I'm an 18 year old male, bi, and recently I have been really depressed because I'm not a girl. I know it sounds really silly, but at random times I get really down because I don't have a feminine appearance or sound like a girl. I have thought about cross-dressing, but there's no way in hell I could pull that off at this point, so its completely out of the question. I really have no idea why I'm feeling this way, I know it's something I just can't ever change, but I still get really depressed about it. I don't know... I guess I'm just desperate for a way to deal with this, and I have no one else I can talk to about this without feeling ashamed and embarrassed. Does anyone else ever seriously wish they were the opposite gender, is there anything I can do?
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SLR Moderators: Senior Staff
Wishing I was a girl
- Thread starter Tromps
- Start date
Your sex not something you can change without some seriously intense surgery, hormonethreapy and psychological processing.
Perhaps you should go talk to a GLBT councilor or something. Maybe it would be good to voice these feelings to someone.
Being 18 and sexually confused isn't anything new. Go out there and get some experience under your belt and see what you like best.
Perhaps you should go talk to a GLBT councilor or something. Maybe it would be good to voice these feelings to someone.
Being 18 and sexually confused isn't anything new. Go out there and get some experience under your belt and see what you like best.
GoddessLSD-XTC
Bluelighter
I always wanted to be a girl (even in kindergarten) and finally had the surgery in Thailand a few years ago. Can't say I regret it, it's been a hard transition but a relief. Part of my problem was 24/7 thinking about sex, now, my sex-drive is zero and I'm much happier. Before the surgery I thought castration would solve my problem but going to Thailand was only a few thousand more, including air-fare. It's common for transsexuals to NOT wish this on anyone but it's an experience I don't regret.
BTW: I don't "sound like a girl" especially on the telephone, I pass okay, here's a recent pic.
BTW: I don't "sound like a girl" especially on the telephone, I pass okay, here's a recent pic.
MynameisnotDeja
Bluelight Crew
Nice pic Goddess. Rock those 9-11 truth signs! 
Why is your sex drive zero? Does that always happen with the surgery?
Why is your sex drive zero? Does that always happen with the surgery?
augustaB
Bluelighter
Dear Tromps
As a crossdresser I have to ask myself why does Tromps not want to experiment with wearing women's clothing?
In my own case it took me many years and several rolls before I could overcome the inhibitions.
The reason for my fears was that basically I felt I would open the floodgates.
But if you're struggling with this wish and suppressed desire you are inevitably going to become depressed because of the constant struggle in your mind.
It's a scary thing, but the first few steps are not so bad.
If you have a little money there are dressing services in many cities, which for a fee will dress you up, lend you a wig and make your face up and take a photo.
Try to avoid my mistake, which was to wait too long, so that now I'm old and paunchy and completely unpassable.
Act now and you could still look forward to life as a passable woman.
Although not inevitable low sex drive in transexual women is common.
Some authorities think it might be related to low testorone levels while others seem to think that other mechanisms play a role.
As a crossdresser I have to ask myself why does Tromps not want to experiment with wearing women's clothing?
In my own case it took me many years and several rolls before I could overcome the inhibitions.
The reason for my fears was that basically I felt I would open the floodgates.
But if you're struggling with this wish and suppressed desire you are inevitably going to become depressed because of the constant struggle in your mind.
It's a scary thing, but the first few steps are not so bad.
If you have a little money there are dressing services in many cities, which for a fee will dress you up, lend you a wig and make your face up and take a photo.
Try to avoid my mistake, which was to wait too long, so that now I'm old and paunchy and completely unpassable.
Act now and you could still look forward to life as a passable woman.
Although not inevitable low sex drive in transexual women is common.
Some authorities think it might be related to low testorone levels while others seem to think that other mechanisms play a role.
helium-4
Bluelight Crew
I do have a partial desire to a female. I've always taken a interest in women above men. I am very sexually attracted to females, but I've always felt something that seems to go beyond that. Now whether or not it is because I actually have a real conviction to want to be a female, or because there is some sort of sexual thing behind it (for example, possibly because I've always desired the interaction with women, but haven't had the interaction that I do desire) I'm not sure. I'm honestly surprised I am saying this as there is only one person I've ever told this to before, I do/did enjoy crossdressing. My desire to do so, seems to mostly go out the window when I am in a sexual relationship with a women. During the last relationship I was in (who I told I crossdressed), which lasted a year and a half, I think I only CDed once or twice and it wasn't as satisfying. This kinda leads me to believe there is a sexual undertone there which could just be because I'm overly infatuated with the female body and mind.
