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women who use kids as a weapon

T. Calderone said:
My ex and I have shared custody of our son who is now 15. He had until recently never missed a weekend visit or weekdays even. Last year, my son got into trouble smoking weed and was expelled from school. His father (based solely on my weed smoking before he was born) tried to make real trouble and called Child Protection Service on me. Tried to say the kid must be getting weed from his mother and I was investigated. I had no trouble passing a drug test and the case was quickly closed. Still, what he did was vicious.

I have never asked for more child support since the order was put into place in 1999. Even though I lost my job in 2009, does not make me "unfit" and I have since had other work but quit this past May. My son was non-compliant with drug court and we told him over and over what the consequences would be, so he was placed in a residential treatment program late August. I spent every day this summer with him. Dad never once came for a visit or called my son which is just not like him. Especially at this point where he needs his dad the most.

Again, according to dad this is my fault and things are getting ugly again. He's gone behind my back to the counsellors at the hospital talking all sorts of shit. Saying this is an unsuitable environment and his grandfather is a "blackout drunk" and surely I must be "on something." Couldn't be furthur from the truth and this man has no idea what we do in our home. But loves to paint a very ugly picture of our family to strangers he feels may sympathise with his mud-slinging and believe his propaganda. In actuality, ex was arrested for DUI and also 2 counts of aggravated battery on a pregnant woman (me). But this was before Timmy was born and he doesn't drink anymore.

But I don't know what he will do next. My dad is paranoid that he will phone the authorities again. I say let him, because we have nothing to hide here. Drinking in you own home is legal, we don't get "black out drunk" over here. This is coming from a man who is a dry drunk and cannot handle even 1 beer. Has dragged his son to AA meetings since he was two and continued throughout. So he has the problem, not me. It makes me sick that this man continues to make pathetic attempts to make our family look like we are at fault for the kid's weed smoking. It's even worse when the boy's judge is also in recovery (opiates) and goes to these meetings so I'm waiting for him to crawl up her ass if he hasn't already. OK I will end this rant. Sorry eireann for derailing your thread. There has got to be some legal arrangement but I'm not sure how it works in Ireland.
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that guy is a joke unlike that dead beat i want to be entirely involved in my sons life,fair play to you.the last thing i want to do is make my exes job as a parent harder i just wish she would do the same for me.
 
Maybe she will come around. We had to go to conflict resolution therapy and cost us each $750! So 8 years later once his new wife dumped him, he can be a complete jackass all over again. Is hiring an attorney feasible? Or do they have reduced rates through the courts to help you get rights to him? It seems so unfair that you have to suffer and ultimately, your child too. I think about the mindfuck my son's father played on us and my hands are tied to try and fight back because I havn't the money.
 
T. Calderone said:
Maybe she will come around. We had to go to conflict resolution therapy and cost us each $750! So 8 years later once his new wife dumped him, he can be a complete jackass all over again. Is hiring an attorney feasible? Or do they have reduced rates through the courts to help you get rights to him? It seems so unfair that you have to suffer and ultimately, your child too. I think about the mindfuck my son's father played on us and my hands are tied to try and fight back because I havn't the money.
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my mother is helping me with solicitor fees,you can get one for free here but it takes too long,i dont know what to do the lil guys my life i miss him so much,just last week i had him 3 nights as i babysitted for her last sat to let her go out to the club and then she does this to me. it does not make any sense i have been very good to her! she could of had the life of reilly with our previous arrangement she had two nights off shes just got jealous of me and my sons relationship!
 
I wish you the best of luck with this - what happens if your ex starts to use your 'unwanted' visits against your child? A pretty sick game they can play is telling the child that they are taking them somewhere really special at the weekend, the kid gets all excited waiting for this special day. You show up and the mum says, your dads here so you cant go anymore ! The kid is upset at 'you' for spoiling the day, they don't want to go with you - are you going to seriously take them against their will only making them resent you more?

It's a very delicate area and unfortunately all cards are normally in the mothers hands. With your previous history of drug abuse / addiction then you can be considered a risk to your child etc yes you can then go down the route of 'supervised' visits but that comes with its own problems. Having to go to a safe place with a designated sitter etc. Imagine if your ex has been telling the child they are unsafe around you then when you show up you have to have a sitter with you? This again is going to make the child unwilling to go with you on your designated dates - if your ex can then show that the child is upset around you then your back to square one (but a good few grand lighter!)

It's an awful situation to find yourself in but unfortunately all too common in the UK / Ireland where the laws are still very biased against the missing father.
 
