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Women having other things that start with a "P" ya know.............

gildingthelily

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 15, 2012
Messages
8
Location
USA
Hi This is my first thread, so bear with me please

I'm a 32 year old female im not an ugly girl. BUT in all my life i've gotten along better with guys. Girls were always offeded by my comments and i guess i've just found that prissy shit annoying. Guys are much more layed back. dont have to cqall them everyday or every week and dont make drama about it. I didn't sleep with them, even tho i was labled a slut for hanging around the guys, which therefore, made the girls not like me cuz they thought i was hitting on their man, or didnt want their man looking at me. blah blah blah

ok well, not to long ago i was venting to a friend of mine, and said every guy friend in you life has ulterior motives. i'm not sure if he cursed me, but since then, everyone of them in my life has proven this.

So my question might be stupid and obvious but seriously, is it that hard for a guy to take a woman serious and want to be her friend because of her not her pussy?

in the last 2months, i swear to you ive been proposed to (unformally) twice, and approached twice to start a relationship. and one of them will not take No for an answer, so i have to elimniate him, which makes me very sad.
I just broke up with my 5 year relationship 2months ago. and their coming out of the wood work!
 
I have had exactly the same issues. I do not seem to relate very well to a lot of females, although I do have a few very close female friends. I have always had close male friends also, and a lot of these friendships have had to end after many years due to my friends developing feelings and eventually needing to express these.

It is sad, but it's something that just seems to happen unfortunately. I have lost one of my closest friends over this, and it was horrible. It got to the point where he was unable to continue the friendship after many years as his feelings had grown too strong, and it was hurting him to spend time with me. With that being said, I have a few male friends that I have been close with for many years, and they have not even hinted at anything. Some will develop feelings, others won't. I suppose it's just like any friendship - some stand the test of time, but many end for one reason or another.
 
Heh, same boat. I am hopeless at relating to women -- I'm not sure what it is, I'm just not good at it.

At the moment I've got a couple of male friends, who really don't know me very well at all - and that suits me just fine. We hang out and chat shit, go to lunch, watch films.... but don't go beyond any of that. It's great. I've always come off badly from when friends decide to get overly involved in my life. Some friendships end naturally, and some have to be ended with great drama and personal cost.

As for the 'ulterior motive' thing. I wanna say it's not true, but I think it probably is. When I was younger, at uni and post uni, I had a great big gang of friends, good mix of all sorts, we had some great times. But yeah....I'm no longer in touch with the two guys I was especially close to, as I dated both of them. One of them had a fairly organic get-together -- the other one literally just declared his love out of the blue.

Those two hurt the most because we were good friends before, and it wasn't a quick drunken fumble, both were ~year long relationships. But thinking about it, many of my male friends have tried it on at one time or another. To be fair to men, I'm sure I've thrown myself at a few of them too. Have found it reasonably easy to get over the purely pussy-related advances of friends -- I guess mostly they've involved a booze blackout, so I don't really remember much anyway.
 
I'm a guy and I can tell you not all guys are like that. I have some female friends that are very attractive! Like all my mates are crazy about them! But to me they are my friends male or female. One girl, bare in mind we were both single and living in a shared house together! We got on great, would go out together at night, have many a coked up session trying to give each other relationship advice! Lol
Point is, neither of us saw it as more than friends and we got on great :)
 
It should be added that men also have other things that start with a "P" because I've had to go through the same thing of alienating female friends who have developed feelings for me. This kind of shit just happens when two straight people of the opposite sex spend a lot of time together. I mean, it makes perfect sense to get it on with a person with whom you have a good personal bond. Guys just tend to make their feelings clear quicker because we are used to being more aggressive when it comes to getting a romantic partner, but this whole issue definitely affects guys the same way so it would be nice if the females wouldn't jump in here to just malign the guys
 
Indeed, true. I suppose I was lucky that in almost all cases there was attraction from me too. So I suppose the guys who lost me as a friend through those experiences could probably get together and malign women :)
 
Not the same issue in full. I have female friends as well as male. The two (platonic) friends with whom I am closest are both male; one is straight and the other is bi. Straight one is single, bi one is playing the field for both teams. ;)

I value my friends regardless of gender and I really enjoy that I've made female friends over the years. I don't look at friendship as competition and neither do my female friends. We share stories, watch shitty TV, go to events that guys really wouldn't enjoy.

I will identify with your point that the boys seem to be coming out of the woodwork now that I've split with my ex, it's been about 2 months also. And not even referring to guys I already know. Strangers who notice that I'm not wearing a ring and that I'm paying more attention to my appearance/demeanor are reacting favorably; I have a coffee date on Sunday with a guy I met at the supermarket. Probably not the future Mr. Mariposa, but it will be nice to have a guy that isn't a jackass buy me coffee. :)
 
I've had plenty of good looking female friends that I never in a million years would have crossed that boundary for, unless they asked. Understand that if you are good looking, your guy friends want to fuck you. For many men, there is a difference between wanting to fuck somebody and wanting to have a relationship with them, and it is possible for us to calculate that trying to fuck a friend of ours might not be worth losing the friendship. You have to get used to the idea that most guys would fuck you on the spot if you offered, and figure out who is going to stay with you should you never offer.

