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Worried about Megan.

I

Iwanttobefree

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 22, 2018
Messages
36
Location
America
I was sober 3.5 years, and when I relapsed I obviously went to my comfort zone and reconnected with people I thought I would never see again. I hope I don't break any rules by using her name, and apologize if it does.
A little background, Megan's mom and my dad dated back in the good Ol' days and her mom ended up committing suicide while they were together. It was very traumatic and devastating as all us kids were 11 and younger. So Megan and I hadn't seen each other in forever, and when we ran into each other it obviously wasn't under the best circumstances.

Found out Megan had a baby who was adopted by her cousins. And she was now sober and pregnant with a little girl. I got sober and we lost contact again, and when I relapsed, through some mutual contacts we got back in touch. Well I went over to her house to party frequently, and she had her little one stay in the living room sometimes and sometimes stay in her room while we would go in the master bedroom. So here is where I am torn. I personally couldn't smoke around my kids. Yes, being medicated around them isn't much better, but I have always been told that the vapor / smoke that is in the air settles on surfaces and can be absorbed into skin ect.. She swears that's all BS and what not. I have been doing research on Google and haven't found much. There just hasn't been enough research. Does anyone else have opinions, theories, or what not?

Honestly not looking for any one to bash us. We know it's bad... but she thinks because she keeps it in her room with a fan pointing out her window and a humidifier and candle going that her kiddo will be ok.... what about it traveling through air vents? Should we be smoking outside? Or like in a garage? Some where her kid isn't next to or going to want to come in and crawl on the bed / spend time with her mom?

Side note her daughter is now old enough to sit and watch cartoons / play with toys and eat snacks... which is what she normally does if this is done during the day.

Most of the time we wait until night time to have our sessions, but even then her kid is sleeping just down the hall/ next door. I just want to make sure 1) her daughter isn't ingesting / absorbing our bad descisions.. and 2) Megan has information to make a better choice.

I know that sounds stupid since she is making a terrible choice by doing this stuff in the first place, but this is like a last resort place to search for answers and it should be considered harm reduction ?
 
Regardless of unnecessary background information, and whatever it is being smoked, which you don't specify, it goes without saying that drugs, including nicotine, should not be smoked in the vicinity of children and ideally outside, in the garage or a ventilated room which the child does not frequent during or soon after substances have been smoked

Also, always wash your hands after handling/smoking & wipe down any surfaces that drugs have come in contact with

I'm not preaching because I've been there, but drugs are a lot more enjoyable & guilt-free when you are not responsible for the care of children or have plonked them in front of the TV with a bag of sweets

Also although you're not the Father of the child in question, your post appears to put all the responsibility for the actions of both of you on the Mother
You already seem pretty aware that coming into contact with smoke isn't good news for the child and it does seem like the Mother is attempting to limit this, but I'd be more concerned about spending positive, interactive time with her during the day, rather than disappearing to another room to smoke
 
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Actually I am just a friend of hers from when we were younger. It isn't my responsibility to take care of her kid, but I do in fact have feelings of guilt for not persuading her mother into a better choice of handling her extra curricular in a way that doesn't affect the child's health. But she says there isn't proof of what I am saying and that she's being careful.
It is however a choice not to turn her in for this behavior, but that's a whole different issue.
 
Yes the smoking indoors with children is not good. Needs to be taken outdoors. There are lots of studies on the subject I'm sure, maybe you can dig some up and show to her? ETA I dug some and besides the chance of the child getting sick there's the chance of them smoking themselves - with all the health risks that means.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3876755/
https://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/data_statistics/fact_sheets/secondhand_smoke/health_effects/index.htm
"

  • Secondhand smoke causes numerous health problems in infants and children, including more frequent and severe asthma attacks, respiratory infections, ear infections, and sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).1,4
  • Smoking during pregnancy results in more than 1,000 infant deaths annually.4
  • Some of the health conditions caused by secondhand smoke in adults include coronary heart disease, stroke, and lung cancer. "
 
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I thought I was being some what obvious with out coming out and just saying it, but I am talking about smoking an illegal substance. Some people believe this substance crystalizes on surfaces... and can be ingested / absorbed through the skin. I was told not to put " incriminating" things in my post, so sorry for the confusion. I will get this forum stuff down.. eventually.
 
