women and drugs

[pennywise]

its strange
that the things
that have made me happiest in life
are also the things
that have left me
the most alone

they still exist
somewhere out there
but i dont have
any of them

maybe im just not strong enough
to hold on to them
or maybe
im so damn studid
that i have destroyed any place for them
in my life

either explanation
has its merits
its just a question
of whether i have built walls
or
if i have done nothing
and by a failure of omission
the walls have built themselves

and so i ask myself
often
when i am lying alone
in the dark
if it matters
to anyone
even to me

watching seasons pass
and listening
to the hiss-plunk sound
that that the plumbing makes
in an empty room
i count the seconds
between lightning strikes
and the conjoined roll of thunder
one two three

and i wonder
who is it that cares?

i know its not anyone
it never is
was

i dream
but i dont remember
what of

 

[New]

I like this. The way it's written, it seems as if you're telling a story and it melts into the air, like an ignored plea. Very wishful and remorseful.