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Woke up face down in the carpet

T

TheDeceased

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 21, 2000
Messages
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Location
Beyond the Grave
I'm an alcoholic.

I've started waking up in weird places: bus stops, random people's houses, my back yard, etc. Today (at like 8pm) I woke up face down in the carpet in a storage room. I never go in there. But it's better than waking up in my underwear in some random dudes house. I have a hangover like an explosion, and six cold beers and a couple of ounces. There is no way I'm not going to drink them and smoke them. I don't know where I'm going to wake up next. It seems like it just keeps going on and on. I have about a dozen large bruises that I have no idea how I got. My knuckles are bleeding and there are shards of glass sticking out of my arm.

I know it's wrong but I like to get drunk and get violent.

I don't know what I did this time.

There's also shards of glass scattered throughout my house. I just stood on one. But there's no broken bottles or windows... (?!?)

I don't know what the point of this thread is.
 
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to maybe find out the point of your drinking?

id be disturbed, and been by alcohol, too many times.
how long have you been drinking like this for?

i believed such heavy black-outs were mostly common with chronic drinkers, as well as a heavy physical dependence.
have you ever seeked help for your drinking?
 
Yeah I created a thread a while back and went to AA but it was too religious.

After discussing it with people, I'm not sure if there is a heathen option.
 
i hear you.

and do not attend aa/na, but see absolute value in the steps, and do practice many, intentionally and not actually.

so far you sound like you feel pretty powerless over the stuff...?
a higher power, well thats easy.
mines jesus h christ, i mean, nature... nature, if someone cant accept that, then i don't know..

but by doing so, i am able to look at the occurrences, and patterns in nature, and relate them to many aspects of my life, its rather humbling, and the thought of this world and the universe, and all the plants and animals, make drinking seem pitiful.
to me.

with the respect of nature, i have a further respect for life, and mine.

my wrongs, they are in the past, i have to accept i can not change the past, and my choices, but in the further i can take steps to avoid these consequences. with a greater self awareness, though nature, and with out alcohol in my life or body.
 
The problem is I am so chronically depressed that if given the option I will chose inebriation every time, and I guess alcohol is just the most readily available option. Despite the fact that I have 50 grams/ 10 tabs of acid, I cannot get from work to home without drinking around six beers. I'd rather not drink but as soon as I finish work, I start drinking. I drink on the bus. The bus drivers know me. They don't mind. Sometimes it pisses me off how accepting everyone is. But if they weren't it would be worse really. By the time I get home, I am drunk. When I wake up, I'm hungover so I drink. I know it's stupid, but I feel like I can't deal with anything else.

At least, sometimes when I drink, I smile.

how long have you been drinking like this for?
Click to expand...

About six months. I decided a while back that I would die if I continued, but alas I have not.
 
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"The problem is I am so chronically depressed that if given the option I will chose inebriation every time"

that is a problem, but the language you chose could be as well, for example:
'The problem is I am so chronically depressed, that the option of inebriation is one option I have chosen too many times'
&
"I can get from work to home without drinking"
sounds silly, but over time, you start to trap yourself
hehe
;)

IDK, the depression, the hangovers/addiction, the social acceptance in your surroundings, the reliability of it to knock you out,,, are all things that seem to have you in a loop with the stuff, in a bad way.
its hard to escape, its designed to be.

rise above

yes alcohol can create some big grins~
=D
but what else has brought these smiles, along with the rest you've described...?
 
A way some people end up quitting is that they get so drunk they black out, do something really violent, wake up in a jail cell, and end up sentenced to many years in prison where alcohol is very hard to come by. I've always thought that method would really suck and I personally can not recommend it.

Prescriptions that help people curtail their drinking or achieve abstinence include acamprosate, naltrexone, and topamax (I think it is an off label use for topamax) I'm betting there are a lot of approaches you haven't tried yet.
 
oh no

there is plenty of booze in prison...
lots of drugs everywhere.

it would just take a lot of acclimating before being able to gut it.
the crude drink, plus the horror of_______ while stewing in there though, is an entirely different story.
 
