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Would like to share mye story about MDMA-assisted self treatment for PTSD

Pallyress

Pallyress

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 22, 2016
Messages
168
I have read these forums for months, using them to aid me in safe drug use. I am a rape survivor, and have used MDMA and LSD after the violent trauma, to enable me to remember and process the strong emotional responses that crippled me, and and made me paranoid and suicidal. I am much better now.

Prior to my use of MDMA and LSD I have no history of drug abuse (tried a joint or two back in high school, didn't fancy it)

I would like to share what I have done and the effects I have experienced, but I'm not sure where to post it on the forum. I will not advocate that everybody should do it, but in my case I have no doubt it helped save my life. Still, there are risks beyond safe drug administration, as self therapy on high grade PTSD really opens up for shit one must feel.

I was able to do it in the safest possible way because I found information on this forum, amongst others. Combining experiences shared by other drug users, and leaning heavily on the available reasearch for MDMA-assisted PTSD-therapy, I have improved more in the last 1,5 years than other PTSD sufferers do over decades.

How should I go about sharing my story on this forum? This is my anecdotal tale, about how I used MAPS research to help myself and save my life - by illegal drug use. (I would of course have participated in a study if I could get in)
 
Thank you! :)

I haven't had a moment to sit down and write yet, and I need to figure out where to start. I'll have a look at the forum and figure something out
 
I would love to hear your story. I am a rape survivor too, and recently have been having so many reactions to my medications that it's almost more traumatizing than the rape. I'm curious to see how it helped you. I tried MDMA and did a lot of research before, but I think the pill was fake, nothing happened. I tried to get involved with MAPS but it was unavailable, I also tried to get to a ketamine clinic but it just hasn't worked out. Let us know when you post and welcome :D
 
I have started here: http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/796894-Self-treatment-of-PTSD-using-MDMA-how-I-did-it

Due to ADHD and still PTSD, I wrote this with a tiny dose LSD to be able to do it at all. I am not critically ill anymore, I haven't been suicidal for a few months now, but it is still very difficult to write about it due to all the memories and crap that is part of, or adjacent to, what I write. I also have a strong desire to tell about my experiences. It is a bit jumbled up, and it is difficult to tell the story without working a lot on it - something that I cannot do because I don't have the capacity yet. Talking about this is both draining and healing.

I'll just pour it all out and see where it goes. It is pretty obvious my adhd meds are wearing off before the LSD, hope I can go back and edit later

:)
 
koalalemur said:
I would love to hear your story. I am a rape survivor too, and recently have been having so many reactions to my medications that it's almost more traumatizing than the rape. I'm curious to see how it helped you. I tried MDMA and did a lot of research before, but I think the pill was fake, nothing happened. I tried to get involved with MAPS but it was unavailable, I also tried to get to a ketamine clinic but it just hasn't worked out. Let us know when you post and welcome :D
Click to expand...

It's people like you that makes it important to share my story. Didn't get around to my setup yet, as I started with my first try which was not the therapeutic setup (with DIY adaptions as I had no therapist who could sit with me).
 
I've browsed the forums a bit more and I am having difficulties finding the right place to settle down.

My primary interest is to find someone to discuss in depth ways to share and learn from others how to use MDMA as a facilitator to personal growth and healing.

I am very positive to the harm reduction focus, but the MDMA section seemd to only be about kids/ young adults either suffering from horrible long term damages from exstreme abuse, or the ones trying to join them by plugging grams of mdma up their butt on a daily basis. I actually thought it was trolling, and not real, but it think it was.

I don't mean to belittle anybody, and they probably need each other more than I need this forum. But it is really hard finding a common ground in there. I feel like I'm the one smoking a cigarette in a burned down village, talking about how good it is to smoke.

The psychedelic section seems to be more close to what I'm doing, even if my psychedelic use is much more careful im dosage due to my mental healt situation. However, it is stated very clearly that the MDMA a topics should be *over there, pointing to the burned out village where distant moans can be heard from time to time*.

I need some guidance. I'm in my 40s, I don't do raves or "trip balls". I learned the expression "plugging" today, from reading on this forum. I believe it means stuffing drugs up one's behind. It's not my plan A to try it at this very moment.

Help? :)
 
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