Anyway, I've come to terms with the fact that there is something in me that projects it
self as a "women", or has the desire to be seen as a "women", but I wouldn't do anything different than I'm doing now, as if I can't be a biological female, I personally wouldn't want to change my gender identity.
Also, I'm a heterosexual male, with no attraction to men. Jealous of clearly "attractive" men, yes, but that is as far as I go with other dudes.
Anyway, I've come to terms with the fact that there is something in me that projects it
self as a "women", or has the desire to be seen as a "women", but I wouldn't do anything different than I'm doing now, as if I can't be a biological female, I personally wouldn't want to change my gender identity.
Also, I'm a heterosexual male, with no attraction to men. Jealous of clearly "attractive" men, yes, but that is as far as I go with other dudes.
HoneyRoastedPeanut
Bluelighter
Cloudy, I think your post is very interesting. I've been tossing around similar thoughts lately, because I too have always just been more interested in females on a social level. Your mentioning that the desire (if that's the right word?) curbs when you have access to a female resonates in particular, as I'm a 23-y/o virgin and the thoughts often come back to "well, maybe I just want to be with a girl rather than actually being a girl". I've experimented with CD a couple of times, and the curiosity has gone in and out and I never felt like it was "me". The conclusion I've come to is that it's the feminine presence that I'm craving.
Honestly I think that some guys are just wired to feel most comfortable around women or in a domestic/family setting. I think it has to do with favoring stability over risk. Its been hard for me to come to terms with; even the CDs and GLBT crowds at least have a group they can relate to and identify with (not belittling their struggles by any means though). Guys like I describe (myself included) are usually just seen as "unmanly" or "weird" by other males and prone to isolation when they're not in a relationship, which seems to be the norm in modern times as relationships change and the focus shifts more and more towards the individual. Learning as much as I can from other cultures has helped a lot; in Asian cultures especially this kind of temperament in males seems to be more generally accepted and even encouraged as part of the Yin/Yang balance. Most every tribal culture has some kind of social role for what are essentially "men who stay with the women", which isn't always associated with CDing.
Tromps, I hope this helps you too, somehow; the important thing to realize is that you should just do what you want to do until you don't want to do it anymore.
Honestly I think that some guys are just wired to feel most comfortable around women or in a domestic/family setting. I think it has to do with favoring stability over risk. Its been hard for me to come to terms with; even the CDs and GLBT crowds at least have a group they can relate to and identify with (not belittling their struggles by any means though). Guys like I describe (myself included) are usually just seen as "unmanly" or "weird" by other males and prone to isolation when they're not in a relationship, which seems to be the norm in modern times as relationships change and the focus shifts more and more towards the individual. Learning as much as I can from other cultures has helped a lot; in Asian cultures especially this kind of temperament in males seems to be more generally accepted and even encouraged as part of the Yin/Yang balance. Most every tribal culture has some kind of social role for what are essentially "men who stay with the women", which isn't always associated with CDing.
Tromps, I hope this helps you too, somehow; the important thing to realize is that you should just do what you want to do until you don't want to do it anymore.
GoddessLSD-XTC
Bluelighter
I was a 40-year-old virgin, thought being with a woman would cure me of the transsexualism but it didn't -- I couldn't imagine having sex unless I wanted a baby and, because this world is so fucked-up, I never wanted to have children. Neither of my sisters did either.
I agree with U'r idea of the yin/yang too because I've always had a close, female friend who is like a sister.
I agree with U'r idea of the yin/yang too because I've always had a close, female friend who is like a sister.
indelibleface
Bluelight Crew
I've often had thoughts about becoming a girl. Actually, this is the first time I've ever revealed this publicly, so go me! Let me state, however, that I am perfectly content with being male, and I would not like to change that anytime in the foreseeable future. Being a male is part of who I am. I'm content, for the most part, with being male while still having a strong feminine side to me.
That said, I've had some very vivid and intense dreams about being a girl, and I experimented, in private, with cross-dressing in my teen years (as early as middle school). I still often fantasize about it.