There are a couple girls I'm working on who seem like they would be cool to chill with platonically, but that I would also love to get with. I'm not really sure where to go with that, I'm thinking about trying to get with them, and if my attempts are unsuccessful I will try to hang out with them in a platonic sense. Not really sure how women would react to that though, if they believe that because I tried once I would never respect their boundaries (I would absolutely respect their boundaries) in the future, or if they would understand where I am coming from by putting everything out there on the table and accepting their decision either way. I know I would be able to accept it, see which friends of yours accept your decisions and which ones show a lack of respect for you boundaries.
 
As a dude, I can say for sure that it's possible to have platonic female friends... but only if there is absolutely no way we can have a sexual relationship. For example, I'm friends with a smart girl who's funny and I genuinely enjoy her company. I would fuck her brains out if she let me, but she knows that that's all I want to do (I don't like her enough to date her) and she's not down with that. There's also my brother's current girlfriend who's very intelligent and she's one of the few people I would ever talk to about girl problems. Obviously I'm not hitting on her out of loyalty to my brother, but even if they broke up I would never, ever, EVER date this girl. God forbid I fall in love with her. I'd have to live with the knowledge that I'm in love with my little brother's sloppy seconds. That's fucking disgusting. Point being: it's possible to have platonic friends and be happy about it.

That said, I think most guys who have platonic female friends actually want a sexual relationship with those girls, but are just too big of pussies to make a move. For you ladies who say that you have mostly male friends, I'm betting you fall into this category. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but please do not go through life ignorant of the fact that 99% of straight guys want to fuck you.
 
First of all i'd like to thank everyone for their insight on this subject.

Second, Ive come to terms with 99% of them wanting to fuck me, thats excpected - they're human- but when they confess their love and wanting more, and i explain why i don't think thats a good idea... they then (not all of them but 3 of these 4 have) won't do me any favors, cuz i won't be with them. for example: i just moved in to this place and i needed help carrying a matress up the steps, i call this guy cuz he was the closest, and he replied with- "if i come over there, can i spend the night" Me- "ah, no" Him-"well i'm not coming over to help you then"
 
Not all guys are like that but there are definitely many guys that have an ulterior motive.

Also, I don't understand what's with all these girls saying "I can't relate to other girls" and being insulting and whatnot. Yes, there are some girls who you can't relate to, just like there will be some guys you can't relate too. Maybe you haven't made the effort to make female friends?? It isn't about the gender - it's about the person. Not all girls start drama. I don't see why the gazillion girls that I hear "I don't get along with most girls, I only get along with guys" - why don't they all just become friends? Since they are all drama-free and whatnot???
 
Not always. I have several female friends that I'm attracted to on some level, but I recognize that it would never work, and leave it at that. After a while it tends to mellow into something a little less than antipathy--at least in my case. A good friend of mine stayed over once, a friend who by her own admission has a guy in every port. We had the whole day alone together, and I suspect--though I'll never be able to prove it--that if I'd made a move it would not have been rebuffed. I didn't though, and do not regret it (and even less with all that's happened in my life since then); I think it's definitely possible to be sexually attracted to someone and still have no desire to *actually* be physically intimate with them.
 
yeah, i've been reading this thread, and like absolutely disappointed. does that mean my best guy friends can only look at me like a bunch of holes? does ChickenScratch only hang out with me because he wants to fuck me? are all these guys who i count among my friends only my friend because they want to fuck? how awful, and makes men sound like weak sex obsessed people.
 
First of all i'd like to thank everyone for their insight on this subject.

Second, Ive come to terms with 99% of them wanting to fuck me, thats excpected - they're human- but when they confess their love and wanting more, and i explain why i don't think thats a good idea... they then (not all of them but 3 of these 4 have) won't do me any favors, cuz i won't be with them. for example: i just moved in to this place and i needed help carrying a matress up the steps, i call this guy cuz he was the closest, and he replied with- "if i come over there, can i spend the night" Me- "ah, no" Him-"well i'm not coming over to help you then"

Probably a douchey way for him to say it, but what do you expect? If he has feelings for you and you don't then why should he waste time hanging out with you?

yeah, i've been reading this thread, and like absolutely disappointed. does that mean my best guy friends can only look at me like a bunch of holes? does ChickenScratch only hang out with me because he wants to fuck me? are all these guys who i count among my friends only my friend because they want to fuck? how awful, and makes men sound like weak sex obsessed people.