I woke up severely injured in a holding cell recently. It didn't make much of a difference. The thing that bothers me about drinking is that I don't know what's happened to me. There are so many episodes of my life that are just missing. The last thing I remember last night was throwing a beer at my neighbors house. I guess I deserve whatever has happened to me. When I'm sober I'm a nice person. When I'm drunk (which is most of the time) I am a fucking idiot.
 
maybe not for difference for yourself, that time..

but if had woke up, and learned you hurt someone, who didn't deserve to be...

maybe you deserved an ass kicking, last night.
but you don't deserve to black out, only to behave against your nature.

sorry, not trying to come at you too much.
i just hate when nice people, let that shit decide for them to become a blacked-out loon, and get hurt, or hurt someone else.

<3
:)
 
Yeah I hate myself. I'm like Jekyll and Hyde. I do deserve a serious ass kicking and I get them on a regular basis. I'm very skinny. When I get into fights I don't win them most of the time, no matter how drunk I am.

I don't know why I'm saying this.

This thread makes me feel a little self-conscious.
 
i used to be a scrapper, but fighting drunk, never worked out well.

left me rather tenacious,,, but.


ive heard worse here man,,, ;-) nothing to be self-conscious about.
you're speaking the truth.

i could merge it into the "Alcohol Discussion" thread if you'd like though.
 
No, look, honestly I appreciate the encouragement. Maybe being self conscious is a good thing. I wish I had someone in my life to help me. Someone tangible. Since my divorce I've just been becoming more distant from people, even when I'm around them.

Everyone I know is a fuck up anyway. I'm not blaming them, but when I've tried to quit things, I don't really have anything else to do. My whole life is some level of inebriation. I go from drunk to stoned to rolling to tripping to speeding to blah blah blah.

I'm scared of being sober.
 
Every time I drink a beer it is a failure on my part.

That's four failures so far today and counting.

Going out to the pub now to meet some people.

Sometimes I wonder, considering how depressed/suicidal I am, whether or not the alcohol is keeping me alive.
 
yeah.

it is a massive rebirth, especially after this for so long.


honestly inpatient rehab, after detox, would be the best way to do this, and allow you the time to find what you enjoy doing. this isn't always possible unfortunately.

it is not easy being around the same ol places and people, well it aint easy no matter what.
it is scary to start to become sober, to imagine life in a way that you cant control.
but oh man i swear, the thought of drinking now, is damn scary, such a dreadful thought to me.

fuck it took months to realize, i did not want the stuff in my body anymore, but once that became clear, the rest was easy.


damn i wish i could do something for you.
but someone else will, once noticing how you are sincerely trying to help yourself.
if you can manage such intoxication, a job, and acquiring the stuff, you have the fight in you to not.

you may not feel hopeful, but if not, i swear you sound it.
if you didn't, i would of sent this off, or closed it, not responded.
im so sorry that this shit is happening this way...

<3
 
I'm not sure where you live, but in the US there is a group called "Rational Recovery" which is a non-religious, non 12-step program that has group meetings. If the only thing between you and getting some help is the religious stuff, you might give that a try. Look on the net, there's a lot of options out there.

You really can't escape depression by using drugs or drinking- believe me, I have tried so hard to do this. You have to face what's going on with you sooner or later. I have tried so many times to avoid my problems, it's still really hard for me to face shit square on. Avoidance, however, has yet to work. I'm getting old now and out of hundreds of tries, it's worked out zero times. I'm not trying to preach to you here, I'm just saying it's been futile for me and I only wasted so much time and effort. However, these are things we usually have to figure out for ourselves when only we are ready.

If you want to get out of this cycle you're in (and I believe you do), I might suggest you do 1 little thing each day to move yourself forward. Like today- just look up some type of secular help you might get on the net. Just take like 15 minutes to do this. You could even do it while you're drinking. Maybe tomorrow, you could just take down a few phone numbers to call. The next day, call the numbers and so on. Little steps each day.Even as little as like 10 minutes a day will help you.

All the best my friend.
 
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