withdrawal has beaten me

[thatrandomdude]

Not sure if this is the right place to post this but i don't know anywhere else i could post. i've called the health service for my country and am waiting a call back from a nurse. I swore to myself 2 years ago after i quit alcohol after being a chronic alcoholic for 5 years that i would never let anything control my life the way alcohol did again. but about 6 months after me being sober i had some dihydrocodeine left from a broken leg i had a few months prior. when i was already feeling well i thought oh why not i can take a few and get a buzz it'll be fine. little did i know there is an almost unlimtied supply of "online pharmacies" you can buy the stuff from. took 3 first day, felt good. can still remember the day after saying to myself i probably shouldnt take more, but ended up doing so anyway. and that quick, within 2 days, i was addicted to something again. over the course of the last year it has proceeded to take over my life, same as alcohol did. now i've been in withdrawals for 70 hours or so just trying to pass the time until i can get more, but i feel defeated. the only way i can ever see out of this is seeking help, and i think i've known that for a few months. i just feel disgraced at myself for letting myself get back into the same shithole i swore id never return to. I have now probably screwed up all my therapy that i currently have going on, lost trust with family again most likely, let down my GP and all other healthcare people i've been seeing, and more importantly, let my ever loving mother down.

anyway, i should be hearing back from a nurse soon then i'll probably be going to hospital since its 2am here and that's the only place doctors are at this time. To everyone who has ever had an opiate addiction and beaten it by themself, i take my hat off to you. (i know DHC isn't even classed as a "strong" opiate), but i've never felt so much pain all over my body.

to anyone who is thinking of trying opiates for "fun" i can't recommend doing it, you'll be in this place i'm in a year or so down the line.

sorry for the ramble, delete thread if it's not suitable mods. just thought i'd share my current thoughts before i go face my demons head on.

Stay strong, bluelighters.

 

[Mafioso]

The disease of addiction is a difficult one to deal with. Instances like this is why it is said addiction is never cured but can be put into remission, meaning there will always be the risk of relapse for the rest of your life but it doesn't have to control and direct your life. On the bright side, if you have beat this once then you can beat it again. You already know the process, it just might be a matter of relearning some aspects about recovery. Maybe discover or rediscover elements of your thinking that has become distorted due to your drug use. It can be a painful time, but it is a time of growth and progress.

Don't worry about letting your family down... hopefully they can understand through education, but also there is time to rebuild trust and relationships once you get things under control. Until you get clean, they probably won't trust you.

hope things are going ok, let us know.