acid_raver
Ex-Bluelighter
You don’t exist. Just get that straight. You are reading this at the moment, but you don’t exist. You are my creation; you are an invention of my mind. My mind has convinced itself that it needs you. I need you to read my writing. You don’t exist. Don’t talk; I have a premonition of what you are going to say. Just read. You are nothing, you don’t exist. I don’t know how deep my brain goes, I don’t know how deep this hole leads. You are my brain, understand that. I don’t mean to sound insane, but everything you have lived, everything you have enjoyed, and taken pleasure in is a figment of my imagination. I deem it necessary for people like you to exist. I am not insane. Slip into my mode of thinking, you do not exist. You are nothing. I am imagining you reading this, nothing exists how I know it. This is a dream. You are a brief thought running through my brain. Every feeling you have felt, every mood you have experienced, all this is not real. You are sitting here, you are reading, you are confused. Good, I want you confused, I am not insane, and you do not exist. I am an intricate maze of thorns, and you are imbedded in my inner psyche. I have a feeling there is hollowness somewhere, in something, but since everything around me is fabricated I have no idea what it is. Every emotion and thought I have felt in my life so far is a lie. It is a convincible lie to ease my situation. I have no idea where I am, what is happening, and what is going to happen. I am a river of thought, processing your lives and understanding mine not at all. Darkness, blackness, words I have invented. My fingers graze your leg, but I am beginning to understand that this is not at all happening. You leg does not exist, I have created your leg. It is there because my brain allowed it. Attempting to sound as logical as I can, I am expecting you to be shocked by this. It was only a few weeks ago that I discovered the situation I am in. I am utterly alone, and extremely scared. I am confused. I have no one to turn to, I am alone in the complete sense of the word, the fact that I created the word sense. Sense would not exist were it not for me. Everything around me is comfort. It comforts my situation. The fact that eventually I will have to wake up and confront where I am is scary. I am in a bad headspace. The fact that I could fool myself for long enough to be comforted in the creations of my own brain is slightly comforting. Now that I have realized that you do not exist, I am alone. There is a room I will have to wake up to, that room is lonely and dark. There are paintings on the wall, but those painting could only mean one thing, I am still creating a world to fool and deceive my insane mind. Will I ever escape? My parents are comforting, they do not exist, they are imaginary. I am scared by the notion that things will be completely different one day when I wake up and have to confront this room I am sitting in imagining all of this. I wish I could of convinced myself that you were real until I died. I wish I could of fooled myself for my whole mortal life, and then had to confront it in afterlife. I think that would be a little easier. How it is now, I have to confront this in mortal life, making an impossible load for me to bear. How can this be happening to me, I wish I could slip back into my quiet ignorance. I wish you could once again become the real person you once were. You are no longer real, you do not exist. I am sorry, my world is crumbling, and you do not exist. All at once there is a blinding light, then nothing. And I am reborn.
