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worried about relapse etc

Princess_Poppy

Princess_Poppy

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 5, 2009
Messages
217
Location
Atlanta, GA
hey i posted here FOREVER ago (august) thinking i would be able to stay connected with the forum. i was moving from atlanta to stay with my bf and his parents in middle ga, and i was detoxing off bupe. alas, i had no internet here, and was unable to post.

well, a bunch of craziness happened. i mean, my detox off suboxone went okay and i am "clean" for the first time in YEARS. years. so, we were doing good. the problem is we kinda started drinking instead. and over the past few months we gradually started having problems. i am being brief b/c the BIG thing is that we got into a fight and he almost strangled me to death last week. there was a history of abuse, but never this bad. i was told if he had held on any longer i wouldn't be here. it's been about a week and i still having bruising and difficulty swallowing.

so, i am going back to atlanta. i don't really want to stay here where all this happened. i want to be with my friends up there. my job is gonna transfer me and i have a place to stay. the problem is how easy it will be to get high and stuff. i have already lined up some group therapy for the domestic violence and have an appt with a therapist.... so i am doing what i need to do. but i am just reallly worried about the drugs thing. btw drugs of choice are heroin and cocaine (i.v. or smoked). i feel like i am in a bad place right now after what happened. episodic ptsd, at least. it was a 6 yr relationship too. he and i have had no contact (court ordered) so it is all very sudden too. i am not sure if i am looking for advice or just a place to talk. but, thought i would give it a shot. thanks guys. <3
 
Wow, that is crazy. I'm so glad it didn't end worse though and that you're removing yourself from that harmful situation.

You're definitely taking positive steps towards your future. Along with the therapy, I'd also suggest that you look into NA/AA meetings in Atlanta. You'll get a lot of support there for sure. You may want to give up the alcohol as well. It sounds like you were well on your way to switching one addiction for another and that's not something you want to do. When you get home, talk to your friends and if they use let them know that you fully intend to stay clean. If they don't support that, you might want to reconsider your friendships with them.

Lastly, I know it's hard but try not to worry too much. While it's important to consider the possibility of a relapse, worrying about it too much could prove to have negative effects as well. You're doing the right things and I hope everything works out for you. <3
 
i'm very glad it didn't end worse as well. that is the scariest thing about all this. that he really could have killed me. of course i have barely even started the process of moving on. i still love him, and that is scary too. i know i just can't go back after what happened.

i am thinking about NA/AA... i don't know if i want to stop drinking completely though. i really haven't even wanted to drink that much since this all happened. i am just really worried about the relapse with coke/heroin though. some friend from back home in TN (where it is dry and over-taxed) called and said he wanted to come down and spend a bunch of money and share.... i mean, how unlucky is that for me? it seems like if you don't seek it out, it will seek you out. i am going to have MAJOR trouble saying no to free drugs in a nice hotel room... *sigh* i am still in the mindset that i can chip... but i know i am prob just rationalizing it :(
 
Hey Princess Poppy! I remember you back in the day. :)

I'm glad to hear you're doing well, it sounds like you're going through a difficult time but haven't relapsed yet - that's amazing!

I'm also happy to hear you're working.

I'm sorry to hear about the traumatic experience you went through, therapy would definitely be a viable option to help you out, and I'm always here if you want to just talk to someone. Much PLUR! :)
 
^^ thank you. well i am not back in the big city yet... that's where all the goodies are. we shall see. i just never want to end up in the detox hell again. i am really lucky i don't have paws worse than i do considering the years of methadone. i have to remember what a hard road it was getting here. that's sweet you remember me :) thanks for the PLUR. i really hope you are doing well also
 
Princess_Poppy said:
^^ thank you. well i am not back in the big city yet... that's where all the goodies are. we shall see. i just never want to end up in the detox hell again. i am really lucky i don't have paws worse than i do considering the years of methadone. i have to remember what a hard road it was getting here. that's sweet you remember me :) thanks for the PLUR. i really hope you are doing well also
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Thanks!

I'm still on Suboxone, and am really glad to be alive. I had an experience that shook me up a few days ago, but I'm alive and am OK. If anything I'm a braver person now. :)
 
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