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Women making the first move

kaywholed said:
feminists wanted equal rights, so they should have just as much responsibility for initiating a relationship.
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Exactly^.

They also make just as much money if not more than us nowadays, so I see no problem in a woman asking me on a date, letting her pay, and not giving a fuck who sees this take place.

The week before Christmas I was in a store (one of my accounts) and I was working, when I was approached by a beautiful woman who initiated the conversation. She claimed she was interested in my company, but I could tell by the way she was looking at me, and her body language, that she this was not the case. So I gave her my card, struck through the business cell, writing in my personal cell number. She then leaves. 30 minutes later she calls me and tells me, I'd like to take you out on a date, how does that sound? I said, it sounds good. Turns out she is an RN and in no need of employment.

A week later she called me, came by and picked me up, took me to dinner and paid for everything, and I allowed her to. Had a good time with her as well.

How many of you would have said no?
 
gm777 said:
Exactly^.

They also make just as much money if not more than us nowadays, so I see no problem in a woman asking me on a date, letting her pay, and not giving a fuck who sees this take place.

The week before Christmas I was in a store (one of my accounts) and I was working, when I was approached by a beautiful woman who initiated the conversation. She claimed she was interested in my company, but I could tell by the way she was looking at me, and her body language, that she this was not the case. So I gave her my card, struck through the business cell, writing in my personal cell number. She then leaves. 30 minutes later she calls me and tells me, I'd like to take you out on a date, how does that sound? I said, it sounds good. Turns out she is an RN and in no need of employment.

A week later she called me, came by and picked me up, took me to dinner and paid for everything, and I allowed her to. Had a good time with her as well.

How many of you would have said no?
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You go girlfriend. (The RN, not you lol)

I don't think that would ever happen with me. I'm not that interested in anyone, plus I'm really shy IRL. I've met girls that I've known online, and I have tons of fun, but it's not a date situation of course. But, with men, I am not really one to appreciate a stranger's company, because I'm shy and there is too much pressure put on a first date. I've only ever gone out with a complete stranger twice and there was no chemistry both times. We had fun, but nothing was there. I just hate the whole first date thing. I've never enjoyed myself as much as I have with a guy I've spoken to on a casual level with 0 pressure for a while and then just one day it turns into something more. If there is that point that I've been able to chat with someone enough to like them, then I'd probably ask the guy to go out.
 
kaywholed said:
feminists wanted equal rights, so they should have just as much responsibility for initiating a relationship.

social norms are sexist and dumb.
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equal rights doesn't have to mean equal behavior. i think a woman making eye contact and smiling at a man is just as much a first move as a man walking up to a woman and introducing himself.
 
Lysis said:
awwww, artic. You know, I've been contemplating those thoughts myself for a while. I truly enjoy my alone time and only enjoy the company of a few people. I love my girlfriends, but I have had the worst luck with men in the last 4 years. Hell, I think this weekend has basically been my breaking point with my sister, so I have to cut another person out of my life. I get antsy and agitated when I'm around someone I really can't talk to, so that cuts out lots of men and women. lol

I wouldn't call the men useless though. They've taught me a lot about myself even if in the end I was so terribly depressed and sad at the outcome. I've thought (like you) "Well, had I just not dated this person, I'd be fine right now." But, it really is fulfilling to be with someone you really care about and knowing that person cares about you. Don't give up yet!
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Thanks. I am glad that you seem to still have the will to continue. Believing that there is hope and a future for me just makes it harder to deal with being unloved and unwanted. Some of us are simply used, abused, and disposed of until there is nothing left. Lather, rinse, repeat. I just need to come to terms with the fact that there is no one out there for me, and learn to wait for death in peace. I hope you find someone. If there is someone out there who I could be happy with then she will have to find me. I'm done.
 
Awww, artic. Your posts make me sad, man. :( I understand them, though. I was incredibly fucked over and depressed about 1 year ago. I really got burned badly. It was basically my breaking point, and like I said, I've thought about your position and how fulfilling it is to enjoy being alone and doing your own thing and avoid the relationship heartache. No one needs that bullshit. I totally understand that feeling. I've thankfully snapped out of it. It's a horrible place to be. I just don't like being in that "All people suck" zone, but I know that romantic outlook in life isn't reality either. I'm trying to stay grounded and keep to the middle. Everything in moderation, ya know?

I hope 2012 is better for you and I know I will agitate you, but I hope you find an amazing gal. :) Yes, I know you want to punch me in the face, but I'm gonna say it anyway. :)
 
double ewe said:
equal rights doesn't have to mean equal behavior. i think a woman making eye contact and smiling at a man is just as much a first move as a man walking up to a woman and introducing himself.
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Not really, maybe at night out at the club or bar, but I think it wouldnt count even then. What about the daytime game? A large part of my day is spent out in public and I smile and make eye contact with strangers all the time. I don't have any interest in asking any of them out. I'm just being polite.

