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Without You

E-girl

E-girl

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 23, 1999
Messages
4,525
Location
PA, USA
Without you, I will be strong.
I will open doors that remained shut in my life for too long.
I will go out and become a whole person again, a person that lives for ME and not for you.
I will go out and reaquire my existence.
I will find the girl i used to be.. someone who was strong, smart, and unique.
I will not cry for you. I will not sit up at night and long for you.
I can be me without you.
Without you, I will be happy.
I will stop wondering if you are being faithful.
I will stop caring if you come home at night.
I will go out, and laugh, and dance.
I will dance all night.
I will drink and get tipsy and tip the really hot bartender.
I will twirl.
I will hug friends, and kiss strangers.
I will make my mark on the world.
When you walk by me, I will hold up my chin and I will smile.
You cannot hurt me anymore.
Without you, i will be beautiful, to someone.
I will curl my hair and pin it up.
I will wear lipstick.
I will walk confidently, and toss my hair over my shoulder.
I will be noticed.
I will be beautiful inside and out.
I will learn to love myself.
I will find an inner beauty that people can't help but notice.
People will envy what they see inside.
Without you, I will get by.
All this time, I thought I needed you.
But you needed ME.
Without you, I will not have to pick up after anyone.
I will never be late for anything again.
I will have time to do things I never had time for.
I will ENJOY peace.
I will have no one to fight with, and throw things at.
YES, I will get by.
Without you, I am going to be somebody.
PEOPLE are going to remember me.
I am going to have my dreams come true, all of them.
I am going to have that house I always wanted, and that car...
I will send you a postcard when I move to Florida, and it will say
"I MADE IT...."
...without you.
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E-girl
IM: tiggersgurl2067
"...there are 2 paths, you can go back, but in the long run... there's still time to change the road you're on..."
 
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girl- this was just great....absolutely great.
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~*~"you've got to dance like nobody's watching and love like its never going to hurt"
 
that was gorgeous. i'm glad everything worked out well.
~lil
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"you will get this chance but once, don't let simple shit get you down"
therapy is expensive, poppin bubble wrap is cheap. you decide.
sn~ sparkleylily
 
love it. too many times we search for strength outside ourselves, and too many times we end up finding it within.
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I want to fly away with you,
I want to fly into your sky,
And I want to fly, away with you,
With you...
 
I hope one day I can heal as you have. I know it will take time, but right now I feel hopeless. Your words have encouraged me so I just want to thank you.
Rachel
 
vix_chic...
i have not healed. not wholly, not barely, not at all.
i had my heart ripped from me, over and over, and because i believed i could trust someone, i got hurt. all my friends say "time will heal your heart" but i dont think time is all it takes. i woke up this morning and he was the first thing i thought of... even in my dreams, he lies to me. in my dreams he hurts me. and when a new day comes, i wonder how the hell i will make it another 24 hours without him.
i wrote this to inspire myself. i was trying to be strong. i hate the fact that if i were to die today, my BL friends would remember me as "the girl who was always sad" cuz that didnt USED to be me. i used to be SOMEONE without him.
things will get better, for both of us. that's all i can say. i dont know how, or when, but i know they will. hang in there sweetie, and if you ever need to chat, i'm always here. god knows i love nothing more than to bitch about men!!
(((((((vix_chic))))))
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E-girl
IM: tiggersgurl2067
*Choice, not chance, determines destiny*
"November is all I know."
 
Damn E-girl...I have read two of your writings and I must say that they are an inspiration, you are an inspiration. I'm new to this whole BlueLight thing and I don't know why i'm a greenlighter...can anyone help me out?
 
^^^^ (Go to the "New to XTC" forum and check out all of the stuff there... then you'll be more at ease with how things work here. You are a greenligher until you reach 20 posts.)
E-girl: Yes, you were SOMEONE before him, and you were someone with him, and now you are someone without him. A big reason why we have so much trouble recovering from these emotional roller-coasters of life is that we see ourselves as less independent when a relationship ends. You are not more or less on your own than you were before. The biggest issue is incorporating all that you learned about yourself and someone else while you were a part of that relationship. You are the same independent, strong, intelligent woman you were then, only you have all this new information to add to that person.
Don't take the easy road... don't blame someone else for YOUR pain. Blame them for doing shitty things - yes. Blame them for being a bad person - yes. But your pain - while he may have been the cause of it, he should not have the power to prolong it. Lesson after lesson after lesson is life. File this one under "feels like shit" and don't come back to it until your perspectives have changed. Then you'll be able to CHOOSE what you have learned with a clear head and move on.
Keep your chin up girl... if you continue to put your pain on paper, you'll have more room in your head for the good stuff.
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The space between the tears we cry, is the laughter that keeps us coming back for more.
 
think about the good times you have experienced while with him and remember them but dont dwell apon it, be thankful for what you have had... there are many out there who have never had someone to love ... and all the shit he put you through, you sure as hell dont miss that, can you?! as hard and painful as it is, is as much harder you have to try to leave it in the past and grow from your experiences... no one understands exactly how you feel so its all up to you and if you believe in yourself anything is possible.. you can do it, just listen to yourself, in your above writing you seem to be leading yourself to your long lost friend.. independence
 
i was slouching down at my desk when i began reading this and by the end my spine is perfectly straight.
bravo!
i really love this one.
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I told you the answer was right in front of you. Stay strong and never give up the hope you have in yourself.
(((E-GIRL)))
 
I just wanted to let you know I felt the same way not to long ago. I thought the emptiness that I felt would never go away But in time you heal. When I see him I still get that nervous stomach but in time I know even that will go away. Strange cause I know he is not right for me but it still hurts.
Time will heal your pain. Try to think positive and keep up the poetry!
 
Just remember, he may not show it outwardly now.. but in many years time he will remember you. And he will look back and say, "damn, that girl was the best thing and I was too stupid to notice"
You came into the relationship just fine before him.. you've just grown inside more now that the relationship is over. Was he all that you really wanted? Are you sure?
You're just better off for the next person that is lucky enough to meet you.
Thanks for sharing...
 
I'm going to print this out and share it with my sister who's currently in an abusive relationship (if ya don't mind that is!) I think she really needs to hear those words.
Absolutely beautiful, thanks for sharing this and good luck with your own struggles.
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~Kim.
 
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