*Cosmic Mist*
Bluelighter
I
You look at me with a lustful expression,
With only your eyes you make me believe
That your actions come from meaningful passion –
Nothing this strong is hard to believe.
So I fall.
I fall to happy oblivion,
Ignorant Euphoria,
Euphoric Bliss.
My perceptions changed by one tiny action,
A meaningful glance, a powerful kiss…
II
…now for a second time this long, dreary day
I’ve been played for a fool and left feeling dismayed.
I’ve been hurt and let down - feeling so alone
As I turn back to the north and make my way home.
I honestly thought that you gave a damn
And weren’t going to try that same pathetic plan
To take from me what you want and then leave.
I was so foolish - but you made me believe
That you weren’t one who would deceive!
Instead you took me and pulled me apart.
You abandoned and left me alone in the dark,
And when I thought my secrets you’d hear,
I looked to find you’d disappeared…
Perhaps it was too much to ask
Not to be taken and ripped apart.
Perhaps ‘tis I who should be shamed
For expecting something other than how you behaved…
…And it seems that I will be punished yet,
For in my dreams you still, me, beset,
Although you seem somehow to forget,
That it’s I who loves you, despite your lack of respect!
Maybe it’s just that you are afraid
That I might leave you one of these days
For another, whose love and directed advice
Might be the final destructive device.
Well bare in mind that it’s you whom I love
With more fever and reverence than any spirit above!
Why would I choose to hurt you so
When your love is all I desire to know?
You say that all good things, in time, change.
You tell me that I will leave you for another someday.
Let me assure you: That isn’t my plan!
I intend to be here for as long as I can!
I live to love…
… And I love you alone…
III
Don’t dare think that I’m thinking of you!
Don’t dare believe that I miss your abuse
And misleading gestures, actions and words!
Don’t dare think that your faults were, to me, blurred!
I don’t miss your tender embrace
And the way I was lost in your endless gaze!
I don’t hurt for the trust that, in you, I misplaced –
As one might in an angel fallen from grace.
Nor do I feel tired, broken or worn,
Or lost, abandoned, or even forlorn,
Because you didn’t mean that much to me…
At least that’s what I’m trying to believe.
But it’s hard just to sit and smile
When you’re the one I’ve wanted all the while,
And now I know your thoughts on me
I feel, not just stupid, but also deceived!
It was you who made me think
That my feelings, into you, I should sink!
You gave me signs that seemed to say
That yes, you too, felt the same!
Or perhaps it was simply my mistake
And you never really did forsake
Me, but rather put me on the right path
So that our friendship might still last.
But that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt –
I loved you, without knowing how or why.
I accepted you for who you were…
… You were almost perfect in my eyes…
Now it’s I who lies broken and bleeding alone –
A victim of words that bruise like stones!
It is I who knows not how to cope!
It is I who lives without dreams or hope!
You will live your life the same -
Treating everything like an endless game!
Don’t deny that this much is true
For consequences mean nothing to you!
You sit and moan about your lack of love
And faith in spirits far above,
But when these things are then freely given
You reject them in ways that can’t be forgiven!
You make believe that you care not
When the offer then is retracted and thus forgot!
Can’t you see that this path leads to a lifetime of hurt
And a lonely bed dug for you in sodden dirt?
Forsaken, forgotten – your presence not missed,
This’ll be the result of your chemical bliss…
I know you have the ability to change!
Others have witnessed your better days!
I only wish I meant enough
For you to finish this meaningless bluff…
You see, I’m not like the others you’ve met –
Those that filled you with heinous regret –
I am one who understands respect,
Whose loved ones never suffer at the hands of neglect!
I will love you to my own detriment
And furnish the emotions I know you need!
I will shield you from each harsh element,
So that when you are cut, it is I who shall bleed!
The proof of this you regard as you read
(These words scribed for you while my own fingers bleed
And burning mind races to word out this plead
To the only man who can make me feel wholly complete!)
But I’m sure I’m sure your ears are deaf to my words,
As I’m sure that your eyes are blind to see
That you’re numbed by the taste of bitter deceit,
Which is the reason why you cannot feel me…
IV
So I offer you but one more chance
To take my offer – all I have to give.
This second chance comes but once,
And your heavy silence is siccative…
V
Thus here lies my meaningless destitution!
Here fall my dreams in a puddle of mud!
Here are my wishes - abandoned, forgotten...
Here in this world - you've left me dumb.
And there you dance still in your nightmare oblivion,
trapped in a void of chemical dreams,
maintaining your path on this separate meridian -
lost in a world that can't glitter, just gleam...
But how could you know all the things you are missing:
the love you're forsaking, your desires turned to waste,
when you dance to the tune of some unknown rhythm
ignoring what remains of your better days?
I do not know when you'll cease this delirium
And forget your obsession with this destructive dance,
But until you decide this life isn't worth living
I cannot but leave you in this destructive trance.
There you will stay 'til some dramatic event:
some horrible action you can't circumvent.
Only then will you realise the all the time you have wasted,
Only then will you long for the love you've left behind
While dancing your life to this obscene rhythm,
Claiming omniscience,
Not seeing you're blind...
