy was intended by her is fairly laughable if you know or ever talk to women.

No need of conversation with women, even. Just baseline understanding of reproductive biology and human nature.
Split condoms / impulsive one-nighters are a thing.

 

[Foreigner]

So you understand accidental pregnancy happens and you probably understand condoms aren't the first choice contraception of most women so bareback or not, that's irrelevant. But you don't see how it's a falsehood that all these single moms intended to become pregnant? Hmm OK
Just as a quick example, my mom had a contraceptive implant fitted during her entire pregnancy with me, she didn't want to be pregnant, but abortion was only legalised two years ago here, during the pandemic, before that it was bleeding in a backalley and don't tell the doctors what happened when some good samaritan takes you to the nearest hospital. Another appealling option for women, not. Now as you say the US is actually going backwards before the rest of the world even caught up to women requiring proper healthcare for unwanted pregnancies.
What exactly was my mom supposed to do? Cross her legs forever? Her doctor told her she wouldn't get pregnant and she was actually married at the time so my Dad had the legal right to have sex with her, she had no right to refuse, that was the law back when I was born. Those were the societial attitudes as well.
But still somehow it was her fault anyway?

I don't know how you interpreted "both man and woman are equally responsible for pregnancy" to mean that it's all the woman's fault and so she should cross her legs?

Secondly, accidental pregnancy is not the main reason for single parenthood. Divorce is. And look at the divorce rate, it's higher than 50% in the USA. So the problem is actually piss poor family planning.

I think you have no idea how trapped women can be by societial expectations and laws and how detailed those expectations can be.

I don't give a shit. Women have free will and I care more about unwanted children than I do adults who are too stupid/ignorant to plan their lives properly.

I'm intrigued what you mean about the other risks gay men have with sex, what risks are those that a woman doesn't also face? Verbal abuse from other guys? No both can get that. Not physical violence either, obviously women are more at risk there. Not disease either.
What is it?

I'm not interested in whatever equivocation game you're trying to play here. Gay couples are way more successful at having children because they have to put in significant effort to make it happen, and when they do they are more likely to stay together and raise a child properly.

Your other claims are totally laughable. I've experienced both verbal abuse and physical violence from my partners in the past. Gay men spread STIs like crazy because of promiscuity. Now, back to the matter at hand.

 

[Foreigner]

The thing is if you're indoctrinated to believe all that crap, then you will act accordingly. Do you not understand the basic nature of indoctrination -?

A person can feel fundamentally morally and / or psychologically compelled without being LITERALLY physically forced.

Religious people are culpable when they commit crimes, even non-lethal ones, in the name of their religion. Bad behaviour is bad behaviour. There are also plenty of religious people who don't have kids immediately. You can't use indoctrination as an excuse. Unless you were raped, you CHOSE it.

The divorce rate in the USA is higher than 50% now. People are clearly making bad relationship choices. You can't blame that on religion. You can blame it on moral decay though.

All the straight people I know who had kids are miserable now, except for one couple. The one success story is because they actually planned their lives properly and waited years in their relationship. The other couples are a dumpster fire. One relationship was failing, so they had kids thinking it would make things better -- it didn't. One couple "accidentally" got pregnant, then a second time, then a third. Now they have a GoFundMe for help funding their stupid baby mill. Another woman I know fell in love with a TOTALLY unsuitable man and let him impregnate her. The list goes on. It's mind blowing.

Society uses "accidental pregnancy" as a cover up for the fact that it is VERY COMMON for grown adults to make TOTALLY STUPID CHOICES when they have kids.

People should require a license to have kids. The majority of single parents have "BAD CHOICES" written all over them and that's why I won't date them. I have no interest in being roped in as a resource for them to parasite off of to support their offspring.

This is why you almost never see single dads in the gay community, unless they are newly gay and had a hetero marriage before. When you remove sexual urges from the picture, children become a concerted effort and a hugely moral choice to have, so it gets taken more seriously. I wish hetero people would just admit that they couldn't keep it in their pants, that they love barebacking, and they show poor judgment when procreating. Instead they try to dress it up as "women are victims" or some shit. I have news for you: they aren't.

 

[amnesiaseizure]

I’m 43 and have a 10yr old daughter who I have 50% of the time. Also a 3yr old who I see closer to once/twice every 2 weeks. Both by different women. I’ve forced myself to have at least a year alone after a break up from a couple of different women a couple years back and it was the best thing I did. Became completely happy with my life, got sober from booze and everything else but always had a massive thing for one girl much younger than me.

We’re now together and giving it a proper go and I love her in ways I never thought I would again. So sorry, I’m not the one dating a parent but fucking hope she’s able to cope with my priorities - she was very hesitant mainly because I think she knew how important it was to be sure before going all in. And she loves her independence which she is very welcome to. I don’t want to change any of that about her - it’s massively why I love her.

And being older I know what I want, have my career sorted and don’t fuck about with other peoples hearts anymore. If she wants love, respect and commitment, she’s got it in spades for as long as she wants it.

 

[elgoucho9]

Met a girl last Saturday night and we exchanged numbers, she told me a few days later she has a kid. I was ok with this but now am seeing that because of the child our relationship won't include much alone time or going out. I'm a bit of a needy lover when in love and I guess this is my downfall. She's been off and on with communicating but it's me who has been initiating more. I feel like this won't work out so took her off Facebook, Snapchat but still kept her number. She hasn't even texted enquiring why she was taken off nor has she messaged much since Thursday night.

Am I too assume she ain't interested and I should just move on?

On another note who here has dated someone with a child and how did it work out?

I think the fact you felt you had to remove her from social media alone, proves this one's a non starter.

She probably thinks your a psycho