These are the reasons that hold me back from pursuing transgenic surgery:
So, in conclusion, you know...this is something I've thought about since I was younger. I don't know if I could ever go through with it. I'm perfectly content with being a man. But hey, you never know. I don't know how I'll feel ten years from now.
That said, I've had some very vivid and intense dreams about being a girl, and I experimented, in private, with cross-dressing in my teen years (as early as middle school). I still often fantasize about it.
These are the reasons that hold me back from pursuing transgenic surgery:
- I am a very sexual person, and the idea of potentially losing my sex drive through side effects of the surgery sounds catastrophic to me.
- While big advances have been made in the surgical process with regards to realism of appearance and sensation of the genitals, I still don't feel like it would be realistic enough.
- I'm not sure I could go through the process without alienating most of my family, which would simply kill me mentally.
- The further cosmetic surgeries required to appear convincing to others as a girl are prohibitively expensive, not to mention of course the cost of the primary surgery itself. Being accepted as a girl to others would be very important to me.
- I'm just not sure it would change anything significantly - I'm not depressed because I'm a man, nor do I constantly long to be a girl - it's just an idea that I fantasize about, and I don't think that's good enough criteria to make the change in the first place, at least not yet.
So, in conclusion, you know...this is something I've thought about since I was younger. I don't know if I could ever go through with it. I'm perfectly content with being a man. But hey, you never know. I don't know how I'll feel ten years from now.
The best thing you can do is talk to a gender specialist. There are a bunch on this site: http://www.drbecky.com/therapists.html. They can help you figure things out, and if you realize that you do need to transition, they can point you in the right direction of doctors to prescribe hormones, etc.
I was depressed for most of my life because I wasn't born male and I didn't think there was any way things could change. 3 years ago I discovered that transition is possible and now I'm fully transitioned, just living life as a regular 20 year old guy and the happiest I've ever been. You might discover it's not right for you, but talking to someone who deals with trans issues will definitely help.
You're not alone
I was depressed for most of my life because I wasn't born male and I didn't think there was any way things could change. 3 years ago I discovered that transition is possible and now I'm fully transitioned, just living life as a regular 20 year old guy and the happiest I've ever been. You might discover it's not right for you, but talking to someone who deals with trans issues will definitely help.
You're not alone
PriestTheyCalledHim
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 7, 2005
- Messages
- 14,714
Talk to a therapist or go to a GLBT (gay lesbian, bisexual, trans) community center where you can talk to people there, or they can point you in the right direction to a Trans friendly therapist/counselor or other trans people to talk to.
I have a friend that thought he was Transgendered but he's really just a very effeminate/androgynous bisexual male and I think he'd enjoy dressing in heavy/passable femme drag. He does not want to have any sort of surgery or take hormones at all. He didn't realize any of this until after he went through therapy and talked to someone and became sexually active with men.
My friend is not transgendered but not everyone that's trans gets surgery or wants to get it. I met a bisexual Transwoman who was born and man and he does not want to get any surgery or do any gender transitioning because he wants to marry a woman and have a family with her. Everyone's different though. I've met other TS people who said how before hormones and surgery they were suicidal and did not want to live or be alive at all and how this totally stopped after hormones and surgery.
Good luck.
I have a friend that thought he was Transgendered but he's really just a very effeminate/androgynous bisexual male and I think he'd enjoy dressing in heavy/passable femme drag. He does not want to have any sort of surgery or take hormones at all. He didn't realize any of this until after he went through therapy and talked to someone and became sexually active with men.
My friend is not transgendered but not everyone that's trans gets surgery or wants to get it. I met a bisexual Transwoman who was born and man and he does not want to get any surgery or do any gender transitioning because he wants to marry a woman and have a family with her. Everyone's different though. I've met other TS people who said how before hormones and surgery they were suicidal and did not want to live or be alive at all and how this totally stopped after hormones and surgery.
Good luck.
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HoneyRoastedPeanut
Bluelighter
I also feel like this might be the big difference, or the deciding factor, between just being confused/curious and actually being transgendered.
Thoughts, Goddess?
GoddessLSD-XTC
Bluelighter
It changes Ur sex drive, which was a BIG relief! It's also more fun to wear women's clothes and have long hair . . . I always wanted long hair.