Six smokers and six nonsmokers spent an hour sitting side by side in a 10-by-13-foot, acrylic-walled room in two different experimental sessions. Each smoker was given 10 high-potency cannabis cigarettes to smoke. In one session, the room?s ventilation fans were turned on. In another session, the fans were turned off, and the room became smoke-filled. This was a realistic simulation of home ventilation conditions. At the end of the exposures, smokers? and nonsmokers? blood, urine, saliva and hair were tested at regular intervals for THC.

All six nonsmokers who spent an hour exposed to secondhand smoke in the unventilated room under extreme conditions had detectable amounts of THC in their urine and blood. (Duh!)
Click to expand...

None of the nonsmokers exposed to secondhand smoke in the ventilated room tested positive for THC on either the more sensitive or the less sensitive urinalysis. "The scenario we looked at was almost a worst-case scenario."
Click to expand...
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/new...dhand_cannabis_smoke_causes_mild_intoxication

This is only one aspect of your situation but a sliver of evidence if nothing else. Coming from John Hopkins and SAMHSA it was most likely biased towards seeking out negatives of second hand exposure so the statement of "no detection in the more sensitive test" was not published lightly.

This is veering off from the crux of the issue and how zero smoking in the same domicile as the child would be best, but for harm reduction sake, if it's going to continue then concentrating on efficient ventilation that is close to or better yet sealed in a window to create a vacuum in the room that draws air from the vents, crack under the door, etc, to prevent smoke from "leaking" back into the rest of the house is best. Just blowing air around the room is not going to help. Several models are available that adjust to different size windows and provide a decent seal, I've used them with with and can attest that smoking in close proximity to one doesn't leave enough smoke behind to leave any residue. Clothes, hands and smoking utensils are a different story, Tupperware can mitigate some of the lingering smell from pipes, small waterpipes, etc.

EDIT: I hope you were talking about cannabis or this is somewhat moot.
 
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You're fine to mention the drug you smoked (past tense), but probably don't mention names of people. Just use an initial.

Now, I don't know if it's meth weed heroin or LSD that you guys are burning but never do drugs in a room with children. That's sort of a given. Children watch and mimic the behaviour they see, so discounting second hand smoke and all, kids shouldn't be seeing their parents take drugs. I'd really advise smoking somewhere else and tell your friend that she shouldn't and you won't.
 
There was no smoking around the child, she was always in another room. But the question i am asking is if afterwards she was able to " absorb " the 2nd hand smoke.
 
I will assume that it is Crystal Methamphetamine being smoked, and for what I know meth labs/meth dens have been known to cause intoxication symptoms in children and infants if the property was not properly cleaned when vacated by the cooks/dealers.
Properly cleaned means that solvents need to be used by a trained crew to wash every surface.
Children are usually the only possible victims as much lesser quantity is needed since they are physically smaller.

That being said, while the dangers from recrystallization of a single resident and occasional guest might be a theoretical concern, I would be more worried about securing the stash and pipe, and being fucking paranoid about making sure that no substance is manipulated in any way EVER except over one single chosen surface to be washed carefully at the end of every session.
This because I think a dropped shard is a much more probable danger than vapour recrystallizing inside the room in quantities sufficient to intoxicate a child.
Ofcourse I am assuming the smoking is being done close to the open window, and that the room is cleaned at least weekly.

And I would also be even more concerned about what kind of parenting will the kid be receiving, as a significant percentage of regular meth users might not be their best at being parents, especially when smoking or injecting is the chosen ROA.
 
Thanks for your response. The room was set up to where the fan was pulling air from the room outside. The door was always closed, I cannot know or assume how often she cleaned her room / bedding..... although anytime I was over there, her house was clean. Not spotless, as she is a single mom and does have a child, but way better then some people who aren't considered to be " junkies." I have the same feelings which is why after not being able to talk her into changing venues I told her I could no longer participate.... I think she is an ok mom, but what the hell do I know? The child is always fed, clean, has good quality clothes and appropriate toys etc. Emotionally speaking I am in agreement, she could definitely improve in this area, but obviously that is one of the many big reasons she does what she does. She has some problems, just like all of us I suppose.

I just wanted to make sure, that why it isn't my place to judge her or tell her how to raise her child, that she is taking steps to keep her child safe.... I guess the real question to ask however, is am I or am I not going to get CPS involved... While I love her to death, ultimately I need to realize that her bad habits and our friendship cannot cloud my judgement and put a child in danger.