You're jumping to conclusions. It's possible to want to have sex with someone and still like them as a person. On the other hand, it's damn near impossible to like someone as a person and not want to have sex with them (physically repulsive people aside).
 
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Whoa now ladies. There are lots of girls that use this very excuse to justify leading on guys. Some girls have an extremely skewed of what "friendship" with a guy is, and seem to think that the intense attention that a guy gives when attracted to her is "friendship". Guys can certainly be friends with girls in a non-sexual way, but it has to be clearly defined as such from the beginning. If the relationship begins ambiguously and evolves into a lot of time and attention being paid to the girl (and readily accepted by the girl), then it is probable that such a situation has developed. Friendship with a guy does not involve him paying the girl the level of attention he would pay a girlfriend. That level of attention is only given to women who appear to the guy to be engaging in a sexual relationship. The actual friendship (non-sexual) that happens between a guy and girl is distinctly casual and doesn't involve nearly as much attention being paid to the girl.

Not every situation is like this, certainly, but when the situation involves women who have exclusively male friends, I find this to be fairly common.
 
Mmmh. I hang out with guys more and I think only 3 of them out of a much longer list over the years ended up asking me out. Let it also be said that I've been in a reverse situation where I'd get a crush on one of my guy friends whose feelings were unreturned. You might just be unlucky but I do agree with the previous poster that maybe you might be acting in a way that's leading them on, even though you might be unaware of that?
 
eh...the "I can only stay friends with men" women are fooling themselves, and they are quite annoyingly naive. My sister is one of them, although if you ask her, she thinks she's the friendliest person alive...get into her group though and her male friend pays attention to another girl, and she is nasty as shit. Usually, these women are attention-needing clueless people who can't understand that all the men are hanging all over them, because they have either been friend-zoned or the guy is just waiting for his chance to get it in. None of these women can relate to other women, because they are difficult to get along with, it's usually THEM with the issues, and the thought of another girl getting the attention from their male "friends" sends them into a nasty frenzy.

If you can't get along with females at all, it's probably YOU not THEM. And, you need to take a hard look at why you only befriend men (the men are usually straight too..not gay men).

Sure, you can have male friends, but if you can't for the life of you get along with women, then it's probably you, not them.
 
My experience shows that men and women can be true friends only after the sexual tension is somehow relieved. It sometimes just fades away, sometimes one or other has a crush and then it'll pass, sometimes it will end in bed... But I have also had lot of guy friends and with every one of them I can see the pattern of our relationship starting out a bit flirty, then somehow tension got resolved and ONLY after that we could be real friends.
 
eh...the "I can only stay friends with men" women are fooling themselves, and they are quite annoyingly naive. My sister is one of them, although if you ask her, she thinks she's the friendliest person alive...get into her group though and her male friend pays attention to another girl, and she is nasty as shit. Usually, these women are attention-needing clueless people who can't understand that all the men are hanging all over them, because they have either been friend-zoned or the guy is just waiting for his chance to get it in. None of these women can relate to other women, because they are difficult to get along with, it's usually THEM with the issues, and the thought of another girl getting the attention from their male "friends" sends them into a nasty frenzy.

If you can't get along with females at all, it's probably YOU not THEM. And, you need to take a hard look at why you only befriend men (the men are usually straight too..not gay men).

Sure, you can have male friends, but if you can't for the life of you get along with women, then it's probably you, not them.




I didn't say i don't have ANY girl friends, i said i get along better with guys, less drama, gossip, and undies in a bundle if i say something that offends.
as far as your sister, i feel for her. But thanks for bringing up probably the #1 prime example of why we don't get along with girls....
 
yeah, i've been reading this thread, and like absolutely disappointed. does that mean my best guy friends can only look at me like a bunch of holes? does ChickenScratch only hang out with me because he wants to fuck me? are all these guys who i count among my friends only my friend because they want to fuck? how awful, and makes men sound like weak sex obsessed people.

OMG! this is the third time ive wrote this and keep hitting the wrong button to reply!

Anyways,
I'm NOT saying that this is how every guy is. Definatley NOT! But this is how i've been felling with the guys in my life right now.
they all know where i stand, everything is out on the table-
i'm not leading them on, i'm not flaunting my shit around, i like to be taken seriously and with respect.
and i guess i am dealing with a real douche if i can't call my FRIEND to help me with a matress without expecting to be slapped in the face pretty much because he wants more and i said No... doesn't seem right when at the end of the conversation everything was ok. Seems like even if i was thinking about it, which i wasnt, i'm definately not now! And hes got alot of growing up to do. ANd considering hes 45 chances are unlikely
I guess what it boils down to is that i've never had to "dismiss" or end a friendship over this and it sucks!! And i'm having to end 4!!??
I don;t know how to go about this other than tell them i can't be friends with them, and when they call avoid them?
 
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