The doctor in Thailand seemed reluctant to give me the surgery at first (no psychiatrist recommended it), he interviewed me for about three minutes. When I thought he was uncertain, I thought to myself "I didn't come here for nothing" and told him, looking directly into his eyes, "I hate this thing." He then said, "get ready for surgery." The surgery was very traumatic, I had night sweats & nightmares . . . the lightning at night was eerie too, I always kept the curtains open, I was on the fifth floor with a nice view. The hospital was better than most I've been into, nice neighborhood too, near Lumphini Park.
Here's a link to the location (Google Maps).
The doctor in Thailand seemed reluctant to give me the surgery at first (no psychiatrist recommended it), he interviewed me for about three minutes. When I thought he was uncertain, I thought to myself "I didn't come here for nothing" and told him, looking directly into his eyes, "I hate this thing." He then said, "get ready for surgery." The surgery was very traumatic, I had night sweats & nightmares . . . the lightning at night was eerie too, I always kept the curtains open, I was on the fifth floor with a nice view. The hospital was better than most I've been into, nice neighborhood too, near Lumphini Park.
Here's a link to the location (Google Maps).
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augustaB
Bluelighter
This is good advice.
There is a lot of peer pressure in the T world. You really have to be quite strong to work out what's best for you personally. Everybody is different and the fantasy is a long way from the fact.
helium-4
Bluelight Crew
Its nice to see that there are others out there in a similar situation. I haven't really every divulged this secret to anyone (with the exception of hinting at what is really going on, ie crossdressing). It has sucked growing up feeling weird about your places in the society and the gender roles which define the individuals with in them. I remember in kindergarten I became very interested high heels (there was a couple pairs by the place house inside), but was quickly told, "No, that's for girls." I didn't really investigate crossdressing till I got into 6th grade, and my parents response (they found some girls clothes in my room) was very similar. I've always felt isolated and weird about who I am. I never really understood what was making me feel this way. Honestly being gay seems to be a little bit easier, as you can have a better grasp at what your sexual desires really are. I would be fine coming out with who I am, but since I don't even know why I feel the need to be female, but yet not have a strong enough desire to do any sort of transitioning, it is hard. I don't know what to do, nor how this will effect the rest of my sexual relationships. However, I have come to terms with the fact that there is this extra desire from women that I feel inside of me. Whether it is me wanting to become a women, or it is me being completely infatuated with the female form inside and out, which only needs the attention of a female to be sorted out.
Also, when I have crossdressed in relationships, I felt like when I was standing the clothes that it just wasn't quite right. I felt more of a desire to experience the physical interaction with a women. Though, I'll admit I still enjoyed checking out my ex gf's closets.
I have no additional ideas to offer you that anyone has not already shared with you, however if you would like to message me I will talk to you about this I would like to listen to what you have to say.
Although I may not even help, I possibly may .
Although I may not even help, I possibly may .
helium-4
Bluelight Crew
So just to update my personal situation. I've been having some physical interaction (at most sensual touching) with females recently, and my desires to replicate the experience (in some form or fashion, usually through CDing) of female have diminished. So what does this mean. Well, I still don't know, but I do know I absolutely love females. Though I will admit I check out chicks outfits all the time, even when interacting with them. Seeing women in certain clothing items (similar to fetishes, but I feel this results from my personal situation) can completely turn me on. Fuck, even just seeing some female clothes still gets me going I will admit (not sure why I'm admitting it, but I just don't give to shits at this point, I am who I am), in particular in the recent time high heels.
xeros
Bluelighter
i have feelings about what it would be like to be a girl. i would love to be a girl just for a day, just to see what it would be like. would any girls like to be a bloke for a day, just to see what it would be like.
Lysis
Bluelighter
I love being female, but I would love to experience being a man in the working field. In my field, women are looked down on as inferior, but at the same time, those geeky guys would rather work with a chick like me. I'd like to see if it's better or worse for me, but I'm not sure I would make it. I work with my smile, my looks, my personality as a female when job hunting and working with men. Men dominate the IT field. I still work with women, but most management and developers are men. Usually, the females comprise of the design crew but not the hardcore coding team. I think I would fail at being a man, because my femaleness is what gets me the job and makes me capable of working with the stereotype.