For example the movie "Swingers" in one of the last scenes of he movie Vince Vaughns character thinks the beautiful woman across the diner is "vibing" him for several minutes. Turns out she's smiling at her baby who is sitting down low in a car seat but directly in their line of sight . He ends up looking like a complete jackass. Eye contact is pretty vague you know, that would have to be some fuckin fierce eye contact . Throw in a little come hither motion with your fingers or something a little more telling, maybe then you've got a first move.

Only my opinion...again no offense.
 
i wouldn't ask a girl out as i'd feel creepy or something. so if she asks me out that's perfect. lol. I think it's just old fashioned to think that a guy always has to do the asking out. The rest of society will agree/disagree depending on where you are from but here in canada, it's still commonplace for the double standard despite the enlightening idea that women can just as easily ask a man out.

This all feels a bit formal, basically it's a free for all in most circumstances.
 
Lysis said:
I just hate the whole first date thing. I've never enjoyed myself as much as I have with a guy I've spoken to on a casual level with 0 pressure for a while and then just one day it turns into something more. If there is that point that I've been able to chat with someone enough to like them, then I'd probably ask the guy to go out.
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Im the same way, the dating scenario feels to formal, forced.. perhaps even unnatural. Most of the women i've been with in the past began firstly as hanging out as friends and through this you slowly get to know each other and then maybe one day it moves onto something more, like a subtle progression of events.
 
Lysis said:
Awww, artic. Your posts make me sad, man. :( I understand them, though. I was incredibly fucked over and depressed about 1 year ago. I really got burned badly. It was basically my breaking point, and like I said, I've thought about your position and how fulfilling it is to enjoy being alone and doing your own thing and avoid the relationship heartache. No one needs that bullshit. I totally understand that feeling. I've thankfully snapped out of it. It's a horrible place to be. I just don't like being in that "All people suck" zone, but I know that romantic outlook in life isn't reality either. I'm trying to stay grounded and keep to the middle. Everything in moderation, ya know?

I hope 2012 is better for you and I know I will agitate you, but I hope you find an amazing gal. :) Yes, I know you want to punch me in the face, but I'm gonna say it anyway. :)
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I've been like this for about 4 years now. Early this year I met an amazing girl who lifted me out of it for awhile. Now it is over and I am worse than I ever was before. We are still friends, but when I talk to her she just tells me about everyone who she has slept with lately. I can't imagine I'll ever be lucky enough to meet someone who I connect with again. I feel that I have missed my one chance to be happy. Even if I did meet the right girl and she made the first move, I don't have the heart to go through it all again. I'm out of hope. You know, thanks anyway and good luck though.
 
artic said:
I've been like this for about 4 years now. Early this year I met an amazing girl who lifted me out of it for awhile. Now it is over and I am worse than I ever was before. We are still friends, but when I talk to her she just tells me about everyone who she has slept with lately. I can't imagine I'll ever be lucky enough to meet someone who I connect with again. I feel that I have missed my one chance to be happy. Even if I did meet the right girl and she made the first move, I don't have the heart to go through it all again. I'm out of hope. You know, thanks anyway and good luck though.
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Yeah, I hear ya. I totally understand. Plus, working on YOU is so fulfilling, and you always have to compromise when you get involved with someone.

Sorry about the girl. We conservative types do have our advantages. I still talk to all of my exes except for 1 or 2 and I wouldn't dream of talking about who I was with or what I was doing with other men. That's just so rude to me and totally heartless. I'm sorry about that.
 
Plenty women don't want to surrender this "traditional" role of expecting the guy to make the first move and call and lay it on the line so to speak. It must be nice to just sit there, be a shy person without a developed social personality and let it all come to you, but that's not really a good way to try to get what you really want. In fact, women traditionally made moves on men all the time. There's nothing weird or bad about it. Actually, now that I remember it happened to me a few times in Junior High and High School even though I didn't care about dating at all when I was young.

A woman that showed enough interest to actually ask me out would be a major turn on for me (considering I found her attractive to begin with) or at the very least a compliment to be thankful for. I like women who make me feel wanted that's for sure. I don't really care for these passive types that almost make you feel like you are forcing yourself on them and the times I dated those types, it wasn't fulfilling. People that try to get what they want by acting totally passive are annoying, and girls that tend to pick a man based on how aggressive he was in trying to court her are good targets for scam-artists.

Really, the "first move" is insignificant and no, I don't think so just because I'm a guy!!!
Making the "first move" is only important when you are playing a game, and you aren't playing games are you?
 
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RobotRipping said:
i wouldn't ask a girl out as i'd feel creepy or something. so if she asks me out that's perfect. lol. I think it's just old fashioned to think that a guy always has to do the asking out. The rest of society will agree/disagree depending on where you are from but here in canada, it's still commonplace for the double standard despite the enlightening idea that women can just as easily ask a man out.

This all feels a bit formal, basically it's a free for all in most circumstances.
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It's not creepy - it's self assured (unless you're totally delusional).

It is old-fashioned to think a guy should ALWAYS do it, but you're a man - get in the habit of taking charge of the situation - it's in our nature to take the lead, not be submissive...only a certain type of girl likes submissive guys.
 
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