Worried about starting my new job -- Fresh out of addiction, haven't worked in 5years

[OxycoDrone]

Okay, so, you guys remember how I told my Mum about MMT and she freaked out? Well, she's calmed down now and I've explained all the pros-and-cons to her and told her about how suboxone is getting subsidised here in the next few years which means it'll be affordable for me (As currently it's not at all, whereas methadone is free) and anyway, she pulled a few strings at her work and has got me a part-time job there. Hopefully I'll be able to work 15 hours a week which means I'll still be able to keep my sickness benefit (Government paycheck, $200 a week, because of my anxiety/insomnia/depression) and it'll be good to get myself used to getting up in the morning, going to the chemist for my MMT and then going off to work .. But to be honest guys, I'm scared as fuck.

I haven't worked a proper job since I quit my kitchen job on my 17th birthday because of a hangover and because they wouldn't give me more than 6 hours a week and I'd just moved out of home a few months before and really needed money .. I've done odd jobs and worked for a few weeks here and there but nothing major, and since my addiction I haven't worked at all. I'm really scared I'll fuck this up, or it'll be too hard, or something.. 'cos my Mum has really stuck her neck out for me here, and the boss even knows about my prison time (not about addiction yet, I'll tell him once I've got to know him better and am doing a good job at working) and this is an AMAZING opportunity for me. People don't just offer you a job, not in this economy, and not to an ex-con junkie, but I'm so worried that I won't be able to do it. I'm /really/ unfit and I'm trying like hell to quit smoking so I don't get out of breath so fast, and I'm walking a lot more now I live out of town and just trying to improve my health -- want to start going to the gym after work/after methadone so that my 'done kicks in when I'm at the gym so I get a good association, yaknow? Think this is a good idea?

I dunno guys, maybe I'm freaking out over nothing, but I just would love some advice or someone to share stories with similar situations and such? Or even just to give me some encouragement ... I really need you right now, TDS .. Hayley (my partner for those that don't know) works so hard for us to have money to live on, and I want to contribute too.. I'm thinking about starting up selling weed again, and maybe some 2C-B because I can get 2 grams for quite cheap and at least triple my money on the deal (I know no price discussions so not mentioning numbers, just ratios) but I also want to actually EARN some of my money, as it'll make me appreciate it more .. and I don't want Hayley to be working so much, as she slipped a disk in her back last year and it's only just healed but it's started hurting her again, so if I can earn some more money then she can reduce her hours at work and I'd love to be able to do that for her..

Thanks guys, I'm so glad you're all here for me and at least some of you seem to really care about me.. I have no one like that in my life except Hayley, so the few friends I have on here are super important to me, and I really feel like you know some of the "real" me that no one bar Hayley and my best friend Alex (Got addicted with me, going on MMT with me) knows in real life.. So I'd really appreciate some help with this one, as it's keeping me up at night stressing about it. Thank you so much guys,

Love you all,
-OCD

 

[Missykins]

People who deal inevitably pick up again. Do you want to be incarcerated again?

Just take it step by step. Get yourself into the routine of getting up early to go to work, etc. I think that you'll find that you enjoy working, but I can see why you're feeling overwhelmed.

 

[OxycoDrone]

Yeah that's a good point, I should wait at least until my suspended sentence is over.. Luckily drug laws are quite lax here, except when dealing with meth which we are VERY strict on, and I have no priors for drugs .. But yeah, I'll try earn my money legit. Also I'd never deal opiates, because I couldn't not take them -- that part of my life is over as of next week.

Thanks Missykins, I'm sure it'll be okay after a few weeks, I'm just terrified of letting everyone down yaknow? My Mum will give up on me if I fuck this one up, I know she will, and I'll never get her back this time .. or at least not for a long long time.

Anyone had a similar experience that turned out okay? Or even turned out badly? I'd even just take some encouragement, you guys are my rock

 

[Mass08]

Hey Oxy,

Congrats at taking a major step back into society and the real word my friend. Like Missykins said getting in the routine of getting up early and adding structure back into your life is a great step in recovery. I just wanted to chime in and say to you that working a job will open so many doors for you man. You will have the money to do a lot of really fun things that will keep you occupied and away from poor decisions if you choose to let them. Be confident in your ability, you may be fresh out of an addiction, but you are OUT of it and that is a key victory. So congratulations to you for that and I wish you the best of luck in living your life to the fullest and happiest you can be man.

 

[Missykins]

Plenty of people go back to work after giving up drugs or a period of incarceration. But they are only successful if they do not engage in criminal activity, and have a support network of sober friends. They learn to show gratitude for each opportunity that comes their way, no matter how trivial it might seem.

It really doesn't matter if the drug laws are lax, the more arrests and convictions you have, the less likely you will be able to enter the working world. For many employers, an arrest is just as bad as a conviction. I found it a little strange when you said that you have no drug priors, as if you get a free pass because of the absence of drug-related offenses on your record, and that the most compelling reason you could find against dealing drugs is that you are currently released with a suspended sentence. I would recommend that you re-examine your logic, because that sort of thinking will, at the very least, cause you to relapse, and land you back in jail, provided you are still alive after your relapse. Remember, your addiction wants you dead.

Anyhow, I can see why you feel that there's a lot of pressure on you right now. This is the time where you need support from your network of sober friends, and if you don't have a network, then get one. AA/NA is the obvious choice, but it could be as simple as getting together with three sober people in a coffee shop. I know that you start MMT soon, so don't even consider having a goodbye-to-opiates party with heroin before you start, as it could be your last because, once again, your addiction wants you dead. It's already seen you incarcerated.

Don't use, don't deal, and don't hang out with people who use and deal and you'll be just fine.

 

[Pale Rider]

Nice one Oxy, just relax and enjoy yourself my friend this is your time, well done again.