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Window watcher

cherub

cherub

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 24, 2000
Messages
4,042
Location
Mountian Child
I feel the numbness of
no emotion in my life
and I watch the lives lived around me
Should I be happy that I don't feel?
Or worried I feel nothing at all?
It been coming on, not happy or sad
just a open numbness of doing what I have to do
Not caring if i am alone or if someone is next to me. It just does not seem to matter any more.
No saddness to show that I am alive
I am just a viewer of the outside window
Looking in and seeing the pain and happiness
but no way of stepping in.
Not even the urge to do so
An unemotional viewer who could tap
on the glass and they acknowledge me
but know I am just a voyer in there lives.
They don't expect me to open the window and step in, I am not even sure they would know how
I know I don't know how and unsure if i should.
If the window were opened would I run
from the emotional wind that would escape?
or step in?
To step in would mean i would need to breath some emotional air am I ready for that?
Or am I content with them air of numbness that I breath in now.
Comfortable stablity of just being the window watcher or am I ready to live?
 
momma-
you know i much rather talk about this with actual words, instead of on the board...but please know that you will feel all the happiness, all the sadness and all the components of being in the confusion of love. You will, and i know you will. You are a beautiful person, and if anyone on earth deserves a fabulous companion it is you. In time...i can almost promise that.
much love
angela
 
cherub...oh dear, ohh....
The apathy. It creeps up...it, oh, you described it so well!
You can overcome it. I promise. But I know *exactly* what you mean...ohhhhhh...I can't put it into words. It doesn't matter what you have sometimes...wonderful friends, a great *partner*, whatever it may be. Sometimes, you just feel...empty.
Have you ever seen the play "The Heidi Chronicles?" I saw it this weekend, and your poem just summed up a good part of how it made me feel. I know my post doesn't make much sense, but I just want to thank you SO MUCH for this poem...
 
Great words, Mother Cherub.
I've been there. I've felt the emptiness and that cold loneliness. I've been that window watcher before. Many of us have at one point. It can be overcome. We're all here for each other, so that no one can remain on the other side of that window. I've come to learn that in my few days here.
------------------
Mysticalis, Angel of Mystery
"Come with me to a world of transcendent joy."
 
There has been only one person in my life that broke down that window, forced me to stop being numb, and allowed me to truly feel. And when he left, it was the saddest day of my life, I could actually *feel* my heart breaking in two. But it was also the happiest day of my life, because I realized I had experienced the deepest emotion with my whole heart and not held anything back- true love.
So much has happened since then, and I find myself back outside the window...maybe for forever. Unless someone comes along again to break the window for me...and force me to come inside. I both pray for and fear that day.
But one thing I learned...without true pain there is no true happiness...and though your heart may break, you will regret far more keeping your distance and always wondering if you somehow missed out on something wonderful.
Beautiful poem hun.
smile.gif

Much love,
~kimmy.
 
Kimmy, one day, you will learn, as I have, that you do not need someone to break the window and let you in. I've found myself on the outside looking in many times. I've been dragged into the inside many times, only to feel pain and force my way back out.
In the end, the coldness and numbness becomes intolerable, and you either end up forcing your way back in to make your own life, your own happiness, on your own terms, or you go mad from the isolation. I've seen it, and I've lived it.
Keep hope alive. The window will shatter once again and you will be reborn.
------------------
Mysticalis, Angel of Mystery
"Come with me to a world of transcendent joy."
 
I agree with mysticalis...but you may be able to find a door to walk in thru! The best part is being in a place and being accepted for who you are. Also remember there are ppl what are calis on the other side of the window.
------
Huh, what? who is following me???and thank you for helping me out. ; )
 
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