Cosmic Mist
Bluelighter
Click click click.
Delete.
Goodbye.
...if only it were that simple. If only i could, with the simple click of a button, click on you and elect for you to be gone from me forever. I'm sure it would be worth the pain of severence just to know that you could never make me feel this way again.
I just wish that i could look at you and understand why. I wish i could hear your words and believe that they were sincere. I wish i could tell you what i thought. I wish that i even had the opportunity to do these things. I wish...
...I wish...
...i wish that i could cast you aside and leave you in this place that you have left me in. I wish i could leave you to wallow and die in your own lonely self-pity...
...i wish that i had some sort of capacity to understand your motivations, to realise what drives you, to see though your eyes and feel with your skin. You're somewhere very far from me, yet i can feel your every sharp inward breath as it bites into my chest like the jaws of a cold steel trap and forces me to hesitate.
Each quiet hesitation causes me to think, and in thinking i hesitate more. Like an unending downward spiral i march on through the never. But the end never comes.
I'd like to have some clarity. I'd like to know what happened to make you feel the way you do, i'd quite genuinely be interested in engaging your mind for long enough to pick it to bits.
I would like to disect you slowly, and watch your face as each emotion comes to the fore. I'd like to see you wriggle and writhe as i cut through your grey-matter in such a matter-of-fact way that it would seem to not even matter at all...
...in fact, i'd really like to rip you to pieces. I'd like to tear your beating heart from you and hold it in front of your face. I'd like to feed you your own spleen and watch you choke on your own semi-colon of discontent. I would like to watch your life slowly leak from the crack inside that i have become. I would like to see you suffer. I would like to see you stripped down to the bone...
... i would like to look at you and not see myself. I would love to know that what i felt was unnecessary, undue, and completely off the bat. I wish that by looking in the mirror each morning i didn't see you, and that by seeing you in the mirror each evening, i wish i could learn to not hate myself.
I hate this thing that you make me feel. I have no closure. I have nothing. You have hurt me more than any lover could, and i don't know how i could ever hope to explain it to you, let alone repay you...
... You are the crack within me, the very fluid leaking from me. You are the one who holds all the answers, yet you are the only one who is unwilling to hold me close and call me your own...
...and despite all this, i think i still love you.
Some things can never change.
Delete.
Goodbye.
...if only it were that simple. If only i could, with the simple click of a button, click on you and elect for you to be gone from me forever. I'm sure it would be worth the pain of severence just to know that you could never make me feel this way again.
I just wish that i could look at you and understand why. I wish i could hear your words and believe that they were sincere. I wish i could tell you what i thought. I wish that i even had the opportunity to do these things. I wish...
...I wish...
...i wish that i could cast you aside and leave you in this place that you have left me in. I wish i could leave you to wallow and die in your own lonely self-pity...
...i wish that i had some sort of capacity to understand your motivations, to realise what drives you, to see though your eyes and feel with your skin. You're somewhere very far from me, yet i can feel your every sharp inward breath as it bites into my chest like the jaws of a cold steel trap and forces me to hesitate.
Each quiet hesitation causes me to think, and in thinking i hesitate more. Like an unending downward spiral i march on through the never. But the end never comes.
I'd like to have some clarity. I'd like to know what happened to make you feel the way you do, i'd quite genuinely be interested in engaging your mind for long enough to pick it to bits.
I would like to disect you slowly, and watch your face as each emotion comes to the fore. I'd like to see you wriggle and writhe as i cut through your grey-matter in such a matter-of-fact way that it would seem to not even matter at all...
...in fact, i'd really like to rip you to pieces. I'd like to tear your beating heart from you and hold it in front of your face. I'd like to feed you your own spleen and watch you choke on your own semi-colon of discontent. I would like to watch your life slowly leak from the crack inside that i have become. I would like to see you suffer. I would like to see you stripped down to the bone...
... i would like to look at you and not see myself. I would love to know that what i felt was unnecessary, undue, and completely off the bat. I wish that by looking in the mirror each morning i didn't see you, and that by seeing you in the mirror each evening, i wish i could learn to not hate myself.
I hate this thing that you make me feel. I have no closure. I have nothing. You have hurt me more than any lover could, and i don't know how i could ever hope to explain it to you, let alone repay you...
... You are the crack within me, the very fluid leaking from me. You are the one who holds all the answers, yet you are the only one who is unwilling to hold me close and call me your own...
...and despite all this, i think i still love you.
Some things can never change.
