Winding down

Its the depression that is the killer. I started getting high again and the after affects that fuck with me most are the depression and general inability to function on a day-to-day basis.

I picked up a few weeks ago and within that time period I began the process of loss. Relationships were the first to go. After that it was self-respect. Lots of things have impacted me in this last run and once again, I've caused more harm to myself and selfish disregard to those I care about.

It seems that I have some sort of nerve damage in my left hand. Its been puffy, painful and tingly for about 2 weeks now. I think I hit a nerve or some shit shooting that garbage. Oh well, I'll acclimate to the discomfort.

I'm done with the shit now and now I gotta rebuild again. I want to fix the broken relationships first but right now I think I need to focus on how I can correct how fucked in the head I am.

Its funny, when I was in rehab, before my discharge, my therapist mentioned that she had no doubt that I could beat the drugs but she was worried about my ability to accept the mental issues I have. She was right though, I just can not accept that I may have mental issues.

I've learned a lot from this run, I think. All I need to do is apply it.

For the history books:

NSFW:

 

I'm glad to hear that you're getting back into sobriety, but I really hope that you didn't hit a nerve. Blow is terrible for you when shot, and will kill tissue left and right by vasoconstriction. Please see a doctor about it if you can.

And, um, thanks for putting that behind NSFW tags

 

Yep, depression is the real killer. I'm feeling pretty low at the moment from withdrawals - both meth and benzos. I'm trying to think of the depression as an obstacle to overcome, but it's still really hard. Props to you for getting clean again! I've been pretty worried about you.

 

OD, I'm here if you want to talk. ANYTIME. (PiP too)
You have my number.
I agree with Dave that you should see a Dr.
Please keep your head up and remember you have friends who care and are here to listen.

 

Thanks guy's. Sorry I haven't been active lately. I'm currently in 'isolation mode'. I'll dig myself out of this hole at some point

My left hand by the index fingers knuckle is still numb, tingly and painful but it seems to be slightly less than it was originally. I just got insurance thru my work so as soon as I get my card I may make an appointment. The addict in me is regretting the fact that I chose my old dr that I disclosed my drug history to. Its for the best though