Would like some advice regarding drugs...

[webology]

Hi, I'm Webology and I'm almost 20 years old and from the UK.

I have been smoking cannabis since 16 daily and have used other drugs:
Mephedrone, Amphetamine, MDMA (a few times), Mushrooms (once), AMT (once), Cocaine (a few times).

I don't want anyone to think that I'm trying to brag by listing what I've taken, rather I am simply trying to give you some insight into the extent to the damage which has been done (either directly or indirectly) to me - both psychologically and physically.

lately I smoke around 1g - 2g of weed daily, and when I've had a smoke I always think about how I want to quit so much and I can 'see the light' sort of thing, like how easy it will be to quit tomorrow if I just try. but come next day when I'm sobre if I'm not at work or after work I get really impulsive and I feel that I must have weed, and if anyone annoys me or gets in my way before I sort out my weed I just get really angry as it feels like weed is my immediate goal.
I really don't know what to do. I don't feel in control of myself when the cravings kick in . my goal is to quit completely, but it feels as if while its so readily available around me I can't help myself..

I've recently (2 weeks ago)stopped taking Mephedrone I've been using it heavily at the weekends, and getting myself in debt which i cant afford to pay... I'd have a drink on a friday and then, when drunk because i've used it that many times If im out with certain people I crave for it, and I'd forget about the fact that I have no way of paying for this mephedrone next week, i would get some on tick, have a shit night,
have a really bad anxiety ridden comedown on which i would have panic attacks about paying the debt back.


I am largely a fool and am desperately asking for some advice...

1.How can i tackle my cannabis addiction effectively in the short term and long term.
2. I mentioned debts when I was talking about Mephedrone, I owe this bloke who I understand is not to be fucked about with £100 for friday, I did owe it him for last friday but I told him I cant give it him and he hasn't got back in touch with me, i said i would be able to give it him this friday, however I don't know WHEN i will be able to give it him as I am now unemployed... Im truly and honestly scared, I dont dare walk the streets anymore the usual way (going through jittys and avoiding places I could see him), I'm always looking over my shoulder, I'm always thinking what the fuck am I going to do.
3. I want to stop being so impulsive... This is partly why I cant quit smoking cannabis I think

All I want in my head is the most effective way of solving these issues for myself because im hitting rock bottom now getting very anxious a lot i wouldnt say depressed but im definitly a few steps off a bag of nerves at the minute.

Any replies greatly appreciated.

 

[herbavore]

I can understand why you are stressed! Losing your job and owing money is a horrible feeling.

Would it help to cut out all the weekend use and just stick to cannabis for a while while you sort that out? Is there any way that you could borrow the money you owe from someone else (a safer person) so that you don't have to be so scared?

While I hear you about your cannabis use, I would tackle one step at a time. Maybe you could cut down while you are cutting out the weekend use that you can no longer afford. Then when that is under control, tackle your dependence on cannabis.

 

[Dave]

^ Exactly. One step at a time.

One of the biggest hurdles for people who are wanting to get clean is finding something to occupy their time. So many wind up relapsing because they are bored withouth their DOC. I'm thinking that, at least for the cannabis side of things, this may be the case for you. Seems like it's mostly a 'days off and after work' deal, as a way to relax and anjoy your time off, yes? The key, then, is to have as little actual downtime as possible. Not necessarily from work-- as you've said, you're unemployed at the moment-- but doing something mentally and/or physically active with the time that you're not spending at obligations. Even just going for walks-- perhaps not too advisable until you pay off your meph debt-- can be helpful. Explore!

If you're finding that the circumstances on the weekends tend to lead you into doing meph, then change those circumstances. Go out with different people, or stay in and do something else. The less chance you give yourself to be impulsive, the less impulsive you'll wind up being.

 

[the real yeti]

Like the guys above me said, just go one step at a time. You have to take things like this slowly; if you're to aggressive with it you'll overwhelm yourself and it will make everything more difficult.

1. One step at a time, slow and steady. Taper yourself off instead of going cold turkey. (The following part assumes your use is on the high end of your estimate, two grams a day.) Drop your use by, say, half a gram per day for a whole week, then another half gram each day of the next week, and so on, until you hit zero. So next week, only use a gram and a half; the week after that, only use a gram a day. If it's too hard to say "no more" after you start smoking, try separating your supply into different bags, one for each day of the week, each containing your set amount for each day; set one out each day and keep the rest in a safe place, maybe even with a close friend if possible/necessary.