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It is unforunate for the children too... I`ll never understand why grown ass adults have to act in such a way to effect the kids. People can be so petty as to effect their relationships with their kids and hopefully someday the kids will see it for what it is, hurt feelings, money, and pride. It is really disgusting to me to see people put the kids in the middle of such bullshit.
 
iheartthisthread said:
It is unforunate for the children too... I`ll never understand why grown ass adults have to act in such a way to effect the kids. People can be so petty as to effect their relationships with their kids and hopefully someday the kids will see it for what it is, hurt feelings, money, and pride. It is really disgusting to me to see people put the kids in the middle of such bullshit.
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yes it is digusting...bear love she has a history too so that wont be held against me...i think!!!
 
busty, my ex did the same thing. moved 2 hours away, and is in contempt of our agreement. i tried to make it work without causing a stink, then she sued me for modification of our agreement.

i'm going to court next week to anally probe her with some justice. all she had to do was be cool. but she just wants more and more and more, while making it hard as shit for me to be a part of my kid's life. then telling me i'm a horrible dad, if i ever do take a weekend off. but part of her modification is to get some weekend time with our son, which i've given her.

it's amazing. i'll never do anything right in her eyes. i hate that bitch so much. i really wish that wasn't the case, but she makes it impossible for me not to.

she already tried to modify once, and the judge basically laughed at her, and told her she'd have to take it to trial, because she caused all of this. i'm expecting that we'll win again. but i'm currently pissing all of my money away on legal fee's, just to protect my relationship with my fucking kid.
 
Just don't be stupid enough to get kids. It's your own fault for surrendering to natures imperative, and you should be punished for it. I fully support them. They are capable of surpassing their self-destructive maternity instinct for their self-interest. I applaud them.
 
there goes another six hours off my visit,i asked her why and she replied because 'i said so'!!! like i said...EVIL!!!!
 
Jesus you guys, this thread makes me sad and pissed all at the same time. At least my daughter is old enough to know she acts just like her mother. It`s the younger kid i feel bad for and the parent, either the mom or the dad that is getting screwed over.
 
if you want to get pissed google fathers rights in the republic of ireland!!! i cant get my head around it,its making me hate my own country im ashamed by it!! and there is zero support for fathers over here! in my opinion 'fathers 4 justice uk and ireland' are a joke!! im off to my solicitor tomorrow so i will post his verdict on the situation.
 
could not use this solicitor as the courts outside his district was a waste of time. im going in to the city thursday and i will sort it then,i wanted to use a kildare court but seen as the first case was in kilkenny city i have to keep it based there....which is balls cause that judge is a useless fat dick!!!
 
lol women will even try to use unborn kids as weapons. Even if there not real! My ex who i just dumped pulled the im pregnant card and all i said was fuck off till you can show me proof. Haven't heard from her since.
 
chrisalt said:
lol women will even try to use unborn kids as weapons. Even if there not real! My ex who i just dumped pulled the im pregnant card and all i said was fuck off till you can show me proof. Haven't heard from her since.
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dont get me wrong all women arnt bad,but fuck me dude,i and most of my friends have had that card played on use too,lol there really are some crazy bitches out there.

just to add female judges in ireland have the highest rate of granting custody to fathers in family court.
 
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Your kids are young, eireann. I can only speak as the kid whose mom used to say all kinds of shit about my dad. My ex has 2 kids and they are BOTH guilty of talking shit about each other, and she used to use his kids against him.

For me, the shit my mom did worked for a while, but in my 20s I realized what she did was manipulative to get me not to talk to my dad. I was free to see him (she couldn't do anything...I was 16), but she told me stuff he said about me (lies) and it made me hate him and never speak to him. Now, it's turned against her, and I don't talk to her anymore. This will happen with your kids if that's what is done with them, so just make sure you never say anything bad about her to them. Kids don't like it, and it backfires. Let HER be the bad guy.
 
thanks lysis! im in shock i got an abusive phone call off her for liking [fathers rights ireland] on facebook. After she hung up i sent this message via text {you know its in the interest of eireann to have time with me and my family alot of dads get 2 or 3 nights a week with their kids. you are selfishly robbing your own son of bonding time from his dad and family. if i had him he would have a reasonable amount of time with his ma and your family,i had one night on own with him and one with his auntie and nanny and you ruined that for him,he loved it} i was hoping that this would appeal to her reasonable side but instead she phoned me back enraged telling me to grow a pair of balls and calling me every name under the sun,she does not have any feeling of guilt or compassion at all. i will say it again shes...EVIL!!!
 
This is sad as fuck, but eireann what i'm not understanding is how/why the fuck you stayed with this evil bitch for 5 years? This bitch sounds like a truly horrible person, why the hell would you stay with someone like this? I'm not going to ask why you had a baby with her, because i understand life isn't black and white there and things happen. But 5 years with a person like this? Did you not realize what this person was like at least a year into the relationship?
 
eireann said:
there goes another six hours off my visit,i asked her why and she replied because 'i said so'!!! like i said...EVIL!!!!
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This may sound petty / stupid but start to keep a written account. If you have two weekly visits keep a journal - just a simple one line but DATE and time it - show up no answer - show up was told unwell etc - show up kept waiting for six hours etc.

Fathers for justice seems to do more harm than good as they portray the absent father as some extreme nutter.
 
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