You look at me with a lustful expression,
With only your eyes you make me believe
That your actions come from meaningful passion –
Nothing this strong is hard to believe.
So I fall.
I fall to happy oblivion,
Ignorant Euphoria,
Euphoric Bliss.
My perceptions changed by one tiny action,
A meaningful glance, a powerful kiss…
II
…now for a second time this long, dreary day
I’ve been played for a fool and left feeling dismayed.
I’ve been hurt and let down - feeling so alone
As I turn back to the north and make my way home.
I honestly thought that you gave a damn
And weren’t going to try that same pathetic plan
To take from me what you want and then leave.
I was so foolish - but you made me believe
That you weren’t one who would deceive!
Instead you took me and pulled me apart.
You abandoned and left me alone in the dark,
And when I thought my secrets you’d hear,
I looked to find you’d disappeared…
Perhaps it was too much to ask
Not to be taken and ripped apart.
Perhaps ‘tis I who should be shamed
For expecting something other than how you behaved…
…And it seems that I will be punished yet,
For in my dreams you still, me, beset,
Although you seem somehow to forget,
That it’s I who loves you, despite your lack of respect!
Maybe it’s just that you are afraid
That I might leave you one of these days
For another, whose love and directed advice
Might be the final destructive device.
Well bare in mind that it’s you whom I love
With more fever and reverence than any spirit above!
Why would I choose to hurt you so
When your love is all I desire to know?
You say that all good things, in time, change.
You tell me that I will leave you for another someday.
Let me assure you: That isn’t my plan!
I intend to be here for as long as I can!
I live to love…
… And I love you alone…
III
Don’t dare think that I’m thinking of you!
Don’t dare believe that I miss your abuse
And misleading gestures, actions and words!
Don’t dare think that your faults were, to me, blurred!
I don’t miss your tender embrace
And the way I was lost in your endless gaze!
I don’t hurt for the trust that, in you, I misplaced –
As one might in an angel fallen from grace.
Nor do I feel tired, broken or worn,
Or lost, abandoned, or even forlorn,
Because you didn’t mean that much to me…
At least that’s what I’m trying to believe.
But it’s hard just to sit and smile
When you’re the one I’ve wanted all the while,
And now I know your thoughts on me
I feel, not just stupid, but also deceived!
It was you who made me think
That my feelings, into you, I should sink!
You gave me signs that seemed to say
That yes, you too, felt the same!
Or perhaps it was simply my mistake
And you never really did forsake
Me, but rather put me on the right path
So that our friendship might still last.
But that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt –
I loved you, without knowing how or why.
I accepted you for who you were…
… You were almost perfect in my eyes…
Now it’s I who lies broken and bleeding alone –
A victim of words that bruise like stones!
It is I who knows not how to cope!
It is I who lives without dreams or hope!
You will live your life the same -
Treating everything like an endless game!
Don’t deny that this much is true
For consequences mean nothing to you!
You sit and moan about your lack of love
And faith in spirits far above,
But when these things are then freely given
You reject them in ways that can’t be forgiven!
You make believe that you care not
When the offer then is retracted and thus forgot!
Can’t you see that this path leads to a lifetime of hurt
And a lonely bed dug for you in sodden dirt?
Forsaken, forgotten – your presence not missed,
This’ll be the result of your chemical bliss…
I know you have the ability to change!
Others have witnessed your better days!
I only wish I meant enough
For you to finish this meaningless bluff…
You see, I’m not like the others you’ve met –
Those that filled you with heinous regret –
I am one who understands respect,
Whose loved ones never suffer at the hands of neglect!
I will love you to my own detriment
And furnish the emotions I know you need!
I will shield you from each harsh element,
So that when you are cut, it is I who shall bleed!
The proof of this you regard as you read
(These words scribed for you while my own fingers bleed
And burning mind races to word out this plead
To the only man who can make me feel wholly complete!)
But I’m sure I’m sure your ears are deaf to my words,
As I’m sure that your eyes are blind to see
That you’re numbed by the taste of bitter deceit,
Which is the reason why you cannot feel me…
IV
So I offer you but one more chance
To take my offer – all I have to give.
This second chance comes but once,
And your heavy silence is siccative…
V
Thus here lies my meaningless destitution!
Here fall my dreams in a puddle of mud!
Here are my wishes - abandoned, forgotten...
Here in this world - you've left me dumb.
And there you dance still in your nightmare oblivion,
trapped in a void of chemical dreams,
maintaining your path on this separate meridian -
lost in a world that can't glitter, just gleam...
But how could you know all the things you are missing:
the love you're forsaking, your desires turned to waste,
when you dance to the tune of some unknown rhythm
ignoring what remains of your better days?
I do not know when you'll cease this delirium
And forget your obsession with this destructive dance,
But until you decide this life isn't worth living
I cannot but leave you in this destructive trance.
There you will stay 'til some dramatic event:
some horrible action you can't circumvent.
Only then will you realise the all the time you have wasted,
Only then will you long for the love you've left behind
While dancing your life to this obscene rhythm,
Claiming omniscience,
Not seeing you're blind...