Also, like Dave said, find something to do with yourself to get your mind off of weed and mephedrone. Occupy your time with something, anything. Go on a run or a bike ride, read a book, even walk around and look for a job if you think it will be beneficial somehow; the most effective thing I've yet seen someone do is simply sitting down with food, a pen, and a notebook and just writing. I've seen multiple people do this, and it's always been extremely helpful. Write down whatever's on your mind; vent, rant, even make up a good story if you feel creative enough. It's also pretty fun to read over after a week or so of random journaling. On weekends, go out with different people in different places. Avoid your normal "routine" and your body will begin to stop telling your mind that you're missing something (read: mephedrone) and it will make weaning yourself off of it much easier.

2. Do anything you can to remain non-confrontational, although that doesn't seem to be an issue. Don't provoke him. Explain to him what is going on and apologize for the delay, and tell him that you'll get him his money as soon as you can. You could even pay him over time; next time you see him, give him like 20 pounds (or as much as you can) to show him that you will pay him just as soon as you have the funds. If you act honest and sincere, you should be able to minimize any confrontation.

3. I've been dealing with some significant anxiety too, and was a big barrier for me for quite a long time. I'm no psychologist, but from my own personal experience it's possible that you're impulsive because of lingering anxiety. The thing that has helped my anxiety and impulsiveness most has been sitting back, looking at myself, and taking control of my own situation. Don't let debts or addictions or fears of failure take over your life; your destiny belongs doesn't belong to anybody or anything but yourself. Tomorrow is your day, it's not the drug's, it's not the debt's, it's not the anxiety's or impulsiveness's; it belongs to you and you alone. You're the master of your own life's course. Don't let seemingly negative circumstances take control of who you are or the choices you make, even if you seem at rock bottom. Don't let the person who you think you are stop you from being the person you desire to be. Set a goal for yourself and strive for it; if you fail, try again. Even if you've failed two, three, however many times, always pursue; you will succeed if you don't let anything get in your way. Set your goals, dig your fingernails in, grit your teeth, and take control. You do have the power. Use it.

I hope this helped somehow. These are the kind of things that I've seen work best, maybe they'll help you too. Best of luck to you, mate. You'll get through this, I promise you.

P.S. I wrote something a few weeks ago about my struggle with anxiety disorder that you might want to read. It's on the forum, just look at my recent topics and you should find it. Maybe it'll help.

 

[webology]

herbavore
I think I've finally realised how unfun and bad mephedrone is for me and I'm going to stay away from it.

Dave,
I live on the edge of the countryside and I've been out for a jog yesterday and today, it's kept me occupied for an hour, and i'm planning to building it up so I do a bit more every day.

the real yeti
I'm going to try the things you mentioned, and what you've said has finally made me feel better to an extent and gave me hope.

Thanks for the replies, truely grateful you spent your time on writing em

 

[Dave]

Glad to hear that you're taking steps! Keep at it, and stick around-- let us know how you're doing!

 

[fridgebuzz]

I feel for you, man. I never like being high, yet I dislike not being high. Every time I smoke I always begin thinking that it isn't very fun and this would be the last time, but then I sober up and for some strange reason begin craving it. It's like the only time I can rationally think about quitting is when I'm high. Fuck drugs. I've found myself consistently claiming to myself that I would smoke my whole bag tonight and be done with it, and then tomorrow rolls around and I'm back at my dealer's house.

 

[Epsilon Alpha]

Get a few part time jobs, works for a bunch of guys I know. Kills your social life yes, but it also kills your debt while keeping you busy.
Delete your dealer's number after telling him you might be being investigated is another great way to kill of that whole social branch for a few weeks too.

Go big or go home man, hell if your life is shit enough, join the army.

 

[gomorrah]

You are a real deal drug addict in the making from what I see. Things are quickly becoming unmanageable. Regarding the debt, looking over your shoulder is no way to live. Tell your family what is going on and get some support. I can't imagine them getting mad: mine weren't. Best of luck pal. Things will get better if you want them too.