If you cant tell I am super torn morally, emotionally, and am seriously just at a loss. I have put myself in yet another crap situation.
 
A parent's love can be a strong motivator, maybe you could introduce your friend to the notion that there is no guarantee, unless she stops her use, that she won't be arrested/reported, and that means immediate loss of custody.
 
I know this kind of shit goes on everyday, everywhere, and to a much, much worse extent than what you just described... but reading this literally turns my stomach. I?m glad you made the decision to no longer actively participate in her parental neglect/abuse. That?s what it is ? abuse.

As far as I?m concerned, if you have children, their needs come first, and that type of shit, if it was going on previously, comes to a stop. If you are unable to provide a safe home for your child/children, free of drug abuse that can and often does result in physical, emotional and psychological harm, you have no business being a parent. Even if it?s just weed ? but especially if we?re talking about more serious substances.

Having a child drastically and instantaneously changed how I live my life, and despite some of the issues I?ve had since having my child, I?ve NEVER put her in any danger or subjected her to seeing any kind of behavior of that sort. I honestly question what kind of individual could say otherwise.

As far as contacting CPS... Sadly, that is very rarely an option which benefits the child/children. It seems to me, more often than not, they intervene when they shouldn?t, and do nothing when they really should. Not to mention some of the horrifying situations children can find themselves in being placed with strangers, if it progresses to that. The entire scenario is often more traumatizing than the one they were removed from.

I would recommend trying to find out if there?s any family of this girl that you could go to, and possibly have assume care of the child. If that?s not an option, sometimes CPS is the only way to go, I suppose. Use your best judgment, without letting your personal feelings for the girl get in the way. This may be the only circumstances in which I say being a snitch is the right thing to do...
 
That is exactly why I feel so torn. While her mother might not be making good choices, and the substance being used is SO BAD for people, especially children, I really don't want to contact CPS for the fact that I have seen the evil side of the "system" and it is sooooo much worse than where she is at. I know deep down her mother does love her.... and I am not even saying she has to stop smoking... just if she insist on being involved in this life style, that she needs to do it away from where her daughter can be seeing, hearing, inhaling and god knows whatever else. I just can't seem to get what I see across to her. Today I actually ignored her calls. I know she wants to hang out and I love her dearly.. but I cant stand watching what is happening inside her home...it makes me too paranoid.

I mean what is to happen if the little was to find a rock or ingest enough residue to become VERY sick? I would never forgive myself if I was apart of that.
 
As you started this thread talking about using with your friend with her daughter in the house & asking about potential health implications & are now distancing yourself, wisely, from using with her, why not offer to look after the child once a week, see if the break improves matters any (even if she uses the break to use) and take it from there?

Sincere apologies if I'm mistaken, but it feels to me like there's a lot unsaid in this thread & possibly some kind of agenda
 
That is a good idea. And no there isn't an agenda, just lost on what to do as I feel very close and protective over her because of what we've been through. I don't want to hurt her, but I guess the truth of the matter is you can't save someone if they want to mess up their life. Ultimately the child should come first as was stated earlier...
 
It is such a hard situation. I definitely understand all your feelings from wanting to protect your friend (the mom) to wanting to protect the innocent child to not completely trusting that CPS will even improve things for the child. I have often thought about what I would do if I was in your situation and it is never clear, never easy and that's just thinking about it hypothetically. The child should always come first--after all, your friend's childhood trauma obviously has much to do with the situation she is in now; so repeating childhood trauma is going to extend the pain through one more generation (and yes, having an addicted parent is traumatic for both parent and child). This child (and this mother) is in a terrible position. It will be traumatic to remain and traumatic to be taken away. If the foster home is neglectful or worse it will add trauma upon trauma. We have a very good volunteer organization in my town called CASA. It pairs one caring, involved adult with one child that is a ward of the court (in foster care). This is a very good way to ensure that a traumatic situation is made as least damaging as possible.

I like Busperson's idea so much. Taking time to create a strong relationship with this child will help your friend but will also do wonders for her child. Do you feel like you are in any closer to wanting to stop using yourself? I know you have been quite torn about it and I'm wondering if this experience is helping tip you towards quitting yourself?
 
As you say you are so close to your friend, would you consider staying super close, so as to monitor her behaviour?
And be there to try and make her realize how she should change to be the best parent she can.
 
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