stims and lsd are the only things that keep me in a healthy and productive mindset.. my mind is naturally all over the place, i have learning and mental problems as well as some obvious health problems
eating well and exercise help but have not changed my body chemistry, so i do what works best. it is rare that i use drugs for fun. it has always been a coping mechanism that without i would not have nearly the same level of mental command over my faculties to impress anyone, let alone function normally in society..
people used to think i wasn't listening to them, well i was, i just saw their lips moving and forgot everything they'd said.... i never passed a single course in school. they just passed me. they all said they knew how intelligent i was because i'd understand a lot of concepts, things i'd figure out in my head on my own, but i couldn't function in a classroom worth shit or retain all the info required.
no one has ever seemed to think i was stupid or somehow disabled, which i think really fucked with my self-esteem early on. it's like being the special or smart kid that no parent could appreciate.... cause you're just so far out there, with no one to relate to.. i always felt like an idiot
when i tried drugs my mind/life did a 360. first with lsd then amps. it was like i could finally speak my mind and get everything out that seemed to be stuck in my head, for some reason
of course amps have side-effects and i'd hate to be on them forever, but i'd also hate to return the darkness from whence i came.....
we'll see. i'll probably be (un?)lucky to live to 30 at this rate
peace